Terrified that my life is inescapable

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EternalPrize
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Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by EternalPrize » Tue Jun 12, 2012 9:54 am

One of my worst fears relates to the philosophical concept of "eternal return" (although its not specifically about that). Basically, if consciousness/the show of life is just a dead meaningless happening resulting from the programming of reality or how matter interacts or whatever, then my life is just a result of whats possible. Since we know the universe exists now, then it always has existed and always will, and with it, so will consciousness. And since the universe is vast, it makes sense that at any given point, a consciousness exactly like mine (or at least very similar) would likely exist. Stretch this out to eternity, then this life will obviously exist an infinite number of times. There may perhaps never be a break or a point at which its not existing. Since there is no observer, this would essentially mean that right now I'm reliving everything again. It's horrifying to me to think that for the rest of eternity this life must play itself out over and over again. And that there isn't a damn thing I could possibly do about it. I could never even know if it's the actual case.

This fear paralyzes me. I'd love to believe we live our lives with meaning. Learn spiritual lessons, reincarnate, grow as spirits, escape rebirth whatever. That seems to be what a lot of people doing the whole non-duality thing subscribe to. Even if I become enlightened and see the true nature of mind, I can't get over this apathy. That it just doesn't fucking matter at all. That enlightenment is just a correction in the biology of the brain. Nothing more.
Last edited by EternalPrize on Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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rideforever
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by rideforever » Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:16 am

Do you feel your heart ? Doesn't your heat tell you there is meaning ?
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small

EternalPrize
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by EternalPrize » Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:20 am

rideforever wrote:Do you feel your heart ? Doesn't your heat tell you there is meaning ?
My heart tells me expression is possible, and that physical sensation is possible. Nothing more.

I am just so heartbroken about being born with a major genetic illness that I've already lost my leg to, and that my disfigure me more as I get older. Being 27 and never having kissed or held hands with a girl doesn't help at all. I have many things I feel very very blessed for. The fact that I even went this direction in terms of what I wanted in my life is actually very rare, even if its just a result of my genetics, conditioning, and everything else... just pure luck.

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DavidB
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by DavidB » Tue Jun 12, 2012 2:36 pm

That enlightenment is just a correction in the biology of the brain. Nothing more.
There is no enlightenment. Enlightenment is what people hold onto, until they realize that there is no enlightenment. Like suffering for example, people suffer until they realize that they do not need to suffer.

Enlightenment is nothing more than idea, a concept, so yes, in some respect enlightenment is just a correction in the brain. The irony is though, that one is enlightened when one is no longer searching for enlightenment.

The beauty of meaninglessness, is that everything is completely and utterly meaningless. When fully appreciated, we come to realise that meaninglessness is also completely and utterly liberating. For example, meaning is a value judgment, so whatever meaning you wish place upon anything at all, is entirely up to you.
That it just doesn't fucking matter at all.
At least you have realized that nothing matters at all. Wonderful, enter presence from there.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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rideforever
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by rideforever » Tue Jun 12, 2012 5:20 pm

DavidB wrote:There is no enlightenment. Enlightenment is what people hold onto, until they realize that there is no enlightenment.
That's just semantics, isn't it ?
DavidB wrote:At least you have realized that nothing matters at all.
How can you be sure ? There are many deluded people in the world saying all kinds of rubbish - how do I know you are not one of them ?
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small

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DavidB
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by DavidB » Wed Jun 13, 2012 1:03 am

rideforever wrote:
DavidB wrote:There is no enlightenment. Enlightenment is what people hold onto, until they realize that there is no enlightenment.
That's just semantics, isn't it ?
DavidB wrote:At least you have realized that nothing matters at all.
How can you be sure ? There are many deluded people in the world saying all kinds of rubbish - how do I know you are not one of them ?

Investigate for yourself, don't take my word for it.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

moretocome
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by moretocome » Wed Jun 13, 2012 8:03 am

Hi EternalPrize,

It sounds very much like you're going through the 'Dark Night of the Soul'. My 'Dark Night' was the worst fear that I could imagine. My fear was different from yours, but your wording accurately describes what I felt. As you've indeed mentioned, one's fear is so intense, it is 'paralyzing'. The fear I felt led to overwhelming panic to the point of almost throwing up. It was incredibly terrifying to me. To use your terminology, it was 'horrifying'.

There is a way to go through the 'eye of the storm' and come out the other side. Peace and freedom then follows.

Hypothetically speaking, let's assume that what you've said is true. Let's assume that the following is, in fact, the Truth - "for the rest of eternity this life must play itself out over and over again..." If this is indeed the TRUTH of existence, then there is NOTHING you can do about it anyway. The only possibility left is to surrender to it.

For me, the ONLY thing that 'broke the fever' (so to speak) was SURRENDER. After a desperate and panicked search for relief (lasting an entire night), I was finally too exhausted to do anything else. I calmed down a bit and the mind quieted. The thought came to me to surrender. Therefore, I gave up the fight. I felt that if my worst fear is really true, then there's nothing I could do about it anyway. So, I surrendered. AS SOON AS I SURRENDERED, the paralyzing fear lifted. In its place, a feeling of LOVE immediately flowed in.

It may be incredibly hard to believe right now, however, rest assured, this too shall pass.

Love and Light to you.
"The 21st century will see the emergence of a new religion; namely, Unconditional Love."
http://www.No-Self.com

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Donna
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by Donna » Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:58 pm

moretocome wrote: For me, the ONLY thing that 'broke the fever' (so to speak) was SURRENDER. After a desperate and panicked search for relief (lasting an entire night), I was finally too exhausted to do anything else. I calmed down a bit and the mind quieted. The thought came to me to surrender. Therefore, I gave up the fight. I felt that if my worst fear is really true, then there's nothing I could do about it anyway. So, I surrendered. AS SOON AS I SURRENDERED, the paralyzing fear lifted. In its place, a feeling of LOVE immediately flowed in.
Yes...what do we "have" to lose? We don't "have" it in the first place...

Once one surrenders to the notion they don't have control of the "total existence", a mind trick ...then what? Are we totally helpless...useless? Well, no, because that which manifested through you, in you, is experiencing whatever you are in that moment...experiencing those choices in perception you make thereafter of what's right in front of you. Perhaps you are in the same physical form over and over again, but I am wondering if that form is experiencing or perceiving differently each and every time.

Does it matter who says what words on this forum in what form? Here's Mooji, Choice or Destiny.

EternalPrize,...it seems you have the greatest work to be and do "here". Not only for yourself but for those around you... and for us on this forum. Because you see, for me, people with the greatest work are a reminder for me to be humble.
~*~*~*~* I love to live and live to love. *~*~*~*~

EternalPrize
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by EternalPrize » Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:00 pm

moretocome wrote:Hi EternalPrize,

It sounds very much like you're going through the 'Dark Night of the Soul'. My 'Dark Night' was the worst fear that I could imagine. My fear was different from yours, but your wording accurately describes what I felt. As you've indeed mentioned, one's fear is so intense, it is 'paralyzing'. The fear I felt led to overwhelming panic to the point of almost throwing up. It was incredibly terrifying to me. To use your terminology, it was 'horrifying'.

There is a way to go through the 'eye of the storm' and come out the other side. Peace and freedom then follows.

Hypothetically speaking, let's assume that what you've said is true. Let's assume that the following is, in fact, the Truth - "for the rest of eternity this life must play itself out over and over again..." If this is indeed the TRUTH of existence, then there is NOTHING you can do about it anyway. The only possibility left is to surrender to it.

For me, the ONLY thing that 'broke the fever' (so to speak) was SURRENDER. After a desperate and panicked search for relief (lasting an entire night), I was finally too exhausted to do anything else. I calmed down a bit and the mind quieted. The thought came to me to surrender. Therefore, I gave up the fight. I felt that if my worst fear is really true, then there's nothing I could do about it anyway. So, I surrendered. AS SOON AS I SURRENDERED, the paralyzing fear lifted. In its place, a feeling of LOVE immediately flowed in.

It may be incredibly hard to believe right now, however, rest assured, this too shall pass.

Love and Light to you.
Oh I totally hear you on surrender. I've definitely been feeling that coming out more and more. It's just the only option. Lets say, like you said, that is the way the world is. Then there is nothing I can do. But realistically, I can't even ever know if thats the way the world is. All that is left to do is accept whats here and live life the best I can.

Do you understand what I'm conveying in this model of reality I'm concerned with? I just want to make sure. Because it could be completely crazy nonsense.

moretocome
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by moretocome » Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:57 am

EternalPrize wrote:
All that is left to do is accept whats here and live life the best I can.
EXACTLY! This is Surrender. And once there is complete surrender, a huge 'shift' in Consciousness takes place. When that 'shift' occurs, Peace flows in and the fear vanishes. It's an amazing process.
EternalPrize wrote:
Do you understand what I'm conveying in this model of reality I'm concerned with? I just want to make sure.
Yes, I believe that I do.
EternalPrize wrote: Because it could be completely crazy nonsense.
While in the midst of it, your personal fear feels real to you. My fear felt VERY real to me. It doesn't sound like 'crazy nonsense' when you're going through it personally. However, once the fear is transcended (via surrender), it loses its power and its illusory nature becomes evident. Ultimately, all FEAR can be translated into False Evidence Appearing Real.

I sense that you are close. :) Congratulations. I am in awe of your incredible courage and strength in this lifetime. Wow, I am suddenly overcome with emotion...

Infinite Love to you.
"The 21st century will see the emergence of a new religion; namely, Unconditional Love."
http://www.No-Self.com

moretocome
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by moretocome » Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:07 am

Donna wrote:
EternalPrize,...it seems you have the greatest work to be and do "here". Not only for yourself but for those around you... and for us on this forum. Because you see, for me, people with the greatest work are a reminder for me to be humble.
Donna, your words were strangely prophetic. The full impact of this just hit me (more than you'll ever know). Bless you.
"The 21st century will see the emergence of a new religion; namely, Unconditional Love."
http://www.No-Self.com

EternalPrize
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by EternalPrize » Thu Jun 14, 2012 7:40 pm

Part of it is just upsetting. If "eternal return" is true, it would mean really that consciousness and life are totally meaningless. That life is something that comes out of the fact consciousness exists. There is no "life" of course, really... but basically, when I look around me, I see the human as a very destructive, very selfish, very ruthless animal. And he even makes up excuses or tries to fool himself into believing he isn't, and then actually believes he's a "good" person for doing something here or there. We Americans, in our little lives, act like we are a country of compassion and this or that. But all of this is really just a way of keeping society together. We need to believe it. So that our country can rape and destroy other countries. Real "goodness" always is, and shows itself at every moment, even if it doesn't involve explicit acts of charity. I don't know why enlightenment or whatever happens... maybe its just a quirk in our biology and happens to a certain number of people given a certain population, societal pressures, and so on.

But it's goddamn depressing that life could just be a pointless thing that just happens. Because its so painful for the vast majority of people. And then the rest moreorless are lost in dream worlds that prevent them from helping others, and a lot of those that do help don't necessarily do a good job. It's just the absolute worse-case universal scenario. A cosmic sadism really. I guess all we can do is remove the part of our minds that puts so much importance on the details of content.... animals don't, and there doesn't seem to be a problem there.

Ralph
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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by Ralph » Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:15 pm

EternalPrize, ...perhaps you should take a break and forget about the outside world (them) for a moment and focus instead on the inside world (you).

...so my suggestion to you is "know thyself" first and then see if your point of view changes ?

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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by ZenDrumming » Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:55 pm

Hey EternalPrize. I can tell, from this topic and from some of your posts elsewhere that I recall, that our spiritual journeys are similar in a lot of ways.

I have been going through a cycle, alternating between "Presence", existential crisis, and complete apathy (not necessarily in that order). Lately, I've been more on the apathy side of things. There's a part of me that thinks I have to "trick" myself into doing anything at all because I need to falsely convince myself that it actually matters. To see the way a "normal" person operates nauseates me. It doesn't nauseate me because I think they're wrong for doing what they do (anymore). It nauseates me (now) because of the way I look at them, as if I know a secret they don't, and yet I'm the one sitting here in apathy and indifference. I feel that I'm continually given a priceless gift, but I continually refuse to accept it. I have seen Truth and then had it yanked away, and all I'm left with are memories and the feeling of knowing something others don't.

That's how it seems on that end of the spectrum.

On the other end, when I feel present, loving, and aware, the beauty of life is revealed and I will gladly participate in creating a beautiful experience for myself and those around me. Mental barriers drop.. they were never even there to begin with. Illusions become transparent, and Something shines through which is beyond words. I reflect on my time spent "asleep" fondly, and create the moment as it unfolds. Many questions quickly lose meaning. In fact, I can't think of any question that has retained meaning besides the simple "Why?" But I don't know if I'd want to live a life without "Why?"

My point in typing this out is to say that from the first perspective I described, perspective two has no meaning. From the second perspective, perspective one is seen, lovingly, as a temporary entanglement of twisted fabric. The harmony is already there, we are only working very hard to convince ourselves that we aren't a part of it. We can think ourselves into insanity and keep twisting the knot, or we can surrender and release our attention into awareness, where these questions don't matter.
Ralph wrote:EternalPrize, ...perhaps you should take a break and forget about the outside world (them) for a moment and focus instead on the inside world (you).

...so my suggestion to you is "know thyself" first and then see if your point of view changes ?
I think that this is good advice.

I hope my post made some sense. Cheers.

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Re: Terrified that my life is inescapable

Post by DavidB » Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:48 am

We live in a universe of polarity and because of this we fluctuate from positive to negative, riding a wave as it goes up and down. When we recognize an apparent down turn in our general wellbeing, this is nothing to be concerned about, it is just the journey through the bottom of the wave.

Being present means that we are present to ALL of life's circumstances and sometimes those circumstances don't feel very enlightened. This just means that we had some sort of expectation associated with what we imagined it would be to be enlightened.

Being present means allowing life to be as it is at any given moment, which includes those moments when we feel low or less than gracious or negative. In fact, it is these low periods which best enable us to better come to know who we are, as they provide the circumstances for those shadowy things to emerge, a wonderful opportunity to become more intimate with the hidden, less desirable aspects of self.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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