love your neighbor as yourself...??

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presenttense
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love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by presenttense » Thu Sep 11, 2014 6:12 pm

Why the more you do for a person the more this person treats you badly, or
The more you treat someone with kindness, respect, love, you get less respect, love, kindness from this person?

People say to me, the others will treat you the way YOU treat yourself. I am generous, kindness with others the way I am with myself.
What I receive in return: betrayal, rejection, mistreatment.

I see people who are not really interested in others, they only act according to their own benefit, and they receive love, affection, people admire them.

So the thing is: we should love ourselves first and only?
"You shall love your neighbor as yourself" does not work anymore here on earth?

Thanks

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Webwanderer
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Re: love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by Webwanderer » Thu Sep 11, 2014 6:54 pm

It may not be so much about what you do, but more about what you believe in your heart. Your post suggests that you believe people treat you badly even though you treat them with respect and love. Are you focusing on the poor nature of their treatment over the love and respect you say you express? Do you genuinely feel love and respect, or is it more dutiful?

I'm not asking these questions necessarily to receive and answer, but rather for you to consider in your own experience. What do you feel towards others when they don't respond the way you think they 'should'? Expectations of the behavior of others may be a sign of underlying beliefs.

WW

Phil2
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Re: love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by Phil2 » Fri Sep 12, 2014 8:43 am

presenttense wrote:Why the more you do for a person the more this person treats you badly, or
The more you treat someone with kindness, respect, love, you get less respect, love, kindness from this person?
The problem comes from your 'expectations' ... you are in the 'business' of affection: I give you this and I want to get that in exchange ... this is nothing else than 'commerce' ... and commerce doesn't work much in the business of relationships ...

What must be dropped totally is your need for affection, love, attention, recognition etc ... as long as you expect a 'return' you will be disappointed ... just take others as they are ... no need to be a 'beggar' of affection ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

presenttense
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Re: love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by presenttense » Fri Sep 12, 2014 1:21 pm

Webwanderer wrote: I'm not asking these questions necessarily to receive and answer, but rather for you to consider in your own experience. What do you feel towards others when they don't respond the way you think they 'should'? Expectations of the behavior of others may be a sign of underlying beliefs.

WW
Phil2 wrote: What must be dropped totally is your need for affection, love, attention, recognition etc ... as long as you expect a 'return' you will be disappointed ... just take others as they are ... no need to be a 'beggar' of affection ...
Thank you WW and Phil
I dont think my feelings and actions change even if I dont receive an expected answer. I am just observing things as they happens. And as Phil wrote..I am not begging for affection or good treatment. I am just observing what I receive comparing to others. The same person has different actions towards me and other person. The same person has bad actions towards me and act like an angel with other. My actions are the same with all kind of people. I dont need to change my behavior.

For example, do you know some people who treats badly their employees, however they are great with their friends. I can see a lot of these examples close to me. So, this is what happens. But not as boss and employee, but this happens with some friends, relationships. I can see clearly they interacting in a very good mood, kindly with others, but not with me.

Phil2
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Re: love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by Phil2 » Fri Sep 12, 2014 2:00 pm

presenttense wrote: The same person has different actions towards me and other person.
Maybe you project some kind of negativity ? Are you a rather sad person ? or maybe depressive ?

??
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

presenttense
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Re: love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by presenttense » Fri Sep 12, 2014 5:25 pm

Yes Phil, I become negative after the bad treatment. Usually I'm fine, excited and after the contact with a certain person, if the treatment i receive is not good, if the person is discouraged to talk with me, I also feel sad.
My feelings towards the person does not change, but I believe I show my sadness because of the inferior treatment I received.
I've never been able to hide my feelings and I am too sensitive.

tod
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Re: love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by tod » Sat Sep 13, 2014 1:18 am

presenttense wrote: The more you treat someone with kindness, respect, love, you get less respect, love, kindness from this person?
If this is the case then it is highly likely that you are coming from a formula as to what kindness, respect and love is, ie what it should look or feel like.

Kindness, respect and love do not necessarily feel good. Such feelings can and do point to what you are doing in your mind, ie in your thought, to create your experience.

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far_eastofwest
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Re: love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by far_eastofwest » Sat Sep 13, 2014 2:42 am

Well it all depends on whom you are giving your affection to.
If its kids, well of course it is given freely and there is no expectation of 'return'. (though generally there is 'return' but its not a necessary part of the deal)
With adults, its a case of being a little choosy, like Jesus said "don't caste your pearls amongst swine".
Summed it up nicely, some people its just a waste, so if you love to share the love, then find people who actually value it.

People who change their actions between people (ie, hubby is nice to all his friends, puts on a chirpy voice when the phone rings and as soon as the call is over turns back into mr grumpy) its a form of emotional manipulation. It may have you feeling 'depressive' as a result and they can point the bony finger of blame onto you and say 'you are sad sack and emnate negativity'. Cause and effect..... its hard to tell which is which. Sometimes its a cycle that all parties contribute to.

If you are just as nice to yourself as you are to your neighbours that is great. But being nice to yourself includes setting up boundaries and not continuing to 'try hard to please' like a dog regardless if you are appreciated or not.
I don't really think letting go of the need for approval, love, affection, attention, recognition is the go (certainly not for me thats for sure). Its more a case of being discerning and not trying to get these needs met from people who are either incapable or simply don't want to. Maybe you can get 'need for recognition' from one person and 'need for affection' from another (failing that cats are good).
If you feel that you are somewhat depressive, maybe that is the Effect of being neglected when you try hard to please, rather than the cause, or maybe their is something in you that finds familiarity in being rejected?
Check out codependence if you give, give, give and feel bad about the whole deal.
Also if you 'feel excited and look forward to seeing a person' and feel like crap afterwards depending on how they acted... its a trait of codependent learned behaviours.
:)
There is nothing harder to find than a black cat in a dark room
Especially when there is no cat....

presenttense
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Re: love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by presenttense » Sat Sep 13, 2014 4:46 am

tod wrote: If this is the case then it is highly likely that you are coming from a formula as to what kindness, respect and love is, ie what it should look or feel like.
Kindness, respect and love do not necessarily feel good.
Thank you, you are right.
And...people have the right to dislike me ...
far_eastofwest wrote: With adults, its a case of being a little choosy, like Jesus said "don't caste your pearls amongst swine".
Summed it up nicely, some people its just a waste, so if you love to share the love, then find people who actually value it.
:) thank you...I think I am trusting in the wrong people, sometimes...
far_eastofwest wrote: People who change their actions between people (ie, hubby is nice to all his friends, puts on a chirpy voice when the phone rings and as soon as the call is over turns back into mr grumpy) its a form of emotional manipulation. It may have you feeling 'depressive' as a result and they can point the bony finger of blame onto you and say 'you are sad sack and emnate negativity'. Cause and effect..... its hard to tell which is which. Sometimes its a cycle that all parties contribute to.

If you are just as nice to yourself as you are to your neighbours that is great. But being nice to yourself includes setting up boundaries and not continuing to 'try hard to please' like a dog regardless if you are appreciated or not.

I don't really think letting go of the need for approval, love, affection, attention, recognition is the go (certainly not for me thats for sure). Its more a case of being discerning and not trying to get these needs met from people who are either incapable or simply don't want to. Maybe you can get 'need for recognition' from one person and 'need for affection' from another (failing that cats are good).
If you feel that you are somewhat depressive, maybe that is the Effect of being neglected when you try hard to please, rather than the cause, or maybe their is something in you that finds familiarity in being rejected?
Check out codependence if you give, give, give and feel bad about the whole deal.
Also if you 'feel excited and look forward to seeing a person' and feel like crap afterwards depending on how they acted... its a trait of codependent learned behaviours.
:)
:( I am always trying to please people I like...I see this as an act of love, affection...
codependent behaviours...maybe you are right...

Phil2
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Re: love your neighbor as yourself...??

Post by Phil2 » Sat Sep 13, 2014 9:39 am

far_eastofwest wrote: Summed it up nicely, some people its just a waste, so if you love to share the love, then find people who actually value it.
Well maybe those who do not 'value' love are the ones who need love the most ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

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