Open relationships

A place for anything that doesn't fit into the existing forums
Phil2
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Re: Open relationships

Post by Phil2 » Sun Aug 17, 2014 10:23 pm

KathleenBrugger wrote:Sex that is then freed to be a celebration of being in the Now physically, and the bliss that comes from the sexual unity of two individuals.
This unity already exists between all persons ... why need sex to prove it ?

??

... maybe because you (thought) start from the erroneous assumption that we are separate beings ?

:?:
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

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KathleenBrugger
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Re: Open relationships

Post by KathleenBrugger » Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:11 pm

Phil2 wrote:
KathleenBrugger wrote:Sex that is then freed to be a celebration of being in the Now physically, and the bliss that comes from the sexual unity of two individuals.
This unity already exists between all persons ... why need sex to prove it ?

??

... maybe because you (thought) start from the erroneous assumption that we are separate beings ?

:?:
:lol: I expected that response! Sex isn't proving anything. It is just another way to experience that which already exists.
We are ALL Innocent by Reason of Insanity
http://kathleenbrugger.blogspot.com/

Enlightened2B
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Re: Open relationships

Post by Enlightened2B » Sun Aug 17, 2014 11:31 pm

KathleenBrugger wrote:
Enlightened2B wrote:
KathleenBrugger wrote: I am one of those on this forum who think that embracing the experience of life is why we're here, and that means embracing all of it, eminently including the pleasures of the senses. I am not an advocate of spirituality=removal from life. Imo, this has been propagated by a lot of teachers, both explicitly by teachers advocating retreat from the world, and implicitly by other teachers never talking about sexuality. During one period of my life I read a lot of spiritual books, and one thing I was looking for was some guidance on sexuality. How does your approach to sex change as you grow in consciousness? I never found much on the subject. I came up with some ideas of my own, I call it "clean sex," and there's a chapter on that in my book We Are ALL Innocent by Reason of Insanity.
Nicely said Kathleen.

I've talked about this with a couple of close friends and we agreed on this basic premise which is just an image, but I think it makes sense somewhat if one were to go down this path. If I were to ever embark down the 'open relationship' route, it would not be in the traditional sense of having sex with multiple people at the same time and then having sex with my spouse, because I do think that's a bit dangerous especially with the disease issues.

Instead, if there were no children involved, it would be me and my life partner/spouse/companion, but sexual relations would not be limited to this person or might not take place at all. It might strictly be companionship. Outside of this companionship, we would explore sexuality with one partner at a time and no more than one partner and make sure we knew that this sexual partner was 'clean'.

This way, your relationship with your partner/companion/spouse is not limited/clouded by sex and you are exploring sexuality outside of the limitations of the monogamous relationship. Not to mention that it might solve some 'marital' issues that take place between spouses today. Can't always be on the same page sexually, but if you have so many other facets of life to share with this person, why should one area of your life have to falter?

Just an idea. If children are involved, I feel it's a bit of a different situation. But, point being that you don't have to go crazy having sex with multiple random people to have an 'open relationship', but you can simply have sex with one person still, and STILL have an open relationship. It depends on the parties involved.
Yes exactly E2B. "Open relationship" doesn't mean a swinger lifestyle necessarily. It can mean carefully selected partners. It doesn't necessarily mean one person going off and having a separate relationship, but instead, it can mean a third person being brought into the relationship (even if sex isn't shared among all). The point I think you're making, which I agree with, is opening up the possibilities in sex. And this can definitely include just opening up what sex means in the relationship with your partner without bringing another into the mix. This is definitely part of what I mean by "clean sex." Sex with my husband that is freed from the cultural programming we have suffered from, that turned sex into a "dirty" act that had confusing and problematic combinations of lust and shame. Sex that is then freed to be a celebration of being in the Now physically, and the bliss that comes from the sexual unity of two individuals.
yes, very nice indeed Kathleen. It doesn't have to involve going out and having sex with multiple partners. At the same time, it can be something different than the culturally accepted version of monogamy, not that there is anything at all wrong with monogamy of course. Ultimately, they are all just different experiences. As long as they are all approached with compassion and understandings towards ourselves and our partner's feelings, and as long as no one's health is being put at risk, then it's just a different path of exploration.

karmarider
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Re: Open relationships

Post by karmarider » Mon Aug 18, 2014 1:10 am

KathleenBrugger wrote:I am one of those on this forum who think that embracing the experience of life is why we're here, and that means embracing all of it, eminently including the pleasures of the senses.
Well said!

I haven't done well with open relationships or with clandestine affairs. I don't think human beings are meant to be monogamous, but an open relationship requires much effort to overcome conditioning, and I'm too lazy to want to put in such effort. Temporary liasons when it is known by both they are temporary work well for me. Polygamous relationships might work well--though I don't have any experience with them.

Phil2
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Re: Open relationships

Post by Phil2 » Mon Aug 18, 2014 7:33 am

KathleenBrugger wrote:I expected that response! Sex isn't proving anything. It is just another way to experience that which already exists.
Do we need sex to experience what already exists ?

??
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

alex
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Re: Open relationships

Post by alex » Mon Aug 18, 2014 7:35 am

Yes exactly E2B. "Open relationship" doesn't mean a swinger lifestyle necessarily. It can mean carefully selected partners.
Yes, this would be what I'm leaning towards. I was never a fan of having sex with lots of different people anyway, I just don't quite feel like making it only one person. To be honest it's not even sex that is the real calling card, it's more like opening up to others, connecting and seeing where that goes. Pushing the imagined and self imposed boundaries. Maybe it's idealistic rather than realistic but I guess there's only one way to find out.

Thanks again!

alex
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Re: Open relationships

Post by alex » Mon Aug 18, 2014 7:44 am

Do we need sex to experience what already exists ?
Is that a serious question? Lol. I feel it doesn't justify an answer.

Phil2
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Re: Open relationships

Post by Phil2 » Mon Aug 18, 2014 7:49 am

alex wrote:
Do we need sex to experience what already exists ?
Is that a serious question? Lol. I feel it doesn't justify an answer.
Yes it is serious, so I repeat in a shorter form :

Do you need sex at all ?

??

Your body needs food and air and water ... but does your body need sex ?

??

So if not your body then what is it that 'needs' sex ?

??
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

alex
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Re: Open relationships

Post by alex » Mon Aug 18, 2014 7:56 am

It's not about 'needing' it, it's about experiencing it. Celebrating it. I'm sure God wouldn't have invented the female clitoris if we weren't meant to enjoy and embrace sexuality.
I'm not quite sure what you are trying to get at...

alex
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Re: Open relationships

Post by alex » Mon Aug 18, 2014 8:20 am

Your body needs food and air and water ... but does your body need sex ?

??
Also, you talk about food, air and water in terms of survival but doesn't the human species as a whole need sex to survive? It's a fairly innate desire, which comes back to...
KathleenBrugger wrote:
I am one of those on this forum who think that embracing the experience of life is why we're here, and that means embracing all of it, eminently including the pleasures of the senses. I am not an advocate of spirituality=removal from life.
Which I agree with.

I'm sorry I don't understand what you are trying to point at. Feel free to clarify further..

Phil2
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Re: Open relationships

Post by Phil2 » Mon Aug 18, 2014 2:19 pm

alex wrote:
Your body needs food and air and water ... but does your body need sex ?

??
Also, you talk about food, air and water in terms of survival but doesn't the human species as a whole need sex to survive? It's a fairly innate desire, which comes back to...
lol ... are you looking for new sexual partners in order to make "human species survive" ?

:lol:
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

Phil2
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Re: Open relationships

Post by Phil2 » Mon Aug 18, 2014 2:26 pm

alex wrote: I'm not quite sure what you are trying to get at...
My point is very simple: your desire for sexual partners is a quest for pleasure (see above) ... which comes from thought and its need to repeat pleasant past experiences ... this quest itself creates expectations hence time which can only lead to disappointments and suffering, because you can never experience the joy of the present moment when you build expectations about how things should be ...

In order to enjoy the now, you must be free of expectations and meet the present moment with a clear and open mind ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

Enlightened2B
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Re: Open relationships

Post by Enlightened2B » Mon Aug 18, 2014 3:01 pm

Phil2 wrote:
alex wrote:
Do we need sex to experience what already exists ?
Is that a serious question? Lol. I feel it doesn't justify an answer.
Yes it is serious, so I repeat in a shorter form :

Do you need sex at all ?

??

Your body needs food and air and water ... but does your body need sex ?

??

So if not your body then what is it that 'needs' sex ?

??
Your body doesn't need sex. That's not what Alex is saying though and I feel she's pretty clear about that. You can easily live your life celibate and there's nothing at all wrong with that. However, you are experiencing through a human body and therefore, you feel what the body feels.

Sex is just another wonderful thing to experience through this human form.

So, why not take advantage of it if one chooses to do so?

Nothing at all wrong with what the OP is saying.

slow ride
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Re: Open relationships

Post by slow ride » Mon Aug 18, 2014 3:35 pm

What is best for the child?

Is there any other question that matters?

Phil2
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Re: Open relationships

Post by Phil2 » Mon Aug 18, 2014 4:54 pm

Enlightened2B wrote: Sex is just another wonderful thing to experience through this human form.

So, why not take advantage of it if one chooses to do so?
This is the problem "taking advantage" ... "choosing" ...

What is it that "takes advantage" and "chooses" ?

??

It can only be thought, right ? ie. self looking for pleasure ...

Don't you know that 99% of what thought says is rubbish ...

:lol:
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

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