Open relationships

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Re: Open relationships

Postby Phil2 » Sat Aug 23, 2014 9:59 am

imago dei wrote:a partner is an enormous stress that i can't stand.


Yes I can relate to this too ...

Now one might question why having a partner is such a 'stress' ? ...

My answer would be that we live in a culture where we expect all kinds of 'behaviours' from our partner ... we expect our partner to be present when we have problems, to participate in the daily tasks, to fix problems in the house, to earn money, to bring children to school, to give us a present at Valentine's day or birthday, to visit our parents, even to have sex when we need etc etc ... all kinds of expectations according also to 'traditional or conventional roles', to be a good mother, a good father, a good husband, a good worker, a good Christian etc ... so we build all kinds of images about what our partner must be ... and we have to make huge efforts in order to remain in conformity with what is expected from us, all those endless expectations are an incredible 'burden' ... and this is very very stressful indeed ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: Open relationships

Postby imago dei » Sat Aug 23, 2014 12:01 pm

Phil2 wrote:
imago dei wrote:
Phil2 wrote:I hope you're not being sarcastic.


No, no ID, I am very sincere here, not sarcastic at all ... I know how difficult it might be to live in your situation, to face the material difficulties of living alone and raise your daughter ... and have a job etc ...

But you chose freedom (instead of the comfortable prison of 'conformism' and doing what others tell you), and I respect this infinitely ...

Exactly, i would define that way of "life and routine" as a prison, nothing else than a prison that scares me a lot. I've lived in a golden prison for long time in my previous "traditional" relationships, i had more money, a bigger car and someone who helps you with cleaning up the house. But my inner state?! I was desperate and extremeyly unhappy, a deep rebel scream came out from my soul "I HAVE TO GO AWAY!!!!"....unhappiness had reached the higher point.
During the week from 8,00 to 16,00 at work, then shopping, on friday with friends and their kids, saturday to the pub and sunday with grandparents....spare money for your old age....don't be friendly with men otherwise they think you're a slut, dress like this and not like that.....NO!! THAT`S THE LIFE THAT I DON`T WANT TO LEAD!!!!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Believe me, i prefer living on the street and sleep under the bridges, than having such a miserable, soulless life...conformism is not for me, even if 90% of people seems to live perfectly with it :/
Now i'm poor and kinda "socially rejected" by the "clan" of my ex partner, but i'm so damn happy inside of my heart.....it has no price, i will never sell my freedom, not even for all the gold and platin of the world....
Know thyself.
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Re: Open relationships

Postby Phil2 » Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:48 pm

imago dei wrote:Now i'm poor and kinda "socially rejected" by the "clan" of my ex partner, but i'm so damn happy inside of my heart.....it has no price, i will never sell my freedom, not even for all the gold and platin of the world....


Right, freedom also means to be able to face the aloneness of being rejected and socially excluded ... it is kind of 'price to pay' ... but once you taste freedom, you pay this price with joy ... even if at times life might seem hard and unjust ... then you will meet new people who will be more in harmony with you ...

:)
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: Open relationships

Postby imago dei » Sat Aug 23, 2014 5:07 pm

Phil2 wrote:
imago dei wrote:Now i'm poor and kinda "socially rejected" by the "clan" of my ex partner, but i'm so damn happy inside of my heart.....it has no price, i will never sell my freedom, not even for all the gold and platin of the world....


Right, freedom also means to be able to face the aloneness of being rejected and socially excluded ... it is kind of 'price to pay' ... but once you taste freedom, you pay this price with joy ... even if at times life might seem hard and unjust ... then you will meet new people who will be more in harmony with you ...

:)

I'm currently spending the weekends in this small village in total loneliness (my daughter is sometimes in the we with her father), sparing money to move to the big city of Leipzig in 1 month (i currently live near it). So, it's not wasted time. I'm storing money and energies for the big city, where i'll meet lot of new people. There's no loneliness nor sadness in my heart...i have my beloved music, my books, nature and lot of dreams, that are going to come true.
I'm planning the near future not forgetting that life is here and now and i'll never lose what really counts.
Know thyself.
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Re: Open relationships

Postby Phil2 » Sat Aug 23, 2014 5:39 pm

imago dei wrote:I'm currently spending the weekends in this small village in total loneliness (my daughter is sometimes in the we with her father), sparing money to move to the big city of Leipzig in 1 month (i currently live near it). So, it's not wasted time. I'm storing money and energies for the big city, where i'll meet lot of new people. There's no loneliness nor sadness in my heart...i have my beloved music, my books, nature and lot of dreams, that are going to come true.
I'm planning the near future not forgetting that life is here and now and i'll never lose what really counts.


Seems you are on a good track ... listen to your heart ...

:)
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: Open relationships

Postby imago dei » Sun Aug 24, 2014 8:49 am

Phil2 wrote:
imago dei wrote:I'm currently spending the weekends in this small village in total loneliness (my daughter is sometimes in the we with her father), sparing money to move to the big city of Leipzig in 1 month (i currently live near it). So, it's not wasted time. I'm storing money and energies for the big city, where i'll meet lot of new people. There's no loneliness nor sadness in my heart...i have my beloved music, my books, nature and lot of dreams, that are going to come true.
I'm planning the near future not forgetting that life is here and now and i'll never lose what really counts.


Seems you are on a good track ... listen to your heart ...

:)

ALWAYS listening to my heart....he can never be wrong ;)
Know thyself.
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Re: Open relationships

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Sun Aug 24, 2014 9:01 pm

I loved reading this thread!

Thanks for being open to talk about it Alex. I agree, as others have said in this thread, that sexuality is often ignored or demonised in spiritual circles. I see sexuality as an aspect of Life and as such something to be explored. It can be ignored or suppressed, but, in my opinion, that leads to blockages leading to psychological and physical suffering.

For me, I used to be very needy or dismissive in sexual relationships, then I went on a sexual detox for over a year. Now I'm clean, and ready to move back into it, with a fresh and excited perspective! And just as I started feeling like this, I came into work and two new girls were sat on the desks either side of me and I had a lovely return to the world of flirting :P

In a sense I feel we are a combination of the personalities of each of our chakras. I asked each of them about what they felt about me going back on the scene. My root chakra said 'f&£k them senseless' haha! He's a cheeky chappy! My heart said 'I love them!', my throat said 'explore your assertiveness and self-confidence with them' my third eye didn't say anything but showed me images of beautiful, vividly colourful tantric sexual activities to explore sexuality beyond the physical, my crown said 'explore your individual uniqueness within Oneness. Explore the shifting between one and two and more while always unified within the Oneness of your fundamental natures'.

I hope your exploration goes well Alex! It sounds like just the investigating of it is helping you to learn about yourself. Whether you feel it right or not to carry on with it, I sense the sincerity in you and love seeing it here.

Love, Sincerity, Unity,

Jack
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Re: Open relationships

Postby alex » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:31 am

My root chakra said 'f&£k them senseless' haha! He's a cheeky chappy!


Haha! Oh thank you Jack that had me giggling for ages. You beautiful funny man.

My root chakra said 'f&£k them senseless' haha! He's a cheeky chappy! My heart said 'I love them!', my throat said 'explore your assertiveness and self-confidence with them' my third eye didn't say anything but showed me images of beautiful, vividly colourful tantric sexual activities to explore sexuality beyond the physical, my crown said 'explore your individual uniqueness within Oneness. Explore the shifting between one and two and more while always unified within the Oneness of your fundamental natures'.


Beautiful, we are certainly vast enough to hold all of that!

I see sexuality as an aspect of Life and as such something to be explored. It can be ignored or suppressed, but, in my opinion, that leads to blockages leading to psychological and physical suffering.


Yup, I agree. Why block the flow yo?

I hope your exploration goes well Alex! It sounds like just the investigating of it is helping you to learn about yourself.


Thanks Jack, exploring it really did help. The best thing that I've got out of it so far? After asking my partner about it I felt quite vulnerable, like setting a match to our relationship a little. I realised the part of me that wanted control, it was scary losing control through letting go of those rigid rules. I did though, once I saw where I was trying to hold on I let go completely and boy did I have a massive expansion and sinking into my depths and love attack.
I think life wakes us up of we're truly open to it. If we don't turn away from anything.
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Re: Open relationships

Postby alex » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:35 am

imago dei wrote:
I'm currently spending the weekends in this small village in total loneliness (my daughter is sometimes in the we with her father), sparing money to move to the big city of Leipzig in 1 month (i currently live near it). So, it's not wasted time. I'm storing money and energies for the big city, where i'll meet lot of new people. There's no loneliness nor sadness in my heart...i have my beloved music, my books, nature and lot of dreams, that are going to come true.
I'm planning the near future not forgetting that life is here and now and i'll never lose what really counts.


It sounds like you're in a beautiful place. You go girl, take life by the balls, do what makes you feel alive, follow your heart.
xx
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Re: Open relationships

Postby Lazypoet » Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:38 am

To imagodel

I think your posts are really inspiring to read. I love the fact that you follow your intuition at all times,

even when a relationship offers comfort and economical wealth.

The only thing I would say to you now is,

be careful not to romanticise having nothing.

People often go from polar opposites in life. But there is a middle road to thread. You don't have to be poor if you don't want to be.

Sending all the love I can muster,

Christoffer

PART 2

Dear friend,

EnterZenFromThere,

Can you please explain more about your sexual detox?

I'm quite addicted to porn these days. I think most men can relate. It's an unhealthy addiction.

Do you have any thoughts to add to this?

Does it hurt not doing it for a whole year?

Love,

Christoffer
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Re: Open relationships

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:14 pm

Hi Christoffer,

You can call me Jack if you like. I always find it strange when people refer to me by my 'stage name' of EnterZen. It feels less personal. I like getting personal :P

Haha yeah I can relate to the porn addiction. I used to be a kind of sex and conditional love addict too. Needing the affection of others and feeling unable to cope with life without it. I guess I used sex as a way of releasing pent up energies about my relationships with other people. My detox wasn't intentional initially. I came out of a toxic relationship and desperately wanted another one to fill the gap. It didn't come up and I had to go cold turkey. I started to awaken around that time and then my relationship detox became more of a conscious exploration of my relationships and sexuality.

So I was forced into a position by my life where I wasn't having sex or much of any kind of human affection. Over time I learned that I didn't need those things. That I could be complete and happy without them. I found that an exploration of the Present could allow me to let go of the negativity I had around relationships and sex. I explored going weeks without masturbating, or masturbating a lot. I was just Present during it and exploring the experience of each different way of being sexual. Being fully Present during orgasms is interesting. I'd abstain from porn for a long time, or watch lots of different types that I wouldn't normally, including homosexual porn as a way of letting go of any negativity and confusion tied up in a largely heterosexual society. I think most straight men have a fear of being gay at some level, so I wanted to explore that and see what it was all about. Doing that was an incredible relief - surprisingly so. From this I feel I learned that my sexual preferences are the same as before, but now there is more clarity and purity in them as the fear that perhaps my preferences are something that I don't want them to be has been reduced. I'd feel comfortable if my sexual preferences were very different to how they are now, but I like them as they are now. I'm happy where I am now, but free to explore other avenues if that should arise. Purging myself of the NEED for a DEPENDENT relationship was a big thing for me. With this and my sexuality in a new harmony I'm excited to get back into the direct experiential exploration of romantic relationships, in whatever way that unfolds.

Personally, I don't feel there is anything wrong with watching a lot of porn. If you feel it is becoming a problem for you, try cutting it down or abstaining completely for a while just to see how that feels. Compare the differences. I certainly don't feel there is anything un-spiritual about porn or sex. We are here embodied to explore the full experience of this process. One aspect of that process is sexuality. I see it as something to be celebrated and explored in full! Respectful, dignified and free at its root, even if the type of sex you like my appear disrespectful, forceful and controlling on the surface, it can always have an underlying love, appreciation and compassion for the individual/s you are exploring your sexuality with.

Sexuality is individual and something we can all explore for ourselves. If I could give any advice from what I've learned, it's to be sincere, honest, and open with yourself about your sexuality. It seems that Spirit is much more open to sexuality than our culture. F&£k the rules!

I'm glad we're talking about this. It's often overlooked, as if sex is sinful. But to deny sex is to deny Life - and I'm not into that.

Love, Lust, Passion,

Jack
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Re: Open relationships

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:32 pm

Thanks Alex :) I love making people laugh. Puns seem to be flying out of me these days (I guess it's something to do with Universal alignment) so I get to make people laugh a lot. My two favourite ones recently:

I was at work drinks and a statistician said he was falling out of love with statistics. 'What? You can't get no statistfaction?'

A friend asked if I'd seen Darren Aronofsky's film Noah. 'It didn't get good reviews. I du-Noah if I want to watch it'

I didn't know I was going to say either of these puns so I burst into hysterics when I realised what I'd said! One of my friends said the thing she finds funniest about me doing it is the surprise on my face :lol: 8)

Yeah I think we're pretty damn vast! I feel sometimes we have a rainbow identity. A rainbow is a whole, but also made of distinct colour sections, which are themselves filled with different aspects of that one colour. Pure light refracted into it's component parts so the joy of the distinction between these parts and how they differ from the whole can be perceived. Eeeeeeeeee! Life is Great!!! *much leg kicking and toes jiggling!*

Mmm *head nodding* vulnerability! You're like an Olympic diver gracefully somersaulting into the depths of you! It's easier to dive in the vulnerability of near nudity. Try and dive in the protective layers of winter clothing and it's belly flopping time! Recently I've been feeling into my experience when an event arises and seeing how defence mechanisms kick in and just letting them fall away, staying with the experience in my psychological nudity. The result is a new intensity to the joy of my heart exploding through and enlivening every part of my being! Ooooo! Life is so intimate! I'm in love!

Ooo! Eee! Ahh!

Jack
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Re: Open relationships

Postby imago dei » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:47 pm

Lazypoet wrote:To imagodel

I think your posts are really inspiring to read. I love the fact that you follow your intuition at all times,

even when a relationship offers comfort and economical wealth.

The only thing I would say to you now is,

be careful not to romanticise having nothing.

People often go from polar opposites in life. But there is a middle road to thread. You don't have to be poor if you don't want to be.

Sending all the love I can muster,

Christoffer

PART 2

Dear friend,

EnterZenFromThere,

Can you please explain more about your sexual detox?

I'm quite addicted to porn these days. I think most men can relate. It's an unhealthy addiction.

Do you have any thoughts to add to this?

Does it hurt not doing it for a whole year?

Love,

Christoffer

Hi Chris,
you mean economically poor?? Well, i don't have much but i'm working to improve my situation. I don't want to complain however, i have the most important things we need. I have the feeling that -on the contrary- my life is very rich, rich of feeling, emotions, goals to achieve, strength...One day i'll have much more money, i'm sure of it, but i want MY money and my independence, not someone else to feed me. Noway.
And i'm not forcing anything, i don't force myself to stay "lonely", i just feel confortable this way. I honestly see no reason to have a partner, for what we need it?? For anything. I have a wonderful daughter, a couple of good friends, my father who loves me even if far away....actually the presence of a man is very annoying for me and i can't stand it, i feel suffocated and uncomfortable. I don't want anyone. I don't even have sex since long time, maybe it happens once a year (well, i like it, but there are no chances where i live now, at 30 everyone has family and children).
@ Alex
Thanks for the kind words, i hope you can do what you really want, too ;)))
Know thyself.
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Re: Open relationships

Postby alex » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:57 pm

Christoffer, I hope you don't mind me adding my two cents, I studied the effects of pornography addiction a while ago as I had a boyfriend who was really hooked on it. It kind of bashed my self esteem around a little back then. I could understand watching it maybe weekly but he would do it multiple times daily and actually preferred it over real sex sometimes. Ouch. I suffered a lot!
Anyway, it can actually be a physical addiction in that a person gets addicted to the rush of feel good chemicals produced when watching it. If the addiction gets serious then more and more porn is needed to get the same hit, sometimes dabbling in more hardcore deviant stuff becomes the norm.
The addiction can have far reaching effects into a lot of areas in your life such as your real life sexual experiences, trying to maintain a relationship, your cognitive functioning, self esteem etc.
I think that if you're into higher consciousness then you want to kind of free yourself from that unhealthy dependency on an external source. It is truly mind warping and fogging for a lot of men.
Don't get me wrong, I watch it every now and then, but to be physically addicted to it... yeah I'd be looking at how I could clear my life of that.
From what I studied, the addiction to porn is most effectively treated by the same method that is most effective on all addictions - going 'cold turkey' (just completely stopping.)
You could use the period of withdrawal symptoms to really get present, to feel the waves of longing and needing and discomfort in your body and really become conscious of your mind and beliefs.
I have a young son and its unfortunate that he will have to grow up amidst this era of endless porn being available at ones finger tips. It can be really damaging and hard to let go of for so many.
All the best on your journey and remember you are so very capable of seeing through this and clearing yourself of it.
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Re: Open relationships

Postby crsnja » Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:30 pm

I don't see how porn can be spiritual, It is the depiction of form completely devoided of any substance. It litteraly turns human beings into objects. It is almost always about degrading and humiliating women and making it sexual. Imo, this is probably one of the strongest illustration of the deeply disfonctionnal nature of the ego.

Now, I'm pretty sure it's possible to make some porn that is less ego & more spiritual... It probably wouldn't be called pornography though, as it means "depiction of the pornae", pornaes were the sex slaves in Ancient Greece...
"With peace in my hand,
Compassion is my gun,
Shooting all illusions,
I'm dying like a soldier"
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