Finding a partner

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Andyzen
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:54 pm

Finding a partner

Post by Andyzen » Mon Dec 29, 2014 2:22 pm

Has anyone got any insights into my situation? I'd be grateful if so.

I've been single just over 2 years now. It was the break up of my last relationship which sent me towards the spiritual path. It's changed me in what I would like to think is a good way. But I can't help but think something is missing in my life. I'm ready to find someone and start a family. However, I'm trying to balance that with living in the moment and being content with my life situation at the moment. I don't meet people as easily as I used to as I don't find going to nightclubs etc. as enjoyable as I used to. Either due getting old ha ha or being more spiritual. I must say that being alone gets me down sometimes but I don't think that is the way to be.

Has anyone any thoughts?

Phil2
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Phil2 » Mon Dec 29, 2014 8:37 pm

Andyzen wrote: But I can't help but think something is missing in my life.
Just drop this useless thought ... and be happy now ...

As mooji said "You need nothing to be happy, but you need something to be sad "

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04XAG_KsHvg
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

Andyzen
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:54 pm

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Andyzen » Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:56 pm

Thank you for that

lmp
Posts: 194
Joined: Tue May 29, 2012 7:23 pm

Re: Finding a partner

Post by lmp » Tue Dec 30, 2014 12:04 am

http://www.spiritualsingles.com/index.php

Not much of a reply, but that was what came to my mind.

kafi
Posts: 85
Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 10:24 am

Re: Finding a partner

Post by kafi » Tue Dec 30, 2014 10:25 pm

A story comes to my mind which I read a while ago. It must have been in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series.

A woman ends a relationship and is totally annoyed and hopeless.
In that state of desperation, she screams at God, "If you ever want me to get married again, you have to send me a guy and put him right here at the entry of my house."

Some months later, a guy from her community shows up at her door. He is wearing a T-shirt which says on it
"God listens"

They got married later.

..............

Be at inner peace.
Desire a relationship.
Trust.

I wish you all the best.

Enlightened2B
Posts: 1906
Joined: Wed May 15, 2013 10:51 pm
Location: New York

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Enlightened2B » Tue Dec 30, 2014 10:29 pm

lmp wrote:http://www.spiritualsingles.com/index.php

Not much of a reply, but that was what came to my mind.
I'm going to second this one. This is the site I met my girlfriend on and I've encountered an incredible amount of open minded women on here. I've been recommending the site to countless people. I say give it a shot.

Phil2
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Phil2 » Tue Dec 30, 2014 11:02 pm

Enlightened2B wrote:
lmp wrote:http://www.spiritualsingles.com/index.php

Not much of a reply, but that was what came to my mind.
I'm going to second this one. This is the site I met my girlfriend on and I've encountered an incredible amount of open minded women on here. I've been recommending the site to countless people. I say give it a shot.
The trap is in the very idea that you NEED a partner to complete you ... and this idea is reinforced by the fact that you will look for a partner in order to satisfy this 'need' ... now whether you look in a real place or a virtual place for like-minds does not change the nature of the trap ...

There is no freedom in this endless (and almost hysterical) quest ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

Enlightened2B
Posts: 1906
Joined: Wed May 15, 2013 10:51 pm
Location: New York

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Enlightened2B » Tue Dec 30, 2014 11:19 pm

Phil2 wrote:
Enlightened2B wrote:
lmp wrote:http://www.spiritualsingles.com/index.php

Not much of a reply, but that was what came to my mind.
I'm going to second this one. This is the site I met my girlfriend on and I've encountered an incredible amount of open minded women on here. I've been recommending the site to countless people. I say give it a shot.
The trap is in the very idea that you NEED a partner to complete you ... and this idea is reinforced by the fact that you will look for a partner in order to satisfy this 'need' ... now whether you look in a real place or a virtual place for like-minds does not change the nature of the trap ...

There is no freedom in this endless (and almost hysterical) quest ...
Hmm...Now, can you find the part of my post where I said I NEED a partner Phil?

Was that really implied in my post just because I do online dating or any kind of dating?

It sounds to me like you're implicating that anyone who does any form of dating is NEEDY.

Isn't that just a belief though? I'd say so.

Andyzen
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:54 pm

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Andyzen » Wed Dec 31, 2014 1:05 am

This is kind of what confuses me really. How do you reconcile finding a partner but also being happy in the now?

kafi
Posts: 85
Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 10:24 am

Re: Finding a partner

Post by kafi » Wed Dec 31, 2014 1:29 am

This is no paradox.
I find inner peace, the unconditional sort of inner peace, when I do the 180 degree inward looking meditation, as described on John Sherman's website. This is the connection to our real being. This is the hugging of the prodigal son by the Father.
Great peace and quiet joy.

On top of that peace and joy, a desire can arise. For french fries or for a relationship.

Then, this desire is NOT of the type 'I insist that I need this desire fulfilled in order to be happy.'
And in this state, manifestation usually happens fast.

I found that the key ingredients for fast manifestation are for me as follows,
Inner peace
And the Copernican shift in world view, i.e. that we are consciousness and that we are all connected via consciousness.

Enlightened2B
Posts: 1906
Joined: Wed May 15, 2013 10:51 pm
Location: New York

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Enlightened2B » Wed Dec 31, 2014 1:30 am

Andy,

Here's my advice to you. Along the lines of what Phil wrote above, you can't go into a relationship feeling that a partner will complete you. Relying on another or anything for your happiness is only going to lead to suffering.

Understanding that you, yourself are responsible for your own happiness can be quite an enlightening realization. I'd say do some experiential work within yourself and find out who you are at the core of your Being.

Then, find out why you want to be in a relationship? Is it as an opportunity for evolving Love? Or is it merely because you feel you need another to complete you? Only you can know this.

With that said and what Phil failed to expand upon, is that dating can be wonderful and enlightening which it has been for me. Finding a partner to share experience with can be an incredibly insightful and loving thing as long as you see your partner as a co-equal. The opportunity to be Love for another that is quite different than you, is one of the most enlightening things I've experienced in my life thus far. I've found from my own relationship, that this has been an evolutionary experience for me and I've grown more and more since I've started dating my current girlfriend. It's allowed me to see so many aspects of myself that I've previously kept in the dark, largely.....FEAR.

So, I would say to go out and do things with your life that you enjoy. What do you enjoy? Find that out for yourself. You tend to meet more like minded people while doing activities that you enjoy.

For me, health and wellness are a big part of my life. Therefore, I joined the spiritual dating site above as a chance to meet like minded women and there are a ton of open minded women on that website. Understandably, you don't want to meet a mirror image of yourself, but I think it's important to have some sort of common ground in relationships.

But, if you find that you're not meeting anyone of interest, don't beat yourself up for it. But try to expand your dating pool. Online dating is an incredible resource. I can't recommend it enough.

To add: Read Kafi's post above. Some great stuff there which I very much agree with as well.

lmp
Posts: 194
Joined: Tue May 29, 2012 7:23 pm

Re: Finding a partner

Post by lmp » Wed Dec 31, 2014 1:35 am

Andyzen wrote:This is kind of what confuses me really. How do you reconcile finding a partner but also being happy in the now?
Desire does have two different outcomes or extensions, one is joy in the moment and the other is despair for the future. Is it that you don't enjoy finding a partner, but rather want one to be found already? How has finding a partner turned into a disturbing thing for you, if I may ask.

Andyzen
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:54 pm

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Andyzen » Wed Dec 31, 2014 4:34 am

Enlightened2B wrote:Andy,

Here's my advice to you. Along the lines of what Phil wrote above, you can't go into a relationship feeling that a partner will complete you. Relying on another or anything for your happiness is only going to lead to suffering.

Understanding that you, yourself are responsible for your own happiness can be quite an enlightening realization. I'd say do some experiential work within yourself and find out who you are at the core of your Being.

Then, find out why you want to be in a relationship? Is it as an opportunity for evolving Love? Or is it merely because you feel you need another to complete you? Only you can know this.

With that said and what Phil failed to expand upon, is that dating can be wonderful and enlightening which it has been for me. Finding a partner to share experience with can be an incredibly insightful and loving thing as long as you see your partner as a co-equal. The opportunity to be Love for another that is quite different than you, is one of the most enlightening things I've experienced in my life thus far. I've found from my own relationship, that this has been an evolutionary experience for me and I've grown more and more since I've started dating my current girlfriend. It's allowed me to see so many aspects of myself that I've previously kept in the dark, largely.....FEAR.

So, I would say to go out and do things with your life that you enjoy. What do you enjoy? Find that out for yourself. You tend to meet more like minded people while doing activities that you enjoy.

For me, health and wellness are a big part of my life. Therefore, I joined the spiritual dating site above as a chance to meet like minded women and there are a ton of open minded women on that website. Understandably, you don't want to meet a mirror image of yourself, but I think it's important to have some sort of common ground in relationships.

But, if you find that you're not meeting anyone of interest, don't beat yourself up for it. But try to expand your dating pool. Online dating is an incredible resource. I can't recommend it enough.

To add: Read Kafi's post above. Some great stuff there which I very much agree with as well.
Thank you. That's very helpful

Andyzen
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:54 pm

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Andyzen » Wed Dec 31, 2014 4:38 am

lmp wrote:
Andyzen wrote:This is kind of what confuses me really. How do you reconcile finding a partner but also being happy in the now?
Desire does have two different outcomes or extensions, one is joy in the moment and the other is despair for the future. Is it that you don't enjoy finding a partner, but rather want one to be found already? How has finding a partner turned into a disturbing thing for you, if I may ask.
I think when I really think about it, I'm a little in fear that I'm getting too old to start a family. I think maybe I'm spending too much time looking at what others do.
There are very few people I meet that I am interested in really.

Phil2
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Finding a partner

Post by Phil2 » Wed Dec 31, 2014 10:44 am

Andyzen wrote:This is kind of what confuses me really. How do you reconcile finding a partner but also being happy in the now?
You can't ... if you want to be happy in the now, do not create time ... and the need to find a partner is creating time ie. a distance between 'what is' (now) and what 'should be' (future, time) ... a 'projection' ... an 'expectation' ... a 'becoming' ...

Just stay quiet ... here and now ... and be happy ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)

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