Not doing good today

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blissrunn14
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Not doing good today

Post by blissrunn14 » Thu Feb 12, 2015 8:23 pm

I'm Unbearably lonely I've never been married. No one has ever liked me enough to want to marry me. I Feel like a failure I feel abnormal cause everyone gets married and I mostly I feel lonely. All I want is a husband and family. At 40 it's probably too late. What is wrong with me? Why wasn't able to be normal and have a normal life? I Used to think I was too ugly to love but everyone marries and has family no matter what they look like. This makes me not want to live. I Wish I had normal problems.
Last edited by blissrunn14 on Sat Feb 14, 2015 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

blissrunn14
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Location: Cali

Re: Not doing good today

Post by blissrunn14 » Thu Feb 12, 2015 9:39 pm

I Only posted this because people seem less judgemental on here.

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Clouded
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Re: Not doing good today

Post by Clouded » Thu Feb 12, 2015 9:59 pm

I think that most single people have the same problem as you (especially around Valentine's day, when that holiday is used like a reminder to some single people that they have ''no one to love them'', ergo they believe that they must be worth less than those who are in a relationship.) It's like when you were in elementary school and all of your classmates had the coolest toy except for you, you felt sad, left out and less-than; same feelings, different story. You don't need to be in a relationship in order to not feel lonely; you can connect with friends, family or animals, even strangers. Plus ''lonely'' is just a thought, it's just a story your mind has made up in the moment, I mean, do you feel lonely 100% of the time? Plus romantic love is overrated, just because someone is married doesn't mean that they're any happier than you, that they have less problems than you; sometimes marriage creates even MORE problems. There's so much societal pressure to be in a relationship or be married and with children before you reach a certain age otherwise it's seen as ''out of the norm'' and that is viewed as a bad thing, sheep (ugh, I mean people) are conditioned to spot red flags when there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Plus no one is too ugly for love. There are so many other things to live for and to experience. Marriage and starting a family is not the ultimate goal in life. Just make the most with what you got.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak

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DavidB
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Re: Not doing good today

Post by DavidB » Fri Feb 13, 2015 10:35 am

Hi Bliss,

Have you ever considered that maybe you are way too sensitive? I'm not meaning to being critical, I only ask because I am also hypersensitive.

I found that my hypersensitivity caused me a great deal of grief in relationships and also trying to fit into a world that didn't appear to give a shit about me. I was for a long while, totally unaware of my hypersensitive nature. I always felt things deeply and especially personally.

I think it might be worthwhile for you to investigate this for yourself?

I have a theory, that the more spiritual amongst us, all tend to be somewhat hypersensitive to all manner of invisible energies to varying degrees.

Never ever feel like you are alone bliss, what you feel is what all of us feel to varying degrees, we are all one. You ARE already perfectly divine and loved just as you are.

Also, loneliness is an aspect of the human condition. There will never be a time when you do not feel somewhat alone to some degree, this is just an aspect of being a human entity. It is totally not personal, it has nothing whatsoever to do with you at all. We are individuals in an immense, spacious universe, which also sometimes appears to be hostile. There is a natural tendency to become aware of our present and real vulnerability in this situation. This vulnerability can often be felt as loneliness. Don't take it personally though, which is a tendency if you are hypersensitive. In reality though, you are never, ever alone, you are the reason the universe was created. You are the divine light of consciousness, beloved always, perfectly divine.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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DavidB
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Re: Not doing good today

Post by DavidB » Fri Feb 13, 2015 11:22 am

These comments were from my partner Peggy. She felt moved to comment and I thought I'd like to post it here for you to see.
I'm Unbearably lonely I've never been married.
Lonliness can feel unbearable, but you are surviving it. Yes, we are meant to be partnered that's how we've been created, but in reality, a great portion don't get to partner up, but survive to live very meaningful lives. Don't forget, everyone was single before they found a mate; and it is never too late, and you are never too old.
No one has ever liked me enough to want to marry me.
This is very common, more common than you think. This isn't about how likeable you are, or how lovable, its more about catching a mate when he's ready to partner, more about him, than you.
I Feel like a failure I feel abnormal cause everyone gets married and I mostly I feel lonely.
Not everyone gets married.
I've been drunk for two days straight and screwing strangers because I need some type of companionship.
One relationship you have forgotten to care for is the one you are in with yourself. Self care and self protection are the two most important things when one is in a relationship.
All I want is a husband and family.
This is perfectly normal to want this. I suggest prayer/meditation to ask for this, and less what you've been doing above.
At 40 it's probably too late.
Never too late.
What is wrong with me?
Nothing.
Why wasn't I able to be normal and have a normal life?
Your assumptions are that everyone gets married, its not true. The other assumption is that those who aren't married "aren't normal"; that's not true either.
I Used to think I was too ugly to love but everyone marries and has family no matter what they look like. This makes me not want to live.
Love is less about physical beautiful and more about connection to personality, shared beliefs, common interests and mutual care between two people. Its not about prettiness. Who told you are ugly?
I Wish I had normal problems.
Like? Divorce? Settlements?
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

blissrunn14
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Re: Not doing good today

Post by blissrunn14 » Fri Feb 13, 2015 7:18 pm

@clouded I do see to a degree my head makes my situation feel worse and when I am in a relationship it does come with it's own set of challenges that are sometimes even harder then feeling lonely. I just seem to forget about all of that when I feel like this.

@david I am very very sensitive and take everything personal. It's a big flaw, I've been trying to work on it.

I have a very deep longing to have a normal family unit and do fun family things and have a companion, I just can't shake it. And people making such a big deal of my never having been married cuts deep it's like they don't realize that maybe I have never had that choice or opportunity and that's not something I have control over. I don't have many friends partially because I am a single mother which makes socializing more difficult and the few I do have are usually with their partners and events are usually couple events where I'm usually the only or one of the few who is not coupled up. I know I need to be strong and make the best of my life as it is, I am having a hard time dealing with this and other life situations I have to bear. It seems that in areas of worldly comforts I don't have much luck i.e. social, marriage, finances no matter how hard I try to make things better it just doesn't seem to work out well. I am also too hard on myself.

Thank you so much for talking to me. I have never been exposed to a group of people who are so non judgmental and caring to a stranger. Thank you.

oak tree
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Re: Not doing good today

Post by oak tree » Fri Feb 13, 2015 8:37 pm

Hi blissrunn14

I sometimes feel lonely too and a deep longing for a partner / family. I dont think there is anything wrong with you because it hasnt happened for you or because you feel the way you do. Who knows what life will bring you in the future.

blissrunn14
Posts: 59
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Location: Cali

Re: Not doing good today

Post by blissrunn14 » Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:46 pm

You are right Oak, it's true that things could change for the better in the future. My mind tells me it'll be like this forever, but I also know my mind often lies.

blissrunn14
Posts: 59
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 3:30 am
Location: Cali

Re: Not doing good today

Post by blissrunn14 » Sat Feb 14, 2015 12:20 am

Something positive....

I got a good job offer today for a really nice opportunity in a creative environment working for bright successful entrepreneurs. I'll get to learn a lot they're open to teaching people they know want to learn and work hard and I'll get to watch them grow a new company from the ground up. I love entrepreneurship, I've tried before but wasn't able to lift off the ground before running out of money. Now I'll get to see someone who has done it many times do it from nearly start to finish. I'm so thankful and very nervous. I'm smart, but my social skills could use some improvement because I'm so insecure. I'll also be working with famous bigwigs in the entertainment industry so I feel a little intimidated. Based on past experience these people can be a little harsh. I'll just be myself and do the best I can. I really want to meet this challenge head on and do well :-).

Because I need a job so badly I have no choice, but to take this job. Usually, this is the type of job I'd avoid because I have to put myself out there so to speak, it's not the safe type of job where I can hide at my desk with my face in a computer all day. I hope this opportunity makes me stronger. I just want to live life and experience joy, I'm tired of being scared, running from challenge and feeling depressed.

My dad says that's why more men don't ask me out, he says I hide myself and give off an air that I don't want to be seen or talked to. I don't want to be that way, but I'm so afraid of rejection or getting my feelings hurt, I do hide.

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