thoughts

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Enlightened2B
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thoughts

Post by Enlightened2B » Sun Jun 02, 2013 8:20 pm

I was a question that I'm hoping I could get at least an answer to. I am becoming more and more aware. I notice when my ego starts getting involved and the immediate awareness decreases the ego greatly. I've learned how to NOT dwell on any situation just by bringing awareness to that particular thought and it usually dissipates or once again decreases greatly.

However, at the time same there are a couple of things that I still cannot figure out with my ego. There are certain instances (for example dating) where a situation with someone will come to an end and I will continue to play the scenario over and over and over in my mind because I'm not sure what happened. Now, I'm confused because how are we supposed to learn from a situation such as an example with dating if we are unaware of why a situation ended. What happens with me is this....I break things off with a girl or she breaks things off with me and I will continue to play out the situation over and over in my mind. THEN, I will notice that my ego is getting in the way. But, when it comes to dating, just noticing the ego is simply not enough to stop the thought process because I need to UNDERSTAND what just happened in the situation. With most things in life, you get agitated by something trivial even if it's job related and you know become aware that your ego was at play and does not represent your identity. However, again, it seems to be harder for me with relationships and dating because in my mind, I need to have an understanding almost of what went wrong and why to learn from it. Yet, I don't know if this way of thinking is right. Are there any recommendations or some advice from others?

I appreciate any help.

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Sighclone
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Re: thoughts

Post by Sighclone » Sun Jun 02, 2013 8:38 pm

This is just my opinion.

People are attracted to each other sexually, regardless of the spiritual or psychological development of either. Moreover, that attraction usually has a deep egoic component to it, often unconscious: ("This person and I make a 'good couple,' -- he/she is sexy and that is attractive to me -- he/she likes my intellect, skill, future opportunities, sports ability, etc and that "makes me feel good." -- we are alike in so many ways, etc. etc...)

And the break-up can/will occur for many other egoic differences, also often unconscious: (I am tired of him/her now and want to move on to another thrill -- this person's sloppiness (or fastidiousness, or obsessiveness, etc) is starting to get to me, etc.) The final list of reasons for the breakup would be speculative and endless.

ET said that until we are 30 years old, that the ego is the boss. (Oprah webinar, session 6, I think.) That's where more babies come from! Sounds like the big engine of ego is purring away...don't resist it, but simply recognize that your ability to personally transcend its grasp for a day or two will probably not 1) be shared by girls and 2) keep you from being attracted to them on day 3!

Andy

It is unlikely that you and the dating partner are at the "same" place spiritually. The experience of Presence
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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rideforever
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Re: thoughts

Post by rideforever » Sun Jun 02, 2013 8:50 pm

It is the Ego who is playing the situation over and over again.

What are you learning ? Nothing.

How can you learn something if you are not here. You are NOT HERE. How can you learn ???

Do you think you said something wrong ! That if you play the conversations between you and her over and over, you will notice who said what and who ruined the relationship ?

And then what, will you be on your best behaviour next time ? Will make sure you don't screw up in the same way !!!!

This is not a relationship. You would be pretending to be ... nice, kind, polite, exciting ... whatever. Will you make a deal with your woman; I will behave like this, and you will behave like that. Like a business contract. How nasty. How lacking in love.

Be totally present now, and a learning will take place in your that you can't write down. A real learning.

Be true, Be here.
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small

Enlightened2B
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Re: thoughts

Post by Enlightened2B » Sun Jun 02, 2013 10:09 pm

Thank you so much for the responses. I apologize for the grammatical errors in my initial post. I typed it out really quickly and didn't proof read. Clearly, the situations that ended were not "right" and they were meant to end. It's more a matter of....closure, so to speak. I am fully aware that it is the Ego at work here.

Rideforever, that's a great point about not being here. But, then again, since I'm becoming aware of the Ego at work, are my still not here? When the thoughts are going over and over again in my mind and the Ego is doing its thing so finely, I am clearly not here. However, I am NOTICING that it indeed IS the Ego at work. Yet, I get emotions of worry that I need to "understand" what just happened in my situation. I am in a way wondering if things could have worked out differently and second guessing myself. I tend to do this so often with females even when I break up with them.

SighClone indicated not to resist the ego. Well how does that happen? I'm well read on ET books and have read both "New Earth" and "PON". I thought I had everything figured out and apparently, I haven't. When you finally acknowledge that the Ego is the reason behind these thoughts, do you just accept that and allow it to be there?

I think my main question through all of this is....How DO you learn from a situation like this in dating/relationships and ACCEPT it without identifying with your thoughts?

I appreciate all responses once again.

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Re: thoughts

Post by Enlightened2B » Sun Jun 02, 2013 10:12 pm

Here's what I've been really meaning to ask....how do I accept a situation where I was the one who screwed up? Point being that you play it over and over in your mind (Ego), but how can I accept that KNOWING that I made mistakes?

I'm sorry for the multiple messages.

ihavemorethanenough
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Re: thoughts

Post by ihavemorethanenough » Wed Jun 05, 2013 2:17 am

Enlightened2B wrote:Here's what I've been really meaning to ask....how do I accept a situation where I was the one who screwed up? Point being that you play it over and over in your mind (Ego), but how can I accept that KNOWING that I made mistakes?

I'm sorry for the multiple messages.
Hello, Enlightened2B. Acceptance is a dish best served cold. I don't know how to handle insults well (for example), because my attention is not well trained: it manages to dwell on the offense for a very long time, even against my will.
But whether starting out from a place of presence or without, when talking with others about something or other and I 'identify with my mental position', this almost always leads toward a hell.
And from this heated place the immediate reactions that follow often manage to chuck blame around but not to self, but with time I notice that blame does also find its way to self. And in more time still I might even come to see that (as you say) 'I made mistakes' but I was too blind to see it at the time, knowing this makes acceptance the more possible. Why, knowing I made a mistake is a powerful reason to bring acceptance, and if I see one I am glad at heart.

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Re: thoughts

Post by Sighclone » Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:51 am

how do I accept a situation where I was the one who screwed up
How do you know the "screwing up" was not part of a larger lesson for all involved? How do you know that any apparent suffering is not the key to a final release?

You can beat yourself up about a past "error." I have done that repeatedly. This is what Hanson and Mendius in "Buddha's Brain" refer to as a "second dart." This is a dart you throw at yourself. Don't do it, and do read that book.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

Enlightened2B
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Re: thoughts

Post by Enlightened2B » Thu Jun 06, 2013 7:38 am

Thank you so much for the last two responses which I did not see until now. This is all making more sense to me now and wow, it's an incredible feeling when it does make sense. I've been trapped in my mind for a LONG time and while I have been "aware" so to speak that presence is the "way", it hasn't registered the way it should and I have not been able to acknowledge the identity I have had with my thoughts and how my thoughts have essentially created a life story for myself for almost 32 years until now in a state of illusion.

Sighclone, thank you so much for the book recommendation. I will most DEFINITELY check it out.

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Re: thoughts

Post by Sighclone » Fri Jun 07, 2013 6:41 am

It's all good, E2B -- stick around and ask more questions and share experiences...welcome again.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Donna
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Re: thoughts

Post by Donna » Sat Jun 08, 2013 2:49 pm

Enlightened2B wrote:Here's what I've been really meaning to ask....how do I accept a situation where I was the one who screwed up? Point being that you play it over and over in your mind (Ego), but how can I accept that KNOWING that I made mistakes?

I'm sorry for the multiple messages.
It sounds to me as if you are trying to *control* an outcome thinking that if you figure out the cause of this situation, you'll be able to prevent the same thing occurring again in the future. This is futile for a couple of reasons I can think of right off the bat.

1) When there is more than one person involved, how can you truly understand what is going on in another person's mind? Learning how to communicate feelings honestly and effectively may help, however another person is still involved and the best communication put forth is still not going to "control" how they respond.

2) Sometimes mistakes are blessings in disguise. What do you want to believe is driving this life? Do you truly think that it is all YOU? To have relationship with that which is Divine, All That Is, Conscious Universe, whatever you want to call The Source,...is to SMILE on these situations and know that the outcome is meant to be.

Trust that your journey and all its stops along the way are there for a reason. As painful as they may feel, let them go without needing so much to understand why something happened, but trust that it is for your highest and own good...and others too.

Just my two cents worth... :)
~*~*~*~* I love to live and live to love. *~*~*~*~

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Re: thoughts

Post by Sighclone » Sun Jun 09, 2013 5:42 am

Donna -

Your particular thoughts are Always worth much more than two cents!!!

:)

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Re: thoughts

Post by merlin41 » Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:14 am

Donna wrote: Sometimes mistakes are blessings in disguise. What do you want to believe is driving this life? Do you truly think that it is all YOU? To have relationship with that which is Divine, All That Is, Conscious Universe, whatever you want to call The Source,...is to SMILE on these situations and know that the outcome is meant to be.

Trust that your journey and all its stops along the way are there for a reason. As painful as they may feel, let them go without needing so much to understand why something happened, but trust that it is for your highest and own good...and others too.
Sound advice IMO that's certainly been my experience of life, the painful times have always been the ones of most growth and opportunities to become more conscious.
Its easy to sleep when life is easy and under control, I have done this a lot of my life, since surrendering control and allowing it to unfold it has become much richer and more interesting.

Sighclone wrote: You can beat yourself up about a past "error." I have done that repeatedly. This is what Hanson and Mendius in "Buddha's Brain" refer to as a "second dart." This is a dart you throw at yourself. Don't do it, and do read that book.

Andy
You have mentioned this book before Andy I really must take a look!

Terry
“I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion--and where it isn't, that's where my work lies.”
― Ram Dass

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Re: thoughts

Post by Enlightened2B » Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:32 am

Thanks for the comments Donna and Terry. I completely agree with what both of you have said and have so much love for everyone on this forum. Something happened to me last week and a switch went off and everything clicked for me one complete afternoon after watching my 100th Tolle Video oddly and it was just an indescribable wonderful feeling. Everything's starting to make sense to me now and it's like a million pound load off my shoulder when one can finally acknowledge what they are and they don't have to live this life they have been associated with for so long. I love it. When they see themselves as the actual "space" that Tolle describes, life is just so much easier and wonderful. I have a lot to learn still, but progress has been made. Thank you all so much for this forum. Eckhart Tolle's teaching have completely changed my life.

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Re: thoughts

Post by merlin41 » Sun Jun 09, 2013 11:59 am

Enlightened2B wrote: Something happened to me last week and a switch went off and everything clicked for me one complete afternoon after watching my 100th Tolle Video oddly and it was just an indescribable wonderful feeling. .
Great news Enlightened I had one of those moments recently, and yes they are wonderful, enjoy the journey, for me it just seems to get better, even on the odd off day

Terry
“I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion--and where it isn't, that's where my work lies.”
― Ram Dass

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Donna
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Re: thoughts

Post by Donna » Sun Jun 09, 2013 1:21 pm

Sighclone wrote:Donna -

Your particular thoughts are Always worth much more than two cents!!!

:)

Andy
:D Nice, Andy!
Enlightened2B wrote:...Something happened to me last week and a switch went off and everything clicked for me one complete afternoon...
YAY! Hugs to both of you!
~*~*~*~* I love to live and live to love. *~*~*~*~

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