Did you not realize this would happen?

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Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby DavidB » Thu Jun 18, 2015 8:18 am

A question in relation to being upset or otherwise disappointed with what happens is what happens. Life experience ought to tell us that often things don't work out, that sometimes things go wrong or don't work out as might be expected. We ought to appreciate that this is fundamental to our experience. This happens a lot when we do projects and works. So why do we get so upset when this happens? Why do we not expect things to go wrong, why do we get upset when things do not work out as we would like them to, when our life experience tells us continually, that things frequently don't work out as expected or desired.

An interesting point to consider, is that what ever happens happened exactly and precisely as it was supposed to happen. For example, if I reach out to grab a glass of water and my hand misses, knocking the glass of water on the floor, the glass breaks and the water spills. The glass sat on the table as expected, my hand moved exactly as it was supposed to given the circumstances, the glass was knocked, the glass fell, the glass broke and the water spilled. Everything happened as it ought to. Where's the problem?

The problem seems to be when our perceived expectation doesn't align with reality. We might blame emotion for this misalignment.

So why does emotion distort alignment with present reality?

Also, how does one 'love what is', while being genuine to expressed emotion?
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby Baba Bozo » Thu Jun 18, 2015 11:03 am

DavidB wrote:Also, how does one 'love what is', while being genuine to expressed emotion?


Great question.

By loving the expressed emotion.

Are we pissed off that there is now broken glass all over the floor? Ok, be genuinely pissed off, allow the melodrama to be too. It's probably not going to work to try to be genuinely happy while stomping down on being genuinely angry. If we want to experience the happiness fully, we'll probably need to give the anger some elbow room, a place to express itself.

All things in moderation when possible. If we're mad for ten minutes while we clean up the glass, ok, not a problem which needs to be solved. If we're mad all the time about everything, then some management is called for.

A bit of warning perhaps....

Being obsessed with our psychological situation may not be healthy for our psychological situation.

As example, consider the person who is obsessed about their weight. Ok, many of us have to keep an eye on our weight and manage it. That's one thing, practical, sensible, useful. But it's not healthy to be thinking about our weight all the time.

The thing is, most of us are here because we were spending way too much time thinking about ourselves and that got us in to trouble. And so we reached for a Tolle book. And Tolle encourages us to think about ourselves even more, the very thing that was causing the problem we are trying to solve.

The glass broke.

We got angry.

So what?

Who cares?

A billion people on this planet live on the edge of starvation. If we need something to worry about, that will do just fine.
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby lmp » Thu Jun 18, 2015 3:19 pm

Well, I imagined for a second all the events in the world that don't work out satisfactory for 7 billion people. There's a lot of frustration going on and it is part of how we relate to each other. Planning carefully or depending on a certain orderliness can be dangerous, eh.
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby lmp » Thu Jun 18, 2015 3:56 pm

DavidB wrote:

So why does emotion distort alignment with present reality?

Also, how does one 'love what is', while being genuine to expressed emotion?


I'd say the question is much deeper than it might seem at first (to me, perhaps not to you). At first it is not clear perhaps why a certain feeling is there or what it is saying and if I am too quick in giving it a name I might get stuck with solving the labelling of it conceptually. Lets say I have an uncomfortable feeling and I call it 'I am wasting my time' , but if I look at this feeling it might actually have been built up from the sense of everybody living in separation and I don't know how to relate to others that way and so I'm experiencing isolation, which of course hurts. To love what is one must live differently, in accordance to what one has understood, for instance that we are not all best off as separate individuals striving for our own particular wellbeing.

In the example with the glass its a little bit simpler, I might be stressed, or liked that glass, or it spilled water on something else I need etc. It might stir a little bit of self critique, how clumsy I am or whatever is. If emotion distorts it, it was not just an event of a glass falling over, but something that happened to Me also.
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby Enlightened2B » Thu Jun 18, 2015 5:41 pm

A number of factors.....conditioning from this life time, past life conditioning which gets carried over to work out in this lifetime, all play into our current reactions/responses.

That aside, of course, the choice of how we respond is always ours in the moment and it will play out depending on those factors above, as Eckhart Tolle says...'your level of awareness'.

For me, I've gotten more and more present with dealing with certain situations. A broken glass will no longer cause me to suffer and even if it momentarily does, I will stand apart from the conditioning and allow the suffering to be, in seeing that all arisings are allowed to be as they are in unconditional love.

On the other hand, there are stronger emotions which I still can't be present with.

Ultimately, I've also realized that standing apart from a situation as 'space' is only an aspect of 'connecting with our true/higher self' and only part of the picture. Meaning, Tolle's teachings are only 'part of the picture'. You can't permanently live there if you're engaging in life. I also understand why Buddhist Monks choose celibate, non-engaging lives, because it's easier to trascend much of the human desires and experience and it's likely a much higher connection with our true Self. But, that lifestyle is not for everyone. You can't live a human life constantly apart from experience, especially if you're engaged in life/relationships/etc. Meaning, you're going to get emotionally involved with life! It's simply a matter of taking those mindful moments of stepping back here and there and checking in with yourself, to see where you're at. Constantly worrying about being present, can often prevent us from actually being present and living.

I've pondered lately doing a Vipassana retreat. Maybe I would gain more insight. Maybe not.

Desire is a human component that is essential to our human experience. Taking away desire, is taking away our free will aspect of human experience.

We will have all of eternity to live desire-less. Why not enjoy your desires right now without 'attaching't to them?
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby Baba Bozo » Thu Jun 18, 2015 5:59 pm

Enlightened2B wrote: You can't live a human life constantly apart from experience, especially if you're engaged in life/relationships/etc. Meaning, you're going to get emotionally involved with life! It's simply a matter of taking those mindful moments of stepping back here and there and checking in with yourself, to see where you're at. Constantly worrying about being present, can often prevent us from actually being present and living.


Ooh, I like this post, well done.

There's a very simple phrase which might contribute to a healthy relationship with the topics Tolle and others address.

Apply as needed.

If we're hungry, physical or psychic, eat.

Otherwise, get on with life.
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby Webwanderer » Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:40 pm

DavidB wrote:So why does emotion distort alignment with present reality?

I suggest that (negative) emotion does not cause misalignment, rather our emotions are an expression of misalignment. Misalignment is caused by the nature of meanings we apply to life's conditions and the quality of beliefs that we hold and perceive events through.

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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby CaiHong » Sat Jun 20, 2015 1:34 am

David I know the example of the glass is not literal but last week I broke a glass, that I really liked, I was attached to the glass. My initial response was anger and then I mangaged to make space around the anger to just observe my emotions and thoughts. I was so surprised by the amount of emotion but the anger dissipated more quickly than usual. I thought about attachment to things and although I am not an overtly material person, I still attach to things, as I am writing this I am drinking coffee from a beautiful very large white porcelain mug with engravings of gold cranes that I have had for 6 years.

A fleeting thought of smashing the mug went through my mind. Attachment is a state of mind and apparently emotion.

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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby rachMiel » Sat Jun 20, 2015 2:34 am

CaiHong wrote:My initial response was anger and then I mangaged to make space around the anger to just observe my emotions and thoughts. I was so surprised by the amount of emotion but the anger dissipated more quickly than usual.

I've been processing anger in a similar way, thanks largely to the guidance of a therapist I've been seeing.

1. I recognize anger when it arises more than I used to. (I used to often deny it, how could a nice cultured man experience such a base emotion as anger?)

2. Rather than dismissing the anger or exiling it to the unconscious, I allow myself to feel it, without judgment. (This is sometimes very hard!) And, as you described, I'm often surprised by its intensity ... it's as if The Beast sprang forth, fangs and claws bared, ready to exact swift and terrible revenge on the cause(r) of the anger!

Then I do something my therapist believes is key to successful anger management:

3. I act on the anger, internally, by *imagining* doing what The Beast wants to do. No holds barred, nice man on temporary leave of absence. It's only after this step that the body-mind truly relaxes and lets go of the anger.

I think you kind of did this last step when you imagined smashing your mug: You acted (in imagination) on your anger.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby dijmart » Sat Jun 20, 2015 3:55 am

DavidB wrote:Also, how does one 'love what is', while being genuine to expressed emotion?


I don't think one has to "love" what is...accept what is, yes...eventually. If that means anger arises first, so be it. It's a mind/emotion state that comes and goes. It is witnessed, as coming and going. It's not a problem as long as you don't hold on to that state. Deep breathing and saying "let it go" helps.

Why do we angry to begin with? expectation vs. reality...that's why.
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby dijmart » Sat Jun 20, 2015 4:07 am

rachMiel wrote:I've been processing anger in a similar way, thanks largely to the guidance of a therapist I've been seeing.

1. I recognize anger when it arises more than I used to. (I used to often deny it, how could a nice cultured man experience such a base emotion as anger?)

2. Rather than dismissing the anger or exiling it to the unconscious, I allow myself to feel it, without judgment. (This is sometimes very hard!) And, as you described, I'm often surprised by its intensity ... it's as if The Beast sprang forth, fangs and claws bared, ready to exact swift and terrible revenge on the cause(r) of the anger!

Then I do something my therapist believes is key to successful anger management:

3. I act on the anger, internally, by *imagining* doing what The Beast wants to do. No holds barred, nice man on temporary leave of absence. It's only after this step that the body-mind truly relaxes and lets go of the anger.

I think you kind of did this last step when you imagined smashing your mug: You acted (in imagination) on your anger.


Rach, thanks for sharing! Yes, recognize the anger, don't suppress, let it arise, if it arises. It comes and goes. Nothing to be afraid of really. Whose seeing it coming and going?...
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby Enlightened2B » Sat Jun 20, 2015 5:17 am

rachMiel wrote:I've been processing anger in a similar way, thanks largely to the guidance of a therapist I've been seeing.


Nice man. I'm seeing someone also as I mentioned previously. Hope it's going well for you. Sounds like you've got some good techniques already!
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby aquarius123esoteric » Sat Jun 20, 2015 9:37 pm

I believe that everything happens does so for a purpose. This applies in particular when things do not go the way we would like them to do. My life’s experiences have taught me that when they sometimes seemingly go wrong in our lives, it is always us who are out of step with the Universe and not the other way round. It is then more than likely that the energies that it is currently putting at our disposal wish to tell a different story and are trying to steer us into a different direction. If one seems to run into one invisible wall after another, when obstacle after obstacle rears its head, it is a safe bet that the Universe is attempting to give us a message that somehow we are barking up the wrong tree; and it may well be the case that it has something much better up its sleeve for us, if we but pay attention.

The world around us is a mirror of what is taking place inside us. Through its actions and reactions its reflections are constantly trying to provide us with some kind of feedback. This is known as Universal guidance and we do well to pay attention to what the Universe has to say. And whenever things in our lives are not going the way we would want them to, almost certainly this is a signal from the Highest that the time has come for taking stock and making some changes. To re-align our energies with those of the Universe, we need to find ways of getting back into harmony with ourselves by reflecting on what special lessons we may have agreed to learn in the course of our present lifetime before we came into it.

Whenever any change of direction is required, we do not have to do anything of the kind, because we have been given freedom of choice. However, wise ones pay attention to whatever guidance comes their way and when next time something seemingly goes wrong in their lives, they try their hand at something else and look towards channelling their energies into different avenues of expression. The Universe constantly offers us choices and no-one can force us into doing anything we do not like or to believe things that do not sound true to us. There is always a choice and it has to be made – by us. But, before anyone can choose wisely, one first has to realise that we are allowed to choose. Try not to overlook that not choosing also amounts to a choice.

Humankind’s much cherished freedom is comparable to a dog going for a walk on a lead. We are the dog and our Karma is the lead which our Highest or God Self holds in its loving yet stern, undeviating and unrelenting hands. It alone knows our true needs and whatever is the right thing for us in any given moment. It constantly guides us into our next adventures on the Earth plane. For each one of us it is the only one who knows which lessons still have to be integrated and which experiences gone through, until we all eventually find our way home into our true nature.

If during our meditations and healing journeys, an inner urge of an evil nature surfaces into our conscious awareness, we are free to decide whether we follow it and act this desire out in our environment. The more highly evolved we become, the more likely it is that we wish to merely acknowledge and accept that it belongs to a part of our lower animal nature, which by now has outlived its usefulness. Realising this, wise ones reach for the hand of their Highest Self and request its help to change and transmute the no longer wanted energies into something that serves the highest good and the greatest joy of all life.

You can save yourself many disappointments by bearing in mind that doors will only ever open for anyone when they are meant to. And when one of them does, the experience can be like something one usually sees only in funny films. Having so got used to pushing and shoving uselessly at far too many doors, there may well come the moment, when – metaphorically speaking – we have found the right one. It then flies open so suddenly that it feels as if one was almost shooting out through the window, at the other end of the room. Why not try it out for yourself, sometime?

True trust and faith in ourselves, our life and the Universe can only grow in anyone through first hand experiences, like the one that is now before us. To enable us to learn to trust, when we try one door and it will not open for us, no matter how hard we try, when things seem to be going wrong, as they sometimes will, it is worth our while to reflect and have a bit of a dialogue with ourselves; something like this: ‘Let me see, this door is obviously not meant for me, maybe the Universe has something else for me in mind. So, I’ll be patient and wait for another opening, for come it will. Are things really going wrong in my life or is the Universe trying to give me a message that I need a change of direction?

‘Could this be happening for my own good and because the Universe loves me and knows my true wants and needs better than I do? Could it be protecting me against myself, because it wants me to find what is rightfully mine? Is it possible that something better is in store for me, something I might not have imagined even in my wildest dreams? Perhaps it would be better if I waited patiently for a while; maybe another chance will then come my way. Now, isn’t that better than despairing or even swearing at the Universe because it does not seem to wish to fulfil my wishes? Because I am your child, Universe, let me try the loving way instead. Alright, here I go! I love you and trust you, as you love and trust me. After all, that makes an awful lot of sense, you know!’

And when funds are low and debts are high, I need to ask myself: ‘Why am I not taking part in the Universe’s abundance? Is it because I am not sharing my own abundance with it, my gifts and talents, of which we all have many, with those around me? How can I increase my input into life, so that I can get more out of it? Do I need to be less selfish and think more about the good of the whole of society, life, the planet and the Universe? Why don’t I try and see what happens?’

With love – Aquarius

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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby Enlightened2B » Sat Jun 20, 2015 10:06 pm

aquarius123esoteric wrote:I believe that everything happens does so for a purpose. This applies in particular when things do not go the way we would like them to do. My life’s experiences have taught me that when they sometimes seemingly go wrong in our lives, it is always us who are out of step with the Universe and not the other way round. It is then more than likely that the energies that it is currently putting at our disposal wish to tell a different story and are trying to steer us into a different direction. If one seems to run into one invisible wall after another, when obstacle after obstacle rears its head, it is a safe bet that the Universe is attempting to give us a message that somehow we are barking up the wrong tree; and it may well be the case that it has something much better up its sleeve for us, if we but pay attention.


Yay for taking WW's advice and diving on in! Glad to see you posting here and hopefully, you'll continue to re-late in the meat of these threads.

This part of above has most certainly been my experience as well. It's not so much 'the universe'. I don't like that term because it implies a sense of duality. Ultimately, I'd more inclined to say the blue print (plan) we come into this life with, is being urged to us by our higher selves, spirit guides, soul group, etc. But, free choice is always there to deviate. Yet, the ramifications of this deviation are felt greatly as has been the case in my own experience. Going against the grain does not feel good :).

Whenever any change of direction is required, we do not have to do anything of the kind, because we have been given freedom of choice. However, wise ones pay attention to whatever guidance comes their way and when next time something seemingly goes wrong in their lives, they try their hand at something else and look towards channelling their energies into different avenues of expression. The Universe constantly offers us choices and no-one can force us into doing anything we do not like or to believe things that do not sound true to us. There is always a choice and it has to be made – by us. But, before anyone can choose wisely, one first has to realise that we are allowed to choose. Try not to overlook that not choosing also amounts to a choice.


Great point in bold above.

Humankind’s much cherished freedom is comparable to a dog going for a walk on a lead. We are the dog and our Karma is the lead which our Highest or God Self holds in its loving yet stern, undeviating and unrelenting hands. It alone knows our true needs and whatever is the right thing for us in any given moment. It constantly guides us into our next adventures on the Earth plane. For each one of us it is the only one who knows which lessons still have to be integrated and which experiences gone through, until we all eventually find our way home into our true nature.


Guiding yes, but I don't like the analogy of a dog on a leash. God is not separate from you. Consider that you are God split off into a 'perceived' aspect of itself who made an agreement to come here and experience something for the purpose of healing and Self evolution of Consciousness.

True trust and faith in ourselves, our life and the Universe can only grow in anyone through first hand experiences, like the one that is now before us. To enable us to learn to trust, when we try one door and it will not open for us, no matter how hard we try, when things seem to be going wrong, as they sometimes will, it is worth our while to reflect and have a bit of a dialogue with ourselves; something like this: ‘Let me see, this door is obviously not meant for me, maybe the Universe has something else for me in mind. So, I’ll be patient and wait for another opening, for come it will. Are things really going wrong in my life or is the Universe trying to give me a message that I need a change of direction?


The universe again, is not separate from you. You are the universe experiencing itself as a person. I AM that I AM. Instead of the universe wanting something from you, what resonates more with me, is my higher selves, soul groups are guiding me on the path most aligned with the contract I signed to come here. Once awakening happens, free will is inevitable without the ramifications of 'going against the grain'. Just how I see it.

I still want to read more about your own experiences. Otherwise, it sounds like you're just preaching more dogma that many others have come on here and done as well, without sharing their own experiences. As some have said to you in the past in the other thread you post in, your posts sound like they are filled with fear as it's far easier to post a bunch of beliefs and quotes without vulnerably sharing what got you to this point. Just my own opinion.

How do your own experiences relate to this stuff you talk about? Why do you seem to see the Universe as something separate from yourself? Who are YOU?
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Re: Did you not realize this would happen?

Postby aquarius123esoteric » Mon Jun 22, 2015 6:38 pm

Dear EB - thank you for your feedback.

EB: This part of above has most certainly been my experience as well. It's not so much 'the universe'. I don't like that term because it implies a sense of duality. Ultimately, I'd more inclined to say the blue print (plan) we come into this life with, is being urged to us by our higher selves, spirit guides, soul group, etc. But, free choice is always there to deviate. Yet, the ramifications of this deviation are felt greatly as has been the case in my own experience. Going against the grain does not feel good .

A: I merely use this term to describe the higher and highest forces of life. As many people have problems with the word ‘God’, I sometimes call it Universe instead. ‘Call Me by any name and I’ll be there!’

I am well aware that on the inner level of life there is no separation between anything and that I AM the I AM, you and I, the same as everybody else. I too believe that there is a great plan of life – or as you prefer to call it, a blue print – in which we all have our place.

EB: Guiding yes, but I don't like the analogy of a dog on a leash. God is not separate from you. Consider that you are God split off into a 'perceived' aspect of itself who made an agreement to come here and experience something for the purpose of healing and Self evolution of Consciousness.

A: As far as freedom of choice is concerned, I believe that in broad outlines every life on the Earth plane has been mapped out most carefully, and that the only freedom we truly have is the ability to choose how we react to the situations life presents to us. Every new one brings fresh opportunities for learning something and growing.

I like the metaphor of us being like dogs on a leash, the leash being our Karma. To me, describing our position in this life in this manner does not imply that we are separate from anything or anyone.

EB: The universe again, is not separate from you. You are the universe experiencing itself as a person. I AM that I AM. Instead of the universe wanting something from you, what resonates more with me, is my higher selves, soul groups are guiding me on the path most aligned with the contract I signed to come here. Once awakening happens, free will is inevitable without the ramifications of 'going against the grain'. Just how I see it.

A: I agree, we ourselves are the Universe and the Universe is experiencing Itself through us and learning about itself with our help. And yes, the groups of guides are there to help and guide, and a the head of each one of these groups is one of the Master souls, and in charge of all of them is the hierarchy of the Angels. They are the power behind the throne of God and the executors of the great plan.

EB: I still want to read more about your own experiences. Otherwise, it sounds like you're just preaching more dogma that many others have come on here and done as well, without sharing their own experiences. As some have said to you in the past in the other thread you post in, your posts sound like they are filled with fear as it's far easier to post a bunch of beliefs and quotes without vulnerably sharing what got you to this point. Just my own opinion.

A: Ah yes, but I want never gets! Joke. If you have visited my ‘Food for Thought’ thread, you will have seen that I will have reached the ripe old age of seventy-eight in September. One of the most enjoyable aspects of this part of my life is that with my ever increasing understanding of the spiritual background of life, many issues that once seemed all-important with the passing of time have simply fallen by the wayside.

It’s interesting to reflect a bit on those that once threatened to burn me up and swallow me whole around age 29 1/2, the time of my first Saturn Return, 40 to 45 Uranus Opposition, and 59 Second Saturn Return. Having lived through the experiences the earlier parts of my life brought me, drawn the learning from them and having written about it, none of them are now of any consequence for me. This has set me free to make the most of what the experience of old age is bringing in rich measure. In my view that is the way it should be for all of us, although frequently it is not.

I cannot see any point in retrograding to the many experiences of my life, just to chat about them. I simply don't have the time to spend endless hours in this way because I have several projects in preparation. They not only demand my full attention, they deserve it. If I live long enough, I hope to get them ‘out there’. We shall see. Apart from that, rather than dwelling unnecessarily in the past, I prefer to be in the present and look forward to the future, which holds great and wonderful things in store for all of us, of that I am sure.

EB: How do your own experiences relate to this stuff you talk about?

A: All my writings ARE about the learning I have gained from living and working my way through my experiences.

EB: Why do you seem to see the Universe as something separate from yourself?

A: As mentioned earlier, I do NOT perceive the Universe in this way.

EB: Who are YOU?

A: Someone else recently asked me: ‘What – not who – are you?’ My reply was then, as it will always be: ‘I am a very ordinary person and a beloved child of the Universe, the same as the trees and the Stars, as well as you are and everybody else.’

With love – Aquarius

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