You can call me Jack if you like. I always find it strange when people refer to me by my 'stage name' of EnterZen. It feels less personal. I like getting personal
Haha yeah I can relate to the porn addiction. I used to be a kind of sex and conditional love addict too. Needing the affection of others and feeling unable to cope with life without it. I guess I used sex as a way of releasing pent up energies about my relationships with other people. My detox wasn't intentional initially. I came out of a toxic relationship and desperately wanted another one to fill the gap. It didn't come up and I had to go cold turkey. I started to awaken around that time and then my relationship detox became more of a conscious exploration of my relationships and sexuality.
So I was forced into a position by my life where I wasn't having sex or much of any kind of human affection. Over time I learned that I didn't need those things. That I could be complete and happy without them. I found that an exploration of the Present could allow me to let go of the negativity I had around relationships and sex. I explored going weeks without masturbating, or masturbating a lot. I was just Present during it and exploring the experience of each different way of being sexual. Being fully Present during orgasms is interesting. I'd abstain from porn for a long time, or watch lots of different types that I wouldn't normally, including homosexual porn as a way of letting go of any negativity and confusion tied up in a largely heterosexual society. I think most straight men have a fear of being gay at some level, so I wanted to explore that and see what it was all about. Doing that was an incredible relief - surprisingly so. From this I feel I learned that my sexual preferences are the same as before, but now there is more clarity and purity in them as the fear that perhaps my preferences are something that I don't want them to be has been reduced. I'd feel comfortable if my sexual preferences were very different to how they are now, but I like them as they are now. I'm happy where I am now, but free to explore other avenues if that should arise. Purging myself of the NEED for a DEPENDENT relationship was a big thing for me. With this and my sexuality in a new harmony I'm excited to get back into the direct experiential exploration of romantic relationships, in whatever way that unfolds.
Personally, I don't feel there is anything wrong with watching a lot of porn. If you feel it is becoming a problem for you, try cutting it down or abstaining completely for a while just to see how that feels. Compare the differences. I certainly don't feel there is anything un-spiritual about porn or sex. We are here embodied to explore the full experience of this process. One aspect of that process is sexuality. I see it as something to be celebrated and explored in full! Respectful, dignified and free at its root, even if the type of sex you like my appear disrespectful, forceful and controlling on the surface, it can always have an underlying love, appreciation and compassion for the individual/s you are exploring your sexuality with.
Sexuality is individual and something we can all explore for ourselves. If I could give any advice from what I've learned, it's to be sincere, honest, and open with yourself about your sexuality. It seems that Spirit is much more open to sexuality than our culture. F&£k the rules!
I'm glad we're talking about this. It's often overlooked, as if sex is sinful. But to deny sex is to deny Life - and I'm not into that.
Love, Lust, Passion,