- the notions of fear
- the notions of what authenticity is
- the fears that arise when one seeks to be authentic
- the no action curl into a ball response to awareness, and going beyond that
- the notions of what is courage
- and where does our sense of vulnerability come from, what does it look like, where does it go
For these spiderwebs I thought to give it its own topic - what arises in response, in connection with it.
This Ted talk explores her own vulnerability arising and speaks of noticing differences between those who embrace life 'whole heartedly' and those who don't, those who live in fear of disconnection.
There are so many gems in it - the throwaway asides that invariably occur in the presentation of a 'story teller'
... among them --
The difference in embracing vulnerability is that one accepts it, doesn't seek to cover or hide it.shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?
The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.
It's funny how many ways honesty being the highest form of love (NDWalsch), and love being the equilibrium of gratitude and generosity (for self and others) - (DMRuiz) and if you are making enemy, obstacle, means to an end of a thing, person or situations (even if it is your self), you are creating suffering for self and others (ET) can be evidenced as absolutely true, universally true and yet excused - separated in our perspectives and perceptions as we try to hold on to some false notion of perfection as if it does not fully include and embrace imperfection.What do these people have in common?
What they had in common was a sense of courage.
And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart -- and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.
And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.
They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly.
And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.
The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.
They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.
And how it rocks the boats of those who realise it -
---- the when 'controlling' and 'predicting' is known for its own imperfections .... yumI personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown -
Interesting that her therapist called her breakdown a breakthrough
I would love to hear perspectives on the things she raises - especially those things that might be at odds with where folks are standing under now.
Yep, but that's okay too.And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit." (Laughter) "I just need some strategies." (Laughter) (Applause) Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad." (Laughter) "It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on ... anguage=en