Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

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dijmart
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Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

Post by dijmart » Sun Aug 18, 2013 10:46 pm

At the end of 2009, I "the I am- not ego ME) awakened, then re-identified with the ego many, many times. Suffering always eventually brings back presence, awareness and Tolle teachings, however I wonder if this is going to continue like this?

I'm not a stranger to the teachings, I don't need "the usual pointers" when awareness returns I sense it is who I am and not the ego I had been identifying with and thinking was myself. I remember and feel that the world, thoughts, emotions are a play of form and unstable. However, the ego eventually returns and awareness slips away to be replaced with ego again that becomes deeply asleep, until major suffering occurs again.

Thoughts? ..Comments?
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tod
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Re: Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

Post by tod » Sun Aug 18, 2013 11:40 pm

dijmart wrote:At the end of 2009, I "the I am- not ego ME) awakened, then re-identified with the ego many, many times. Suffering always eventually brings back presence, awareness and Tolle teachings, however I wonder if this is going to continue like this?
Would it really matter if it did? I mean, I am sure that you know that this is only an imaginary cycle. That you, as awareness, are not really going into a world other than in thought/imagination.

And as this realisation or knowing sinks deeper, there is also a realisation that there is no cycle, that the feeling of cycling was only in thought/imagination.

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TemporalDissonance
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Re: Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

Post by TemporalDissonance » Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:40 am

Let go of the question of whether "things are going to continue like this". Let go of expectating how the process ought to be or not be. It is the ego's subtle resistance to regain control. See this "cycle" as what it really is.

Why "wait" for suffering to bring you back to presence?

dijmart
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Re: Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

Post by dijmart » Mon Aug 19, 2013 4:17 am

TemporalDissonance wrote: Why "wait" for suffering to bring you back to presence?
That's the point...or the question. I don't seem to remember my true self realizations when I fall back into the depths of ego? Perhaps I will not worry about it, as suggested.
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kiki
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Re: Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

Post by kiki » Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:33 am

dijmart wrote:
TemporalDissonance wrote: Why "wait" for suffering to bring you back to presence?
That's the point...or the question. I don't seem to remember my true self realizations when I fall back into the depths of ego? Perhaps I will not worry about it, as suggested.
Can there be acceptance of even this, of (seemingly) falling back into ego? Find out what happens if there can be acceptance of everything, including this. Don't beat yourself up for anything that happens, or have expectations of how it should be. Abidance steadies over time, but "lapses" aren't indicators that you have failed in any way. I'd say it's pretty much the same for nearly everyone.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
---

jimmyrich
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Re: Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

Post by jimmyrich » Mon Aug 19, 2013 11:08 am

dijmart wrote:However, the ego eventually returns and awareness slips away to be replaced with ego again that becomes deeply asleep, until major suffering occurs again. Thoughts? ..Comments?
Ramana Maharshi said: "When you forget who you are, ask your self ~ Who am I?"
For me, the answer can only be: me = a little egoic person or ME = Consciousness or Being. :)
That method works for me, but only after I realize that I am once again UNCONSCIOUS! :lol:

dijmart
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Re: Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

Post by dijmart » Tue Aug 20, 2013 2:56 am

Thanks everyone, I think maybe this is how it goes (for me at least) until some sort of balance and stabilization occurs. Outside stressors and/or busyness seems to take precedence when awareness of my true self dissipates. However, I think letting too much time go by without reconnecting to my inner being is what has made ego stay and play much too long, which of course has led to suffering.

I'll see how it goes.... :wink:
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Alphamonkey
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Re: Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

Post by Alphamonkey » Fri Sep 06, 2013 2:50 am

Let me know how it goes on this one. I started a new thread regarding the same thing. Check it out!

http://eckhart-tolle-forum.inner-growth ... 10&t=11793

dijmart
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Re: Awakening, then waxing and waning back to ego.

Post by dijmart » Sat Sep 07, 2013 10:02 pm

Alphamonkey wrote:Let me know how it goes on this one. I started a new thread regarding the same thing. Check it out!

http://eckhart-tolle-forum.inner-growth ... 10&t=11793
Since I started this thread I have been "awake" daily, some moments stronger and more pure then others. I've been able to see the pain body and old conditioning (patterns of behavior) when they are arising or just after they have arrived. I feel the energy of the pain body and see the negative thoughts, then I focus awareness upon it with the thought "I AM" and that makes it dissipate fairly quickly. Identification with thought is lessening with watching the thoughts and observation of it's destructing nature. I also have been diligent with reading Tolle and watching his videos on youtube daily, along with Mooji.

I have been allowing my ego to get knocked down a notch by others and then not try to regain what has been lost with reaction or words...it's hard sometimes but it's also refreshing and freeing. Also, it's interesting to see the ego in others at work when you are aware and not lost in thinking yourself.

Worry use to consume my thoughts (one worry after another), however since starting this thread when my mind has worrisome thoughts I say, "I am not my mind/thoughts" and ask myself "are these thoughts of any benefit to me?" then I'm usually able to let them go and/or take action. For instance, 10 days ago I hurt my back and my doctor said I could not work that week. At first my mind was reeling with thoughts regarding my work and how they would react, but I used the above.. "I am not my mind/thoughts" and asked myself "are these thoughts of any benefit to me?". Then I just took the appropriate action- called my boss, ect. So, then, today I go back to the doctor and he again says I can not work this week either. My mind again started to reel with thoughts of worry about the reaction of my employer, but again I used the same techniques and it dissipated quickly, because I was not completely identified with those thoughts yet and I took appropriate action- called my boss and left a message I would not be in this coming week. My point is this...normally, operating from ego, I would be suffering right now completely identified with the destructive thoughts of worry. However, I'm feeling quite at peace, since releasing those thoughts as being of no benefit to me.

For me, the trick to not losing myself for long periods in ego again has been the mini meditations Tolle talks about. Getting in touch with presence, awareness on a regular basis throughout the day, even if it's only one conscious breath here and there. I try to make it more often then that though, such as turning the radio off in the car and enjoying the surroundings, getting in touch with awareness while waiting in line, traffic and so on.
Take what you like and leave the rest.

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