I suppose I'm lacking the willingness. I've never been a very high energy person, so when my energy get's zapped, it's pretty bad, it feels like I'm dragging the body along kicking and screaming.
DJ I didn't realise you have MS goodness girl... give yourself a break (mentally as well as physically). As E2B says if our bodies are coping with dis~ease, especially a chronic, persistent one, we get used to operating 'effectively' at reduced energy levels as a matter of course, and like pain thresholds when we are used to pain, we may not realise when we've overdone it. We're just so used to the 'grind'.
I'm glad you took a day off. I heard a few years ago in the UK some organisations allowed a number of 'doona days' per year. Not for when you're so sick you can't get out of bed, but for days when all our body is craving is our attention, for more rest and less pressure just to let some of it leak away. On the employer's parts it makes sense to have rejuvenated staff at work rather than stressed, tired, cranky, and therefore less effective staff. Working in a place that understands that we are not machines would be a boost in itself.
If we go to understanding what it is to live with love uppermost - truly honouring our selves and others, loving our selves - treating our bodies, minds, and spirits with respect; and enacting gratitude and generosity - we wouldn't put ourselves or others through some of the ritualistic role-playing crap that engenders 'surviving' and towing the line, rather than authentically living.
You likely ARE dragging your body along kicking and screaming - and that's why it feels like that.
And, you are absolutely right that the relative matters - the relative is the 'matter' bit of life.
Learn to listen to your body, and treat it kindly. It will reward you tenfold.
I had a chronic disease (endometriosis) that caused merry heck for nigh on 40 years - with one surgically induced respite that lasted about 3 months and allowed me to understand what others meant by 'normal' -- made me cry actually as I had no idea 'that' - living without pain & associated side effects was what everyone had been asking about in feeling 'normal', when my 'normal' was far different, I just didn't know we were talking about two completely different things.
I realised in comparison to 'normal normal', at times I was operating with about 95% of my capacity flowing towards 'managing' 'coping' & 'surviving'. The 5% though became pretty big, it had to. With the realisation I became totally honest with myself and with others - you'll have to go easy on me, I've only got 5% energy to spare --- and I spent it wisely and not playing catch up when I was feeling better - to do that would have only drained me more and left me less capable for the next round.
Does that make sense? We need to stop 'keeping score' and just be honest and respectful of how it is right now
, offer no apologies or excuses for what 'is', and don't take on a debt of things not done.
Living, really living
attends mentally, physically and spiritually to what is right now (& therefore flows into emotional well being as well).
Being honestly unwilling, and being honest about being unwilling is wonderfully freeing!!
Think about it, people say "I can't" when they really mean 'I choose not to' but don't have the courage to say that
It comes from fear of disappointing someone, which comes from fear of them withdrawing their love... and oh what a tangled web we weave....
Cheryl Richardson's book Let Me Disappoint You
is brilliant in giving strategies in the art of 'extreme self care' that isn't narcissistic, it's actually a gift to all involved because honesty is the highest form of love. She speaks of learning to disappoint people with grace and love
There's an excerpt here http://www.healthywealthynwise.com/arti ... ticle=5614
So the next time you feel/think
"ugh, I don't want to!"
say it out loud
and don't do it unless you are completely happy and willing to. Love flows freely, resentment and resistance cannot find a foothold, and if it doesn't have a foothold it can't weigh you down or hold you back.
So, it's funny DJ, I think that next cycle / roller coaster ride in increasing awareness and authentic being may have arrived - fasten your seatbelt?
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen