Tired of the play

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Tired of the play

Postby dijmart » Sat Apr 12, 2014 6:03 pm

Is anyone else tired of the play of consciousness, tired of experiencing? I'm not depressed, I have a great job- pay is good, I'm married and have family. I have done self inquiry and I know who I am, but still there is an underlying feeling of being tired of experiencing, tired of living this body/mind experience, because although I know that from the ultimate perspective I'm not this body/mind, consciousness which I am, is still having to experience from this perspective called "Diana". I don't feel like this is coming from ego or a mental issue, I honestly feel that I have awakened so that this will be the mind's (soul/Jiva) last life. Can anyone relate?
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby Webwanderer » Sat Apr 12, 2014 8:44 pm

dijmart wrote:I honestly feel that I have awakened so that this will be the mind's (soul/Jiva) last life. Can anyone relate?

Maybe you are ready, or maybe you are not as clear as you could be on the value of this life experience. If you only believe you are ready, could you tell the difference? There is so much in physical life to be explored. Can the perspective from the limited mind ever be clear on the matter? Doesn't is seem that if the greater Mind sees it as time, you will be set free?

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Re: Tired of the play

Postby runstrails » Sat Apr 12, 2014 10:04 pm

Hey dij,
I have felt like you describe many times (and I'm not depressed or unhappy either). It passes soon enough however, and it's not happened very much recently. It might be a personality thing. Or it might be not enough balance between form and emptiness--(the pendulum swinging too much towards emptiness). Or it could be that I realize the illusion (of maya) pretty deeply.

I sometimes envy WW (and other posters) for the joie de vivre which they describe so eloquently in their posts.

But as I said, it passes soon enough and then I'm fully immersed in life again! However, even engrossed in life, bliss for me is never a joie de vivre type feeling, it's always more of a quiet sense of wellbeing (unless of course, I have a runner's high!).

Ultimately, I think its just a personality trait.

Good thread, I'm curious to see what others say.
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby peas » Sat Apr 12, 2014 11:28 pm

The answer is often hidden in the question. Are you able to look back over your question with openness?
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby dijmart » Sun Apr 13, 2014 4:58 am

WW said-
Maybe you are ready, or maybe you are not as clear as you could be on the value of this life experience. If you only believe you are ready, could you tell the difference? There is so much in physical life to be explored. Can the perspective from the limited mind ever be clear on the matter? Doesn't is seem that if the greater Mind sees it as time, you will be set free?


I see the value in experience and I also know there is exploring in the experience, but I am tired of experience and exploring. In my 43 yrs I feel like I've lived 80 yrs. Like an old person says "enough already, I'm tired!". I suppose you are correct though that when it is time, then I will be free, but I hope that freedom doesn't mean until next life. I'd much rather merge fully into the absolute/formlessness.

RT said-
I have felt like you describe many times (and I'm not depressed or unhappy either). It passes soon enough however, and it's not happened very much recently. It might be a personality thing. Or it might be not enough balance between form and emptiness--(the pendulum swinging too much towards emptiness). Or it could be that I realize the illusion (of maya) pretty deeply.


Thank you for speaking up regarding this, it's kinda nice to know I'm not the only one. It's hard to discuss because the first thing most would think (myself included) is that the person must be depressed or suicidal and that is not the case. I also am not sure why it is happening, just that it is and has been for me for at least 6 months.

RT said-
I sometimes envy WW (and other posters) for the joie de vivre which they describe so eloquently in their posts.
But as I said, it passes soon enough and then I'm fully immersed in life again! However, even engrossed in life, bliss for me is never a joie de vivre type feeling


Yes, I don't have bliss, peace sure, bliss no.

Peas said-
The answer is often hidden in the question. Are you able to look back over your question with openness?


I wrote a small paragraph to which part are you referring?

Because the only questions were this-

Is anyone else tired of the play of consciousness, tired of experiencing?


and this-

Can anyone relate?


The rest were statements.
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby peas » Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:54 am

Try to feel your way through the question, and now you have the follow-up question that you asked, which reveals more of the answer. If you have never explored your questions before then at least that is a new "life experience" that you can't say you are tired of ;-)
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby dijmart » Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:06 am

peas wrote:Try to feel your way through the question, and now you have the follow-up question that you asked, which reveals more of the answer.


Dude, if you don't have a comment that is fine by me, but no, I'm not going to be feeling my way through... whatever question you think I'm asking.
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby peas » Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:04 am

dijmart wrote:
peas wrote:Try to feel your way through the question, and now you have the follow-up question that you asked, which reveals more of the answer.


Dude, if you don't have a comment that is fine by me, but no, I'm not going to be feeling my way through... whatever question you think I'm asking.


I feel my way through each post I read. Sometimes it feels like some sort of advice is required. Other times, like in your case, it feels like the questioner is going around in circles by seeking other people's advice. That's when it's time for the questioner to seek their own advice.

Feeling your way through the questions that come out of you is very powerful. Your response of frustration only confirms that it may be time for you to take that next step in your spiritual awakening. Where there's smoke there's fire.

You can see patterns of your 'self' as you investigate what is being said. Self knowledge is truly the hardest knowledge to gain. Probably 99.9% of people give up. It can be very painful to question your 'self', but that truly is the gold at the end of the rainbow of awakening.
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby Fore » Sun Apr 13, 2014 1:57 pm

Hi Diana,
This is a list of the 10 fetters leading to birth,

1.belief in a self.
2.doubt or uncertainty, especially about the teachings.
3.attachment to rites and rituals.
4.sensual desire.
5.ill will.
6.lust for material existence, lust for material rebirth.
7.lust for immaterial existence, lust for rebirth in a formless realm.
8.conceit.
9.restlessness.
10.ignorance.

If you are tired(restlessness) of the play of consciousness, then you have more work to do, you have this human birth a perfect opportunity to practice this now, do the best you can with this moment and prepare for a good death.

Much success,
Fore :)
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby runstrails » Sun Apr 13, 2014 3:12 pm

Thinking more on it, Dij, I'm convinced it's a phase (part of the self assimilation process that happens after self realization). It too will pass. And then mountains will be mountains again (I think you know the Ox stages I refer to). But in the meantime keep us posted.
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby beginnersmind » Sun Apr 13, 2014 3:48 pm

I think this is more of a phase rather than an "awakening". Seeing the illusions and futility of the human condition on both a micro and macro level, I remember thinking, "what's the point of all of this? What's the point of all of this pursuing?" Life seemed kind of ridiculous at that point, like a joke, but I don't think this phase is the end all.

As someone pointed out the old Zen saying,

"First there is a mountain. Then there is no mountain. Then there is."
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby dijmart » Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:26 pm

Thanks for the reply Fore.

RT said-
Thinking more on it, Dij, I'm convinced it's a phase (part of the self assimilation process that happens after self realization). It too will pass. And then mountains will be mountains again (I think you know the Ox stages I refer to). But in the meantime keep us posted.


I actually don't know the Ox stages, but I did look it up online, not sure what stage I'm in though, since it wasn't explained well. I can see though how this could be a phase of self realization.


BM said-
I think this is more of a phase rather than an "awakening". Seeing the illusions and futility of the human condition on both a micro and macro level, I remember thinking, "what's the point of all of this? What's the point of all of this pursuing?" Life seemed kind of ridiculous at that point, like a joke, but I don't think this phase is the end all.


What's your definition of awakening?
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby dijmart » Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:24 pm

peas wrote:I feel my way through each post I read. Sometimes it feels like some sort of advice is required. Other times, like in your case, it feels like the questioner is going around in circles by seeking other people's advice. That's when it's time for the questioner to seek their own advice.


If I was only interested in seeking my own advice, then there would be no thread, it would not have been posted, but instead I wanted to hear what others had to say regarding how I feel and wondered if any felt the same. I find it valuable. If you do not feel the same, so be it, you aren't the one who started the thread. None of your replies have been a true comment on the original post.
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Re: Tired of the play

Postby beginnersmind » Sun Apr 13, 2014 6:51 pm

dijmart wrote:Thanks for the reply Fore.

RT said-
Thinking more on it, Dij, I'm convinced it's a phase (part of the self assimilation process that happens after self realization). It too will pass. And then mountains will be mountains again (I think you know the Ox stages I refer to). But in the meantime keep us posted.


I actually don't know the Ox stages, but I did look it up online, not sure what stage I'm in though, since it wasn't explained well. I can see though how this could be a phase of self realization.


BM said-
I think this is more of a phase rather than an "awakening". Seeing the illusions and futility of the human condition on both a micro and macro level, I remember thinking, "what's the point of all of this? What's the point of all of this pursuing?" Life seemed kind of ridiculous at that point, like a joke, but I don't think this phase is the end all.


What's your definition of awakening?


I don't have one, nor am I trying to achieve "enlightenment" or "awakening", as that would just be a pursuit of a conceptual idea that I made and then tried to achieve.

There are many "teachers" that have made the claim that they are enlightened or awakened, but by their fruits have shown they are lost in their own egoic patterns; sometimes more so than the students that follow them. They may cognitvely be able to explain conceptual ideas about spirituality, but certainly do not live the very ideas they express or expressed.

Then there are teachers that make no such claim, but by their fruits show they come from a place of love and compassion. They may still have to deal with egoic patterns, but they are not deluded into thinking that they have transcended them while at the same time demonstrating their ego in all its glory, like the previous teachers I mentioned.

The human condition is part of our experience of consciousness. No one is perfect, as the human condition itself is imperfect and we all make mistakes. Yet at the same time there is a perfection within each of us. Which is what Shunyru Suzuki was pointing to with his statement (paraphrased): You are all perfect just as you are and you could use some improvement.

I think what "awakening" is not, is a cognitive conceptual understanding of oneself. Ramana Maharshi's Self Inquiry helps to "Know Thyself" by questioning what we think we are, but are not. Yet this "knowing" is beyond the conceptual ideas.

Every "mystical experience" that I have had, had nothing to do with a conceptual understanding, but merely an experience of a peace so deep, words cannot describe it. I can say this about those experiences, that the world is very quiet when the mind is quiet. The Stillness is much "louder" than the noises of the world.

Yet, the spiritual path is not linear in my experience. It's an ebb and flow, peaks and valleys, and stumbling and getting up. So I tend to stay away from the conceptual ideas of "awakening" or "enlightenment" and try to just look to the Stillness. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I have to choose again.

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Re: Tired of the play

Postby Onceler » Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:18 pm

dijmart wrote:Is anyone else tired of the play of consciousness, tired of experiencing? I'm not depressed, I have a great job- pay is good, I'm married and have family. I have done self inquiry and I know who I am, but still there is an underlying feeling of being tired of experiencing, tired of living this body/mind experience, because although I know that from the ultimate perspective I'm not this body/mind, consciousness which I am, is still having to experience from this perspective called "Diana". I don't feel like this is coming from ego or a mental issue, I honestly feel that I have awakened so that this will be the mind's (soul/Jiva) last life. Can anyone relate?


Is it still winter where you are? Spring is finally here in the upper eastern quadrant of north america and I must say I'm losing the ennui you describe. I think there is a natural cycle to energy and has nothing to do with spiritual awareness or "advancement". It's just the flow of things. I am more in tune with energy after 3 years of Qi Gong and some acquaintance with Chinese chi theory and there certainly seems to be an ebb and flow to things that is much bigger than our bodies. I find the notion that we need to be blissful, happy, energetic, bright and curious all the time both onerous and annoying....and not true.

We can be aware when we're bored. We can be aware when we're depressed. When we're tired. We can grieve in awareness. I find my awareness seems to go through daily rhythms, but then there are these longer cycles of about 14 days, where I feel on and connected, relaxed, in the moment, etc. and then for the next two weeks, I'm slightly off kilter. Off kilter is as you describe it, not depressed, bored or anything like that, just a little off. I'm slightly more cynical, irritable, less likely to to really listen to others, etc.

Then I think there are even larger patterns of energy which have to do with the earth and the seasons. I usually feel depressed in the winter (and summer for some reason, but that's another story) and while I was not depressed this winter for like the first time ever, I noticed a very strange sensation, where it felt like I was depressed under my awareness. It's hard to describe, but there were no overt signs of emotional distress or negative thought ruts, but under it all was the familiar winter blues. The weird thing is that while this brought down my energy a bit, it didn't really bother me nor was I consciously aware of it. I've come to think I was depressed, but not suffering from it overtly....

Great topic and nice that you are creating a thread that allows for the gradations of experience over the usual "I've so got my spiritual shit together"....
Last edited by Onceler on Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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