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So, it's happened again..

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 10:44 am
by alex
Recently I had an old and very intense fear pop up. Sleep anxiety. It probably sounds funny to some people but it basically goes like this - don't sleep all night, resist it, fear it happening again, the fear ensures it does happen again and so on and so forth. A slippery slope and, for some reason, one that I am very prone to! Anyway, as much as it stumped me that this could still occur with all of my 'spirituality and awareness' I found myself in the grips of true blue panic attacks once again - fearing that I was actually going crazy. It seems, though, that all of my 'spirituality and awareness' may actually be paying off - as I truly surrendered to this mind boggling anxiety. In my kitchen, before taking my son to a pool party I just said yes. The truest yes I've ever said. Yes to anxiety, yes to insanity, yes to the biggest fear I've ever held. Awareness broke through. It's still here now, weeks later - just this vitality and aliveness. Awakeness is here, it's of me and it's everything else too. Everything that is beheld in this awake presence is so clear and beautiful. God truly is the car on the road in front of me, my cup, this hand, these hands. Last night I went fishing, it was so funny because I was fishing for myself!!
It doesn't feel very amazing, just quite simple and quiet like the times before. I see that inquiry is still needed. Velcro thought come and hook me, I enquire, I see the untruth and they drop - back to still aliveness.
Why am I writing this? I'm actually procrastinating from a uni assignment. Talking about truth is so much funner!

Re: So, it's happened again..

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:58 am
by Onceler
Beautiful post, Alex. I too had an unusually anxious night last night. I concluded these are bits and chunks of anxiety and left over conditioning that work their way through sleep. Sleep, or not sleep, seems to be a good channel to overturn these fears and bring them to the surface. Not sure I had a transcendent experience like you had, but they do dissipate in the light of day.

Re: So, it's happened again..

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 5:04 pm
by karmarider
Yeah, me too. I've had anxiety pop up in the last few months, and it has surprised me. Like Onceler, I've decided these are left-over conditioned energies, and I can easily release them, though they do feel very real in the midst of it.

It tells me also that there is further to go.

Re: So, it's happened again..

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 8:02 pm
by Webwanderer
Hmm. Must be something in the air. Two out of the last three nights I too found a curious nonspecific fear/anxiety arise. If felt like something old out of my deep past. Like Alex, I simply decided it was okay to be fearful and it became no big deal. The fear still hung around for awhile but the context changed significantly from resistance to acceptance, and it eventually faded away. It's good to have effective tools to work with.

WW

Re: So, it's happened again..

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 10:13 am
by alex
Yes, I'm thinking that residual fears that haven't been accepted and released in the past will eventually make their way forth. Nice to know I'm not alone on this journey. :0)

Re: So, it's happened again..

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 11:45 am
by Onceler
Full moon. A Swiss sleep study that was looking for other things, and which monitored individuals over several months, found that people sleep more fitfully during a full moon.

Re: So, it's happened again..

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:43 pm
by Enlightened2B
Just saw this post. I'm going through the same thing now currently. I've had sleep anxiety issues for about 15 years now on and off at various points. Whether it's a noise that I fear will not go away at night and continue to keep me up, or a light or simply the thought that 'what if I don't sleep again'. So, I know exactly what you were going through Alex. Thanks for sharing your story. I'm going to use your post as a pointer for myself in helping me get through this as well for now, and in the future when this arises.