Is the following endevour justified?

A place for anything that doesn't fit into the existing forums
Ervin
Posts: 123
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2012 9:43 am

Is the following endevour justified?

Post by Ervin » Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:16 am

Peace. In the past I have comited a sex crime against a adult femalle prostitute namely rape, I also asked two girls age 17 to have sex with me, these girls where strangers. I have other criminal history but we don't have to talk about that like break and enters and assault.

As a result of this sexuall offending I haveI have done four years i prison and year and a half on parole. After fouryears I been placed on a sex offenders registar for 15 years. I have been complying with it for about two and a half years, however yestarday I went to the Police and I have told my case workers that I am not going to comply with the register any more.

One of my conditions is that I have to report If I have contact with anyone under the age of 18 three or more times in a year. Well I have had underage people on my facebook for a while and I didn't report. I have told them yesterday that if they take my phone they can find underage people there and I have shown them some of them just so that they would interview me.

I have told them that if they let me go from the police station and that if I see a kid in need of help I will go up to him or her and help them and if his or her mother was to ask me to look after them sometimes I would take the offer and I wouldn't tell the police. I have also told them that I have changed the pasword for one of my emails but that I will not tell them what is it. So they interviewed me and they confiscated my phone as an evidence so I will not be able to post as often because my phone was my conection to the internet. However I can go to library and spend an hour in one and if I really need to I can spend hour in the other.

Anyway, don't try to talk me out of my batle because I have made up my mind. I will rather go to prison than betreated like a dangerous criminaly active pedophile. I am not a danger to any one especially not kids and the registar treats me like I am.

Thanks
Ervin

snowheight
Posts: 1961
Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2010 11:56 pm

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by snowheight » Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:36 am

You seem to have picked a fistfight with a tsunami.
Stop talking. Hear every sound as background. Look straight ahead and focus. Take one deep breath. This is you. This is Now.

18andlife
Posts: 392
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:40 pm

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by 18andlife » Tue Feb 21, 2012 11:44 pm

I've had my share of trials also; I once got commited to a psych ward when I was younger. So you are not alone in having to face adversities. I think we all have meltdowns on one level or another now and then; unfortunately some of them end up on paper and those are the ones we have to deal with, the ones we can't just sweep under the rug. In a way that's a good thing. To each his own, but I found that for me moving forward from those situations mostly involves open mindedness and hard work, rather than single-mindedness and hard fighting.

Based on experience I'd also say that whenever possible bring others into the equasion and think of them in your decision making process.

At this point I can also say from experience on both sides of the equation: if you are playin jump rope with the law you'd better keep time with the rhythm of the rope. But, when you are playin jump rope with the law: don't assume that they're intentionally trying to trip you up, just realize that you will become tangled if you just stand there with your hands on your hips and say "I'm not gonna play your game" And worse still: if you try and skip to your own rhythm when the rope is swinging, 9 times out of 10 you'll fall flat on your face.

That's about all I have to offer, other than to say good luck with whatever you decide.

User avatar
Midnight
Posts: 444
Joined: Wed Aug 11, 2010 2:47 pm
Location: London

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by Midnight » Wed Feb 22, 2012 12:49 am

I don't understand the point in this post.

You have essentially just told a bunch of strangers on the internet that your a rapist and you like underage girls. Is it really worth it???

I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think people like you should be allowed to roam freely in society when you've done things like this, it actually sickens me.


But hey, good luck.

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6776
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Feb 22, 2012 1:28 am

Midnight, may I suggest that that is the human egoic view. Ervin may well have done the things he said, but that does not mean he has no right to life. Whatever he may have done he remains an extension of Source in human form and will one day return with valuable lessons to glean, as will all of us. Better to recognize and encourage the best in others than to fear the worst.

My suggestion to you Ervin, is that you recognize that whatever your choice of actions you cannot escape their effect. If you choose to refuse the constraints put on you by the court system, there may well be even stronger constraints applied. The hard reality is that the system holds most of the aces. Consider what is more important, fighting the system or alignment with Source. They may not necessarily be mutually exclusive, but in your case they seem to be.

The difficulties you face are challenging indeed. The sex offender label engenders fear in most everyone who hears it, but that is part of your reality now. Like it or not you have to find a way to live with it. Rather than push against the restrictions and rail against how unfair you see them, explore and expand what avenues are open to you. Where ever you are at present, your world of experience can expand into more happiness and joy. Find those avenues of expansion and leave behind those that are going to create conflict. Life goes on quite well without contact with underage people.

If you choose to continue violating the rules, then accept that your fate may be more pain and greater restriction. It's unnecessary. Move in a more positive direction and get back to enjoying life.

WW

Ervin
Posts: 123
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2012 9:43 am

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by Ervin » Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:47 am

Peace Midnight and everyone else. The prostitute ofended me repetedly that morning. She also took my money and after taking the money she refused to do what I paid her for. I don't like underage girls, when I asked these girls for sex I was about 23.

By the way. When I was in Townssville I nwas serving in the Australian Army. I was in 1 rar(name of the batallion). While over there on baracks I slept with a girl who I think was 15 wich makes me technically a pedophile. Maybe you should contact the police in Melbourne and tell them about that crime. You see with sex crimes they can be from 30 years ago and it means nothing if you have mental illness.

There you go Midnight, after calling the police you might not feel sick.

Thanks

snowheight
Posts: 1961
Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2010 11:56 pm

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by snowheight » Wed Feb 22, 2012 7:34 am

Ervin, be kind to yourself man. Don't pick a fight you simply can't win. If you defy the authorities, in this current state of moral outrage against pedophiles, the outcome is a certainty.

Look, none of this has anything to do with what the forum is about so I'm just making noise but I sympathize with you so let me offer you a rational explanation for why the public safety machine is being so hard on you in the hopes that you might see your situation from a different light.

Why do people go @pesh!+ when they hear of someone committing a crime like this? Why do they heap all of these draconian requirements on you and noone seems uncomfortable with the near total write-down of your civil rights?

This relates to a far-reaching and deeply trans-formative movement in the culture. Our attitudes about sex, in particular, shifted away from a repressed viewpoint starting long ago but picking up steam big time about 50 years back. Now rather than go into why or the what-for, the fact is, that as with any change, there are those that react to the change. In this case, the reactionaries couldn't put women back in long black skirts and bonnets or outlaw contraception or sex outside of marriage but, in being pushed to the wall, they could at least appeal to the paternal and maternal instincts in most people and take a last stand against sex with people so young as to still be within the legal control of their parents or guardians. It also helps that the most pathological and damaging cases, involving abuse of children waaaaay to young to be arguably ready for sex, sometimes involving abduction and murder .. it helps fan the flames of fury that these stories sell newspapers and airtime.

What I offer is what it is, just a viewpoint. I can only hope it gives you a perspective that might help you refrain from pulling on Superman's cape.
Stop talking. Hear every sound as background. Look straight ahead and focus. Take one deep breath. This is you. This is Now.

User avatar
Midnight
Posts: 444
Joined: Wed Aug 11, 2010 2:47 pm
Location: London

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by Midnight » Wed Feb 22, 2012 3:52 pm

Ervin wrote:First of all the prostitute was a street prostitute.
Ahhh right, that makes it all better :)............................................................... :shock:

Ervin wrote: She offended me
So you raped her..... seems like a perfectly reasonable response. :?
Ervin wrote: While on baracks I think I slept with a 15 year old.
You "think" you slept with a 15 year old.

Right, either your trolling the forum, which is a highly reasonable guess I think, or your just twisted, in which case I think you should get yourself checked in somewhere, psych ward perhaps?
Ervin wrote: Maybe after calling the police you will feel better and there fore you won't get sick.
Your bonkers mate, best of luck with that.

I'm sorry WW, but I'm stunned that you can be so civil with someone like this, if it's true.

This really got under my skin, so I can't pretend to offer advice to this person. If you want me to retract my comments then I will.

User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6776
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by Webwanderer » Thu Feb 23, 2012 12:19 am

Midnight wrote:I'm sorry WW, but I'm stunned that you can be so civil with someone like this, if it's true.
Someone like what? A being that has gone off track in a way that particularly offends you? Is he yet not an essential being loved by the Source that originated him? Your condemnation only creates a divide between you and a legitimate extension of Source. In truth, such condemnation hurts you more so than him. I'm not suggesting you condone anything. I'm suggesting you see the issue with a clarity beyond conditioned egoic reactions. What do you really know to be true, and what are you imagining? Thinking he slept with a 15yr old may be a reference to being unsure of her age rather than whether he slept with her.

The only thing that stands between a sex offender, or a murderer, or a thief, or a liar or any other limiting perspective, and their complete rehabilitation is their own clarity on the nature of their being and their relationship to All life. Now, how shall those of us, yourself included, who see with a fair degree of clarity, help others to their own awakening? Surely not by just condemning and belittling them while trying to drive them away. We cannot change another outright, but we can encourage them and point the way as best we can. You have an opportunity to help here. He is your spiritual brother who is asking for insight into a problem he is facing. For his sake and yours, give him your best. Source will celebrate within you for your genuine effort.

WW

alex
Posts: 557
Joined: Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:28 am

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by alex » Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:24 am

Midnight so many of us have shown endless patience with your own plight and sincerely offered what guidance we have. Can you not find it within yourself, just a little compassion, for another?
Oftentimes have I heard you speak of one who commits a wrong as though he were not one of you, but a stranger unto you and an intruder upon your world.
But I say that even as the holy and the righteous cannot rise beyond the highest which is in each one of you,
So the wicked and the weak cannot fall lower than the lowest which is in you also.
And as a single leaf turns not yellow but with the silent knowledge of the whole tree,
So the wrong-doer cannot do wrong without the hidden will of you all.
Like a procession you walk together towards your god-self.
You are the way and the wayfarers.
And when one of you falls down he falls for those behind him, a caution against the stumbling stone.
Ay, and he falls for those ahead of him, who though faster and surer of foot, yet removed not the stumbling stone.

And how shall you punish those whose remorse is already greater than their misdeeds?
Is not remorse the justice which is administered by that very law which you would fain serve?
Yet you cannot lay remorse upon the innocent nor lift it from the heart of the guilty.
Unbidden shall it call in the night, that men may wake and gaze upon themselves.
And you who would understand justice, how shall you unless you look upon all deeds in the fullness of light?
Only then shall you know that the erect and the fallen are but one man standing in twilight between the night of his pigmy-self and the day of his god-self,
And that the corner-stone of the temple is not higher than the lowest stone in its foundation.

alex
Posts: 557
Joined: Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:28 am

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by alex » Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:47 am

Ervin I can understand your frustration at these seemingly unfair rules that bind you. I too have often had a little problem with those rules that just seem silly and unnesserary - but you cannot take it personally, there is no individual out there who is making life especially hard just for you, the law is a whole lot of people governed by rules just trying to do their best to uphold them.
I would suggest to not pick this fight. What is it within you that you that feels the need to defend? How deep are you called to surrender here? Can you let go of valuing your own personal viewpoint? Can you let this huge discomfort in life wear you down to non-resistance? If you can you may find yourself in a pretty light and carefree place.
Peace.

arel
Posts: 581
Joined: Sat Apr 19, 2008 6:11 pm

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by arel » Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:13 am

Ervin, my answer would be "no, such endevour is not justified".
It might be interesting to reflect on what is natural. Have you ever thought about that?
I would argue that that which creates pain, or where pain is, is not natural, it's a telling sign. Nature telling you things are going in the "wrong" direction. That's how you can tell what is right or wrong. Also consider the concepts of beauty and disgust. Two opposites I think. Beauty is natural, pain and disgust in my opinion are not and a sign to "move away", onto more beautiful, natural things.

People that have a hump is not natural, or fat, not natural, have two heads, or have a limp. It's not beautiful. In the grand scheme of things it's all good, but that's not a point here, since you are asking for direction. Being fat is not natural, or too pale, or have a growth on your face. Or have a growth in you mind. Laws are there to reduce pain, some make more sense in that then others in my opinion. Like parking tickets, speed limits are often senseless in my opinion. But most laws are to reduce pain and suffering. A grown man trying to get with underage girls has a potential to screw them up emotionally. Child abuse is a known thing that correlates to people being messed up later in life. So your wanting to do that I consider a growth in your mind, like some unnatural growth on someone's face, that causes pain, to the host and others around them. This might sound mean, but I'm being honest with how I experience things. Something went wrong, not of the fault of your own, and that growth appeared.

Beauty also exists as a contrast to ugly, or disgusting, painful. Ultimately it's all good, one cannot be without the other. But do you want to be the ugly side of things, or beautiful. The thing is, you have a choice to make. I suggest relying on your intuition to do the right thing, it is very telling. The fact that you went to police and posted on here tells me something knows in you what is right and wrong and you are asking for help. This is the dearest thing in your post.
What I say is only my viewpoint.

User avatar
far_eastofwest
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 2:53 pm

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by far_eastofwest » Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:49 am

Midnight wrote:
Ervin wrote:First of all the prostitute was a street prostitute.
Ahhh right, that makes it all better :)............................................................... :shock:

Ervin wrote: She offended me
So you raped her..... seems like a perfectly reasonable response. :?
Ervin wrote: While on baracks I think I slept with a 15 year old.
You "think" you slept with a 15 year old.

Right, either your trolling the forum, which is a highly reasonable guess I think, or your just twisted, in which case I think you should get yourself checked in somewhere, psych ward perhaps?
Ervin wrote: Maybe after calling the police you will feel better and there fore you won't get sick.
Your bonkers mate, best of luck with that.

I'm sorry WW, but I'm stunned that you can be so civil with someone like this, if it's true.

This really got under my skin, so I can't pretend to offer advice to this person. If you want me to retract my comments then I will.
midnight has some points, i think he has picked up on the fact that you are NOT recovered or have taken full responisbility for your actions and are still justifying them as being partly (or wholey) the victims fault. i too think that therapy is in order here, not short term stuff but full on.

not having friends or contacts under the age of 18 years is NOT something that most 30 plus year old men would find a problem with at all, fact its difficult for you is a BIG warning bell that you need more help.

Find a family therapist and work through your problems, you still have them. No contact with teenagers. Full stop.

I often notice when people explain their misdeamours, is what is Left Out.... ie, 'asked her for a service she refused'.... ahem (and no, i don't want to know) but perhaps the service was outside of what the street woman was willing to provide? And honestly, who expects a refund from a street prostitue or drug dealer? You need some serious help to stop making excuses for your behaviours to continue to move forward.

As for supportive comments, ie, WW..... well i guess,
without support from somewhere, people who have major problems are more likely to reoffend rather than continue to seek help and maybe at age of 40 be healthy spritually and emotionally and be an asset to society and themselves.
There is nothing harder to find than a black cat in a dark room
Especially when there is no cat....

Ervin
Posts: 123
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2012 9:43 am

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by Ervin » Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:55 am

Peace Midnight and everyone else.

Midnight doesnt have any valid points. Just like I thought it was OK to rape a street prostitute who tried to rip me of Midnight feels justified in his vigilante opression against a "rapist". I am sory for what I have done. I am also not interested in kids sexually. I am 33 years old now and I am not a pedophile. However some of my best friends when I was in prison where pedophiles. Why, because I didn't judge them and I am not going to judge them in future. And if I go to prison again I am not going to discriminate against them, because I don't want to be an angry coward that just goes with the popular opinion.

Everyone else, including Midnight thank you for your support. Again Midnight, try and not get angry, especially not at someon who hasen't done anything to you personally. Listen to Eckhart Tolle. I am sure that your is not based on Eckharts teachings.

I have already forgiven you Midnight for atacking me. All you have to is do the same publickly and you will feel more peace on the inside. While you are the way you are, you are cuting your self away from God. I am about to got to prison and get my registar extended to life instead of fifteen years. Why do you feel to on top of thattry and make me feel miserable. I have p[leaded guilty, I have been to prison, I have done the parol. But enough is enough.

Look at how Socrates, Jesus and Ghandi finished. They all got killed by angry people like you are now. I send out love to you, except it and you will get closer to the source. Let go.

Thanks

snowheight
Posts: 1961
Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2010 11:56 pm

Re: Is the following endevour justified?

Post by snowheight » Thu Feb 23, 2012 5:56 pm

Ervin, if you were truly able to forgive, you'd forgive yourself as well and accept the distinction in life situation manifested in not complying with the authorities.

There's no need for this man. Your decision isn't reversible. Once you're inside you will second-guess all of this.
Stop talking. Hear every sound as background. Look straight ahead and focus. Take one deep breath. This is you. This is Now.

Post Reply