Is my emotional disconnection curable?

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Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby Freak » Fri Aug 07, 2015 11:39 pm

I only really understand my self-made emotions, my egoic emotions. And I am disconnected from other emotions. They only seem like bodily sensations to me and I remain completely calm in their presence. This causes obvious problems. First off, my self is completely empty of any purpose, conscience, meaning. And second of all, those innate emotions stay lodged and never go away. I have anxiety because of it. I try to cure this because I recognize that I am empty, and I want to live with purpose. And also to get rid of the annoying adrenalin rushes.

If I observe my body long and hard enough, will I connect to my emotions? And how much time would it take if I did that non-stop? Months? Years? Just to be normal, gain purpose, get rid of anxiety. My condition is severe. But I think I already made progress. I feel guilty or lonely when I'm sick or take acid. I have felt unexplained feelings of loving acceptance. I felt a desire for honest relationships. But I still have issues obviously. It's not a lack of the proper input that's the problem, but the disconnection. Has anyone ever connected to their emotions like this? I never read such a case.
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby ashley72 » Sat Aug 08, 2015 10:35 am

My advice is don't try and get rid of the fear output cycle "you labelled them as adrenaline rushes".

We judge everything as either good, bad or neutral. If I judge the output cycle of fear as something undesirable or to resist you will create a panic attack.

I used to suffer from panic attacks but don't get them anymore, because I don't avoid the adrenaline rush... But rather label that output signal as neutral or good.

I was recently put into a predicament which would have normally led to panic attack. But rather than avoid the rush... I actually exposed myself to that fear and tried to engage & stay present. Within about 15 mins I wasn't feeling the adrenaline rush anymore and was completely relaxed with the situation. Next time I encounter that same kind of situation I may not treat it as dangerous so won't even get an andrenaline rush.

Adrenaline is a fear response which prepares the body to fight or flight when it senses danger which isn't always rational. If we suffer from an anxiety disorder we have anxiety even when we shouldn't (irrational). It's completely treatable & I encourage you to get treatment for it.

I'm now at the stage where I'm looking for new ways to challenge my fears. You can be as well if you stop resisting your adrenaline rush & accept those feelings as neutral or good until they subside.
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby Freak » Sat Aug 08, 2015 12:55 pm

I don't feel that that's my issue. I never panic and in fact the adrenalin rush is quite neutral most of the time.

I practiced working on my emotions today. I watched music videos and put awareness in my body when I felt goosebumps, which made them go away. Then I felt rage because the videos weren't loading. Maybe I'm a lost cause. I get either super-calm or super-emotional. Of course, I can't get emotional around people. My emotions are extreme. They would probably look like I'm faking them. And they are not real emotions, I cause them by will. And my real emotions, they can exist in the super-calm state. I can be shaking of anxiety and be super-calm at the same time.

I have trouble expressing an intermediate amount of anger. I usually put up with some amount of crap from people, because when I'm angry, I'm angry. It's full-throttle. I don't know why I'm so all or nothing. On and off. Hot and cold. And usually I say nothing. I do nothing. If I did, it has to be this big thing. And it's kinda scary, I'm usually not ready for big things to happen. There's no casual for me, laid-back. If I'm interacting, I'm interacting. It can be back and forth, but never intermediate, balanced. I don't seem to know balance.
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby rachMiel » Sat Aug 08, 2015 4:43 pm

It sounds like you'd benefit from finding a middle way between super laid-back and super worked-up. There's a vast range of affect between those two extremes and you'd probably be more balanced if you could tap into it. Yes?
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby Freak » Sat Aug 08, 2015 10:45 pm

Yes. But thoughts either exist or they don't. And the only emotions I know are those that are self-induced, by thoughts. I'm asking about those emotions that I have trouble accessing, non-thought related. They don't influence me and I need to manually pay attention to them. Usually I ignore them. They only seem to influence me when I'm sick. And if I'm doing something bad, I can feel them, but usually my excitement of doing something bad overshadows that. Actually, it always does, no exceptions. I never stopped myself from doing anything bad because I felt some deep emotion. I usually accept the bodily sensation as something neutral and harmless and move on. But it's no good obviously. One's deep emotions guide them, and I have no purpose and meaning in my life. Nothing is gradual for me, or automatic. I'm quite robotic.
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby ashley72 » Sun Aug 09, 2015 12:13 am

I agree with Rach.

I do sense "all or nothing" & "black & white" outlook in your responses.

You use words like "completely", "never","severe", "only" etc. All these terms are very absolute in nature... you're not perceiving any middle ground.

You need to look at other alternatives or solutions that don't "absolutely" solve your problems always. It's ok to have patches of unpleasantness or ups & downs.


Check out this: http://powerstates.com/10-cognitive-thinking-errors/
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby Freak » Sun Aug 09, 2015 12:59 am

You're right. My thinking pattern is rigid. I don't think I've gotten a piece of advice this good before. I need to accept that nothing is absolute. Which feels challenging to my brain. I'll experiment with this.
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby Freak » Tue Aug 11, 2015 1:20 pm

Didn't help, actually. My real emotions (those not from thoughts) are like bodily sensations to me, which have no significance to me other than the sensations themselves. How do I derive purpose from these bodily sensations?
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby randomguy » Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:02 pm

My real emotions (those not from thoughts) are like bodily sensations to me, which have no significance to me other than the sensations themselves

The significance is that you have distinguished them as real. It probably feels so super subtle as to be worthy of ignoring. I suspect the extreme relationship with thought is a protection mechanism that has served you in some way. Now there is awareness that it may no longer required. You mention that “innate emotions stay lodged and never go away”. There might be value in maintaining awareness on these emotions and playing with allowing them to finish out, to go where they go, to show what they show.

A possible purpose (if you require one) may be the remarkably sharp observation you have of your internal dynamics. Not many describe their inner experiences with such clarity. Awareness itself is easily taken for granted, labeled “ordinary” but gets more interesting as curiosity about it increases. Have you ever heard the pointer, “rest as awareness?” It would be my suggestion to just rest as awareness and explore the innate emotions you have identified as real. If the disconnection is a protection pattern these emotions may lead to the root origin of the states you describe.
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at the rapid's roar?
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby Freak » Tue Aug 11, 2015 10:54 pm

I agree that I'm very introspective. I forgot about that. And I am very aware of my body, until my focus goes somewhere else. Then the emotions build up, like anxiety. It's very hard, if not impossible, for me to maintain awareness of my body while doing stuff. Watching a film and maintaining awareness of my body is easy, but interacting with people makes it very hard. Maybe that's why I don't like thinking, doing things, talking to people.

Maybe bodily awareness is what adds softness to black and white thoughts. My body isn't integrated into my thoughts. My thoughts seem to have no grounding in reality or morality. And even when I watch a sad scene, and maybe even cry, my thoughts are still unchanged. A human might think "I feel sorry for them", but I think "Oh, I feel the sadness coming on" or if it's a crying person, "Maybe I can get something out of them if I comfort them".

In fact, there was this girl I was really into. She had something bad happen to her so I went to meet her. She was crying, and it felt so good to listen to her cry and feeling her sobbing on me felt sooo heavenly. I felt really happy with her crying and I didn't care about her situation at all. I only comforted her because I wanted her to bond to me so I could get stuff out of her or have more power over her.

But it even feels good when I cry. Sad scenes feel pleasurable to me. The sensation of crying is relaxing to me. There was this one girl, I insulted her and she had tears in her eyes, and after that, I was really attracted to her.

Man, I am so in the mood for being around crying people. I thought about becoming a therapist or something, because this is something that makes me happy. Or maybe I will find some emotional girl. Oh man, I am sooo in the mood for that, haha.

Do I have a chance at becoming human? What do I have to do?
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby DavidB » Wed Aug 12, 2015 12:21 am

Freak, it sounds like you need some professional counseling. Are you getting professional counseling?
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby Freak » Wed Aug 12, 2015 1:54 am

I don't think a professional can help me. I know myself better than anyone else would. What am I going to say, "I don't care, please make me care"? I care about myself but not others. It's no fault of mine, my feelings just don't get to me. And when I don't think, I don't care about myself either. Empty.

It doesn't work to say "do what your body implies you should do". I could know that sadness means I want to help someone, but that's not what I felt. What I felt was a relaxing feeling in my body that feels good. So anything beyond that, would be the ego's work. Assuming what the emotion means and doing something based on what I know from the outside world and not myself.

I hoped I was curable. I'm probably not though. There's a limited amount of things one can consciously do, and I've tried so many of them. I'm not getting any kind of meaning from my unconscious. Just "eat, jackoff, pee, poo, sleep, lay there". Hm. Sucks that's all my life is and would be if I didn't follow my ego. But ET did sit on a bench homeless for a while. I think the only thing I can do is boost bodily awareness, which I will definitely work on.
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby DavidB » Wed Aug 12, 2015 8:14 am

If a professional can't assist you, then what makes you think you can find it here?
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby Freak » Wed Aug 12, 2015 8:44 pm

I wanted to know if anyone had similar experiences. I know that stuff like ET is what caused me to progress very much at one point. They are some of the most accurate teachings I know. I tried to use some of ET's teachings, but it didn't work. But I can cure myself. I should do what I naturally want to, live in the present, and wait it out.
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Re: Is my emotional disconnection curable?

Postby Freak » Thu Aug 13, 2015 4:53 am

So I let my mind take me on a sexual fantasy. It gave me a serious endorphin high, which I last experienced the last time I decided to let my mind take me on these fantasies. I became mentally and emotionally numb, the surrounding environment and other thoughts faded, etc. Heck, I still feel numb and high.

Should I let my emotions drag me places like these? Also, the fantasies were masochistic. This kind of feeling with the numbness and dreamlike state is common and desirable for people who indulge in or fantasize about this kind of stuff. I think I like to be in control so much that in my fantasies, the control from someone else makes me feel a lot of emotions, which translates into a massive endorphin high. Indeed, a lot of alpha males visit dominatrixes for this reason. But should I go forth into the pain?
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