To anyone lost, read this, my life from 40yrs of being lost to now!

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tchest77
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Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2019 4:10 am

To anyone lost, read this, my life from 40yrs of being lost to now!

Post by tchest77 » Thu Mar 26, 2020 6:39 am

All I can say is, I found myself, well, the self I always had, but it's weird cause I specifically remember this sense of self at a very young age, around 8-9 years old, and then all of a sudden at age 10-11 this sense of self got attached to everything, friends, video games, girls, fun, ect; I lost myself and didn't even know it. I'd like to blame hormones, or my parents getting divorced, or being bullied by my brother, but I changed dramatically, and stopped genuinely caring about anyone other than myself. And now, approx 40 years later, this sense of self becomes clear again.

Within this past year I found Eckhart, stumbled across him trying to solve a problem, and bahm, my life changed for self exploration. And now, I've found and keep digging to this self awareness through learning and understanding, and all of a sudden, within the past couple of days I found that pureness in me again exactly like when I was 8-9 yrs old. So odd, where did this sense of me go, it was always there.... buried.

I feel so connected now, aware, and ok with everything. I can now reflect on the person I became over these past 40 years, trying to be funny, liked, I submerged myself with selfishness, barely listened to others, tried making myself important by not putting to much care into those around me, taking everything for granted, finding drugs, breaking laws, being rebellious, cheating, ect, all to get myself through this life by taking shortcuts and giving myself pleasure, meanwhile never noticing that I was suffering. I wasn't depressed, but I fulfilled myself with the world because I was never fulfilled with myself.

I wanted to share this story because I have changed to what I always was, I just got lost along the way. I swear, if I can do this, then you surely can. Life has a lot of pleasure to offer, but you don't need any of it because you have yourself. If you get lost like I did, I would be happy to share how I got out of this mess, out of this blurred path of thinking I know when I truly had no clue. I'm still on this journey, I am at peace with where I am at now, but want to grow more.

I know if I try to keep myself busy or try to find enjoyment without being joyful on my own, then there is a problem. It's never too late, take time for yourself, the most simple thing such as closing your eyes and seeing that everything is ok, and watch your life unfold as mine has done. It's never too late, take time to get to know yourself, the most important relationship you will ever have!

randomguy
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Re: To anyone lost, read this, my life from 40yrs of being lost to now!

Post by randomguy » Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:40 pm

Very nice. That's great tchest77. Causes me to remember when I first read Tolle. I'm so thankful for his writing inviting another way to see besides tail-chasing suffering. :D
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho

tom66
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Re: To anyone lost, read this, my life from 40yrs of being lost to now!

Post by tom66 » Sat Apr 04, 2020 12:37 am

Thanks for sharing.

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kiki
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Re: To anyone lost, read this, my life from 40yrs of being lost to now!

Post by kiki » Sat Apr 04, 2020 5:24 am

What a great post, tchest77. There was much I could relate to. I remember when I was quite young feeling that same connection to everything around me, always simply being present. The shift away from that came when I was in 2nd grade and my mother became quite ill and I became consumed with worry. Everything seemed different after that, not realizing at the time that I was simply lost in mind-chatter triggered by worry about what might happen. And as time went on the worries piled upon one another. What a relief it was to rediscover the simplicity of what one actually is, totally independent of the mind. Keep up the good work, and feel free to share whatever pointers you have that may help others.

kiki
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
---

tchest77
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Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2019 4:10 am

Re: To anyone lost, read this, my life from 40yrs of being lost to now!

Post by tchest77 » Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:52 am

randomguy wrote:
Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:40 pm
Very nice. That's great tchest77. Causes me to remember when I first read Tolle. I'm so thankful for his writing inviting another way to see besides tail-chasing suffering. :D
Absolutely, I can't believe how we are as humans, just wanting to feel important and protected, crazy. But, it's a blessing cause if we didn't have the option to suffer then we'd never know we are joyful. I would like to ask God one day, why like this, but I'm afraid He will say because you are both, find balance. And there is nothing more enjoyable to see the self you once were, and still are, compared to the self you decide to be.

Thanks for your message!

tchest77
Posts: 61
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2019 4:10 am

Re: To anyone lost, read this, my life from 40yrs of being lost to now!

Post by tchest77 » Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:54 am

kiki wrote:
Sat Apr 04, 2020 5:24 am
What a great post, tchest77. There was much I could relate to. I remember when I was quite young feeling that same connection to everything around me, always simply being present. The shift away from that came when I was in 2nd grade and my mother became quite ill and I became consumed with worry. Everything seemed different after that, not realizing at the time that I was simply lost in mind-chatter triggered by worry about what might happen. And as time went on the worries piled upon one another. What a relief it was to rediscover the simplicity of what one actually is, totally independent of the mind. Keep up the good work, and feel free to share whatever pointers you have that may help others.

kiki
Hi Kiki
,

I've read you in many posts before, and you've even replied to me prior. Thank you for sharing a part of your life's story as well!
Take care.

tchest77
Posts: 61
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2019 4:10 am

Re: To anyone lost, read this, my life from 40yrs of being lost to now!

Post by tchest77 » Tue Apr 07, 2020 4:45 am

tchest77 wrote:
Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:52 am
randomguy wrote:
Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:40 pm
Very nice. That's great tchest77. Causes me to remember when I first read Tolle. I'm so thankful for his writing inviting another way to see besides tail-chasing suffering. :D
Absolutely, I can't believe how we are as humans, just wanting to feel important and protected, crazy. But, it's a blessing cause if we didn't have the option to suffer then we'd never know we are joyful. I would like to ask God one day, why like this, but I'm afraid He will say because you are both, find balance. And there is nothing more enjoyable to see the self you once were, and still are, compared to the self you didn't realize you became.

Thanks for your message!

waverider
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2019 1:31 pm

Re: To anyone lost, read this, my life from 40yrs of being lost to now!

Post by waverider » Mon Aug 10, 2020 12:36 pm

I found tolle about 3 years ago. I have practiced presence since then. But i have only seen glimpses if it. My thoughts of the past (i was bullied) are quite overpowering. I get lost in my thoughts and suffer. I wanted to ask did you work your way to being present or did it just happen suddenly.

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