Please help me

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GiveUpTheGhost
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Please help me

Post by GiveUpTheGhost » Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:32 pm

I have been doing this whole PON thing for about 2 years now, yet I am still suffering intensely, I feel totally cut off from my body and emotions, I feel so dead inside. I seem to go through a pattern of escalating misery which culmintes in a moment of blissful 'satori' and connection with being, I then feel better for a while but it isn't long before I descend back into suffering (which is always just as bad as it was before, there is no progress). I am constantly trying to be present, I try and bring all the negativity/resistance into awareness as much as possible but I can't feel any space around it, except sometimes I can, why is it so inconsistent when I am doing everything the same way, what works one day is totally ineffective the next. I am going round in this horrible circle and I want it to end, I can't live this way, it's maddening :(
Gather up the lost and their souls...

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Webwanderer
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Re: Please help me

Post by Webwanderer » Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:38 pm

GiveUpTheGhost wrote:I am constantly trying to be present, I try and bring all the negativity/resistance into awareness as much as possible...
This is likely the source of your continued suffering. Finding the space around it is only valuable to the degree that the it gives you clarity that there is negativity/resistance present; and that it is not you but a condition within you. Understand, that it is your focus on negativity and resistance that sustains it, so constantly bringing it up to observe it is merely adding additional focus/energy to the very issues you wish to be free of.

Consider changing tactics. When issues of negativity arise, make the conscious choice to find some value in them (every experience has opportunities for consciousness growth/expansion). What kind of value you ask? How about the life lessons that such issues offer? How about how they can make you stronger and a better person by applying the lessons they offer.

Everything, every experience that we have, is replete with life lessons. If you adopt this 'value' truism as a fundamental aspect of all life experience, and make it one of your core perspectives, then these negative and painful events can be transformed into life changing moments of opportunity. The instant that you recognize a value (and there may well be many) in any given experience, notice the upliftment that comes with it. Ride this upliftment with a genuine sense of appreciation for its life expanding virtue.

Then in moments of joy and happiness, recognize that such feelings are a marker of alignment with the Source energy that is your essence. All genuinely happy and joyful people recognize beauty and love in all its endless manifestations. That is their focus, not the painful conditions that sometimes arise. When you recognize beauty, when you experience love, breath it in deeply again and again, and make it your most important focus and goal in life. Don't worry about attaining it or holding it. Its heights are infinite and tends to ebb and flow. Simply know there is always, always a greater understanding and appreciate each moment as it unfolds.

The painful and negative experiences that come to us are just the fruit of our past focus coming to light. Make no self judgment, or you give it more sustaining energy. Rather say "yes, that's the way it was. But now I choose a new course. Thanks for the reminder of how not to focus my attention." Then appreciate the lesson and feel the love of Source energy and its power to transform experience.

You have the power of choice. Not so much in what arises in the momentary experience, but in the value you give it. You are not the conditions that arise, but the conscious space in which they arise. And as that consciousness you have the power to chose how you perceive your experience. There will be a conditioned automatic response, such as the negative one you now find yourself experiencing, and there will be a conscious opportunity (now that it's being point out to you), to transform the experience into one of value and upliftment rather than recurring pain. You decide consciously or you repeat the present conditions unconsciously.

In time the nature of automatic responses will align with your chosen and practiced focus. Negativity and resistance will become less automatic in favor of whatever new focus you put on conditions and experience as it arises. Life will become less painful and more enjoyable as you choose and apply the focus you prefer.

WW

GiveUpTheGhost
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Re: Please help me

Post by GiveUpTheGhost » Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:37 am

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me :)

I experienced quite a major shift in perception shortly after posting what I did. Recognising when I am identified with mind activity is what I keep coming back to. Unobserved thinking inevitably turns into suffering for me. Learning to see the value in these episodes sounds like a good idea. I am not sure I agree that it is my focus on resistance/negativity that sustains it, it is only through unconsciously identifying with it that it grows stronger, by continually bringing it into awareness I break that identification. Where I slip up is the fine line between awareness of conditions and awareness of my thoughts about those conditions. I must continuously watch the thinker if I am to be free.
Gather up the lost and their souls...

the key master
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Re: Please help me

Post by the key master » Wed Mar 28, 2012 1:22 pm

Where I slip up is the fine line between awareness of conditions and awareness of my thoughts about those conditions.
Your thoughts about the conditions are the conditions themselves. Conditions don't actually exist until you, mind, create them, and its when you start resisting your own creation that mind seeks to become something that isn't mind.
I must continuously watch the thinker if I am to be free.
Notice how the thinker thinks it has to watch itself in order to be free from itself. Mind projects the idea of a witness onto "something which is beyond mind watching mind", and then thinks that "it", the "thinker", is something which isn't a thinker. When you have a thinker thinking it isn't a thinker, you have mind split into two identities. Mind never gets to become something that isn't a mind. When resistance kicks in, or as you pinned it, "unconscious identification", mind thinks that watching itself is the key to escaping itself. What is watching mind already transcends mind. That mind is noticed, watched, is what allows mind to turn around on itself to see how what its doing isn't working, with the option to understand why.

As your watching yourself, as youre noticing this perpetual loop of suffering, what is it that's driving it? Can conditional happiness possibly last if conditions are always changing? Is there anythiing wrong with the obvious answer to that question? To what extent is the resistance to feeling a certain way driving the tendency to want to "watch"? What if rather than watch, you started reversing into those feelings, the ones you've been trained to resist? This way mind still gets to be mind, and the one split against itself can step off the battlefield.

Sum
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Re: Please help me

Post by Sum » Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:32 pm

Webwanderer wrote:Everything, every experience that we have, is replete with life lessons. If you adopt this 'value' truism as a fundamental aspect of all life experience, and make it one of your core perspectives, then these negative and painful events can be transformed into life changing moments of opportunity. The instant that you recognize a value (and there may well be many) in any given experience, notice the upliftment that comes with it. Ride this upliftment with a genuine sense of appreciation for its life expanding virtue.
Thank you for this.

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Webwanderer
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Re: Please help me

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:01 pm

Sum wrote:Thank you for this.
:D

WW

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