Sex reassignement surgery

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Sex reassignement surgery

Postby missingmymama » Tue Dec 08, 2015 4:24 am

As a trans woman , I have been thinking about this surgery for years, what would Tolle or his supporter say about that?
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby Enlightened2B » Tue Dec 08, 2015 8:54 pm

First of all, it doesn't matter what Tolle says nor does it matter what anyone says. The more research that I've done on this area stemming from Bruce Jenner's situation, I've learned that there is a great possibility of pre-birth planning with this. Meaning, choosing this particular life offers incredible opportunities in understanding love.....most of all SELF love.

Honoring your own inner state by going by what FEELS right is the only way you will possibly know and is the ultimate form of Self Love. Some people choose lives where they feel trapped in the "wrong body" so to speak, and it's most certainly a legitimate design. The opportunity to embrace confliction and suppression throughout your life within and lovingly honor the request of your self by fully expressing who YOU ARE. You fully express that by fully lovingly embrace what needs to be expressed and if in your case it means a change of gender, so there is a cry out within that is longing to be expressed as a different gender, then you should feel into that yourself and see how it makes you feel. But, only you can know what feels right.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby the key master » Tue Dec 08, 2015 10:36 pm

e2b said,
First of all, it doesn't matter what Tolle says nor does it matter what anyone says. The more research that I've done on this area stemming from Bruce Jenner's situation, I've learned that there is a great possibility of pre-birth planning with this. Meaning, choosing this particular life offers incredible opportunities in understanding love.....most of all SELF love.

Honoring your own inner state by going by what FEELS right is the only way you will possibly know and is the ultimate form of Self Love. Some people choose lives where they feel trapped in the "wrong body" so to speak, and it's most certainly a legitimate design. The opportunity to embrace confliction and suppression throughout your life within and lovingly honor the request of your self by fully expressing who YOU ARE. You fully express that by fully lovingly embrace what needs to be expressed and if in your case it means a change of gender, so there is a cry out within that is longing to be expressed as a different gender, then you should feel into that yourself and see how it makes you feel. But, only you can know what feels right.


I would be careful when telling someone that going with what feels right is the only way. What if what feels right today feels wrong tomorrow? Does a child predator act on what feels right before luring an unsuspecting kid to a car with candy? I would say yes. Apart from that, I question the OP's sincerity in writing the post here, as the relay of worthwhile advice on such a subject would require a deeper understanding of personal history, particularly an examination of the tendency toward compulsive thinking, why that's there, if the driving forces are conscious, and if there is a likelihood that the driving forces will be made conscious later down the line.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby Enlightened2B » Tue Dec 08, 2015 11:05 pm

Your opinions are noted Key. Yet, when I say feeling, I am referring to feeling from a much deeper place felt within the body as well (as the body does not lie) and that's where true intuition lies.....and you're right, none of us know about this person's history....exactly why I said only YOU (meaning them) could possibly know and can't expect answers from anyone outside of yourself. Part of "it feeling right" is encompassing everything including the person's own history.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby the key master » Tue Dec 08, 2015 11:32 pm

Enlightened2B wrote:Your opinions are noted Key. Yet, when I say feeling, I am referring to feeling from a much deeper place felt within the body as well (as the body does not lie) and that's where true intuition lies.....and you're right, none of us know about this person's history....exactly why I said only YOU (meaning them) could possibly know and can't expect answers from anyone outside of yourself. Part of "it feeling right" is encompassing everything including the person's own history.


Right and there's a possibility that some of the person's history isn't conscious, so my suggestion would be to explore the possible link between that and the desire to permanently alter one's physical body prior to the alteration, particularly if one is 'split' on the desire.

Apart from that, why gender confusion happens is completely understandable. This doesn't make gender alteration always wrong or even sometimes right. If the world makes you want to be a different sex, who is anyone to argue with what you want? Yet, if you were fully conscious of why you want to alter your gender, and that consciousness leads to the absence of the desire, you'd probably want to get fully conscious before doing something that is irreversible. When you hear about folks committing suicide after gender surgery, that's the reason why, to avoid consciousness.

So what's a girl to do? My guess is there's probably some counseling one would have to put oneself through before being approved for such an operation, similar to gastric bypass surgery, to prevent nightmare scenarios. My next guess is that the point of that counseling has very little to do with achieving full consciousness, but more to do with the exploration of whether you'll be able to cope with effects of an operation that must cost a lot of money. That's not a good situation.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby missingmymama » Wed Dec 09, 2015 3:41 am

Well I be been on hormones for several years. I do live and pass as a woman whatever that means. I don't think there's anything I can say that will point to an exact answer. I do feel like I have a history of needing acceptance and there's a feeling of loss because I can't have kids and having a surgery will finalize that. Although I never felt attraction to a woman and I don't like my body down there; it isn't something I need to do or I will kill myself kind of situation. Having a major a surgery is sorry of like facing death. The ego is scared and there a part f m that feels it shouldn't matter what my body is like, it doesn't define me. I also have a history of never being able to make a decision
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby the key master » Wed Dec 09, 2015 8:47 pm

missingmymama wrote:Well I be been on hormones for several years. I do live and pass as a woman whatever that means. I don't think there's anything I can say that will point to an exact answer.


Ok.

I do feel like I have a history of needing acceptance and there's a feeling of loss because I can't have kids and having a surgery will finalize that.


Yea you don't really need acceptance, but you can notice resistance and inquire into why that's there. You can always adopt. I'm adopting a 9 year old. I hope he accepts me as his father. He told his mother he wants a Dad, because his real Dad isn't here anymore. But anyway, I can vibe on the wanting acceptance thing. Whose acceptance is most important to you?

Although I never felt attraction to a woman and I don't like my body down there; it isn't something I need to do or I will kill myself kind of situation. Having a major a surgery is sorry of like facing death. The ego is scared and there a part f m that feels it shouldn't matter what my body is like, it doesn't define me. I also have a history of never being able to make a decision


So you notice some wires that are crossed.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby smiileyjen101 » Thu Dec 10, 2015 7:07 am

Possibly the best people to discuss this with are those who have been there, or those who have been involved with those who have been there - allowing another's hindsight to inform your foresight.

Well I be been on hormones for several years. I do live and pass as a woman whatever that means. I don't think there's anything I can say that will point to an exact answer. I do feel like I have a history of needing acceptance and there's a feeling of loss because I can't have kids and having a surgery will finalize that. Although I never felt attraction to a woman and I don't like my body down there; it isn't something I need to do or I will kill myself kind of situation. Having a major a surgery is sorry of like facing death. The ego is scared and there a part f m that feels it shouldn't matter what my body is like, it doesn't define me. I also have a history of never being able to make a decision


I've known two who have had the surgery male>female.

The first was young(er) and could think of nothing but being a woman, and she was totally gorgeous as a woman. But, it is possible that she liked the attention & 'acceptance' of her when she dressed and made up as a woman - she would turn guys' heads and we 'girls' would all marvel at how stunning she was, and it's true she appeared more beautiful and culturally-defined feminine, than we were.

The difference, I now realise, was that she worked at it, we were just who we 'are'. When she was 'he' that sort of feedback didn't happen even though 'he' was a beautiful person too, it just seems that he didn't know it.

I noticed a similarity with a friend who was a model - the time & effort that would go into her 'carefree good looks' - it was manufactured. She also was a lovely human being, who didn't recognise how beautiful she was on the inside & worked hard at projecting it on the outside. And indeed got lots of reinforcing feedback - if a woman doesn't have make up on or her hair 'just so' people will ask if they're ill!

With the first one - it gets a bit confusing here. While dressing as woman, she was gay - as in attracted to and only sexually involved with men, which brought up all sorts of dramas when she was dressed as a woman - if they knew, if they didn't, if they accepted her/him etc and so she thought the best thing to do would be to have the operation, which she did.

The 'sad' thing was that only then she realised those 'dramas' didn't go away.

Gay men wouldn't touch her because she was no longer remotely 'male', straight guys wouldn't touch her because she was 'once a man' and most couldn't get over it. When I last saw her she was in a relationship with a lesbian (totally female). She had thought that she would get out of the 'gay scene' and just play and live 'straight', but it wasn't to be. She had found (more) acceptance in the gay community. In time she stopped taking so much time & care with her looks and I have to say was unhappy all round.

I think you may have hit on something with the 'self acceptance' part.

The other was older when I met her, she'd had the change decades before, but nobody (not even her) would let her forget it - the same sort of drama surrounded her, not just in her relationships, in work placements, even in sport (her hitting off the women's tees in golf created a huge discussion about whether it was 'fair' or not).

We rarely think about the gender biases that we hold, both of these made me think about it a lot. They lived with it 24-7.

Having said that I worked on a project with a wonderful doctor (who works out of Melbourne Australia) and she had a great handle on it all in terms of mental, emotional as well as physical reconciliation.

there a part of me that feels it shouldn't matter what my body is like, it doesn't define me

Go with that and see where it leads.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby missingmymama » Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:24 am

smiileyjen101 wrote:Possibly the best people to discuss this with are those who have been there, or those who have been involved with those who have been there - allowing another's hindsight to inform your foresight.

Well I be been on hormones for several years. I do live and pass as a woman whatever that means. I don't think there's anything I can say that will point to an exact answer. I do feel like I have a history of needing acceptance and there's a feeling of loss because I can't have kids and having a surgery will finalize that. Although I never felt attraction to a woman and I don't like my body down there; it isn't something I need to do or I will kill myself kind of situation. Having a major a surgery is sorry of like facing death. The ego is scared and there a part f m that feels it shouldn't matter what my body is like, it doesn't define me. I also have a history of never being able to make a decision


I've known two who have had the surgery male>female.

The first was young(er) and could think of nothing but being a woman, and she was totally gorgeous as a woman. But, it is possible that she liked the attention & 'acceptance' of her when she dressed and made up as a woman - she would turn guys' heads and we 'girls' would all marvel at how stunning she was, and it's true she appeared more beautiful and culturally-defined feminine, than we were.

The difference, I now realise, was that she worked at it, we were just who we 'are'. When she was 'he' that sort of feedback didn't happen even though 'he' was a beautiful person too, it just seems that he didn't know it.

I noticed a similarity with a friend who was a model - the time & effort that would go into her 'carefree good looks' - it was manufactured. She also was a lovely human being, who didn't recognise how beautiful she was on the inside & worked hard at projecting it on the outside. And indeed got lots of reinforcing feedback - if a woman doesn't have make up on or her hair 'just so' people will ask if they're ill!

With the first one - it gets a bit confusing here. While dressing as woman, she was gay - as in attracted to and only sexually involved with men, which brought up all sorts of dramas when she was dressed as a woman - if they knew, if they didn't, if they accepted her/him etc and so she thought the best thing to do would be to have the operation, which she did.

The 'sad' thing was that only then she realised those 'dramas' didn't go away.

Gay men wouldn't touch her because she was no longer remotely 'male', straight guys wouldn't touch her because she was 'once a man' and most couldn't get over it. When I last saw her she was in a relationship with a lesbian (totally female). She had thought that she would get out of the 'gay scene' and just play and live 'straight', but it wasn't to be. She had found (more) acceptance in the gay community. In time she stopped taking so much time & care with her looks and I have to say was unhappy all round.

I think you may have hit on something with the 'self acceptance' part.

The other was older when I met her, she'd had the change decades before, but nobody (not even her) would let her forget it - the same sort of drama surrounded her, not just in her relationships, in work placements, even in sport (her hitting off the women's tees in golf created a huge discussion about whether it was 'fair' or not).

We rarely think about the gender biases that we hold, both of these made me think about it a lot. They lived with it 24-7.

Having said that I worked on a project with a wonderful doctor (who works out of Melbourne Australia) and she had a great handle on it all in terms of mental, emotional as well as physical reconciliation.

there a part of me that feels it shouldn't matter what my body is like, it doesn't define me

Go with that and see where it leads.


That is indeed sad. I realize that of course, I will not have the surgery because of some expectation that men will accept me. I think men should accept me as who I am, right now. I don't even usually wear make up.


Most people don't know about my identity. I found that even when I do not have intimacy with a man, they still treat me nicer than if I was a gay male. I cant help but feel good about that, even though I also don't like to have to hide who I am.

I don't have an absolute desire to have the surgery, I wish there is a magic wand that will give me a vagina.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby missingmymama » Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:31 am

the key master wrote:
missingmymama wrote:Well I be been on hormones for several years. I do live and pass as a woman whatever that means. I don't think there's anything I can say that will point to an exact answer.


Ok.

I do feel like I have a history of needing acceptance and there's a feeling of loss because I can't have kids and having a surgery will finalize that.


Yea you don't really need acceptance, but you can notice resistance and inquire into why that's there. You can always adopt. I'm adopting a 9 year old. I hope he accepts me as his father. He told his mother he wants a Dad, because his real Dad isn't here anymore. But anyway, I can vibe on the wanting acceptance thing. Whose acceptance is most important to you?

Although I never felt attraction to a woman and I don't like my body down there; it isn't something I need to do or I will kill myself kind of situation. Having a major a surgery is sorry of like facing death. The ego is scared and there a part f m that feels it shouldn't matter what my body is like, it doesn't define me. I also have a history of never being able to make a decision


So you notice some wires that are crossed.


I was bullied all throughout highschool and I never felt like I fit in or had any friends when I was in highschool. I always wondered why I couldn't' have any friends, the guys called me gay or a fa_got. I would sometimes wish I was a girl , I would always want to be the "girl" in a relationship. I want acceptance the most from men. Maybe its because my dad was never emotionally available and I was also siding with my mother, she was my everything, she still is, even though she passed on. She played both the role of the father and the mother for me.
When I entered university, I start becoming more and more repulsed at being called a man, or even worst, "sir", I started rejecting the male identity more and more. I enjoyed being a girl, the social role fits me more. I also enjoy having a boyfriend who consider me to be his girlfriend.


In a perfect world, there would be a way for me to have my own kids and also a husband. Theres a part of me that doesn't believe I am transgender, after all, I never really thought I was a girl when I was a boy. I don't think I really had a problem with it until I started being picked on , and I was going through puberty and sexuality becomes something I should be ashamed of, and a reason kids picked on me for.

its so complicated. My mother always wished I could just be a gay male, and I really didn't want to disappoint her, but she did accept me and she actually wished I can have the surgery so I can be "normal" in people's eyes, and in case I end up in the hospital, I wouldn't be treated like a freak of nature.


At this point, I am having the surgery partly because I would feel really vulnerable if I end up in the hospital.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby the key master » Fri Dec 11, 2015 11:42 am

Hey mmm.

missingmymama wrote:
I was bullied all throughout highschool and I never felt like I fit in or had any friends when I was in highschool. I always wondered why I couldn't' have any friends, the guys called me gay or a fa_got. I would sometimes wish I was a girl , I would always want to be the "girl" in a relationship. I want acceptance the most from men. Maybe its because my dad was never emotionally available and I was also siding with my mother, she was my everything, she still is, even though she passed on. She played both the role of the father and the mother for me.


Maybe it is because your father wasn't emotionally available. How did Mom pass?

When I entered university, I start becoming more and more repulsed at being called a man, or even worst, "sir", I started rejecting the male identity more and more. I enjoyed being a girl, the social role fits me more. I also enjoy having a boyfriend who consider me to be his girlfriend.


The girl identity has limitations also, and most of what I do on this forum is point out those limitations so they can be noticed. You can notice a movement of becoming more conscious of your mind's rejection of the male identity. This isn't because you are a man or a woman, but because you are conscious of the limitations of being male, in the same way you can be conscious of the limitations of being human.

We notice the receipt of shame based projections in high school, coupled to a now conscious yearning for male acceptance. We see a link between that yearning and the absence of your father during developmental stages in life, which can open up your mind to the potential for what are sometimes called helicopter parents. The openings left by unhealed childhood wounds can leave your soul vulnerable to exploitation, and helicopter parents are here to ensure that doesn't happen prior to those wounds being made conscious and allowed the loving space for resolution.

If a male energy is in the midst of a transition to becoming female energy dominant, we notice the potential for that transition to be fueled by conscious and unconscious forces. Being more conscious of the forces that shaped you allows a deeper understanding of the personal self to come to light, and with that understanding clarity can inform decision making processes so they are less influenced by the subconscious irrational emotions, and thus less likely to lead to suffering experienced in the pursuit of split mind desires. Take a look at the tribes of your parents and grandparents.

In a perfect world, there would be a way for me to have my own kids and also a husband. Theres a part of me that doesn't believe I am transgender, after all, I never really thought I was a girl when I was a boy. I don't think I really had a problem with it until I started being picked on , and I was going through puberty and sexuality becomes something I should be ashamed of, and a reason kids picked on me for.


Ok.

its so complicated. My mother always wished I could just be a gay male, and I really didn't want to disappoint her, but she did accept me and she actually wished I can have the surgery so I can be "normal" in people's eyes, and in case I end up in the hospital, I wouldn't be treated like a freak of nature.


At this point, I am having the surgery partly because I would feel really vulnerable if I end up in the hospital.


What do you mean, in case you end up in the hospital? Otherwise, have you spoken with surgeons? What sort of vibes are you picking up from the medical community?
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby smiileyjen101 » Sun Dec 13, 2015 2:58 am

its so complicated. My mother always wished I could just be a gay male, and I really didn't want to disappoint her, but she did accept me and she actually wished I can have the surgery so I can be "normal" in people's eyes, and in case I end up in the hospital, I wouldn't be treated like a freak of nature.

At this point, I am having the surgery partly because I would feel really vulnerable if I end up in the hospital.


mmm you cannot control how others treat you, or live up to what another would wish for you - you can only learn to respond in a way that ensures your own stability, peace, authenticity and honesty.

On the hospital issue - absolutely you would present administrative 'difficulties', which ward would you be best to be treated in/from - gender privacy issues etc etc that is administrative stuff - it's not personal. If anyone personally reacts that's their issue as above.

There will be just as many administrative and ignorance issues on display after the operation as there are before it - different ones, but issues to face nonetheless.

The work I did with the brilliant doctor mentioned above was in medical education. As well as working in gender reassignment, and gynaecology & obstetrics with women with a range of differences from physical and psychological genital deformity, fgm/female cutting/female circumcision. That doctor also works with and educates the medical fraternity about the social, physical, medical, psychological and cultural impacts of vulnerable people in their care presenting with these differences. We're all different, we're all unique.

Ignorance in the medical field is NOT your responsibility, (response-ability) people learn from their own ignorance and mis-takes.

So, the issue then is not what happens to you, or what others think or say about you. It's about how do you learn to live in harmony in the world. How do you develop a sense of self that is respectful to yourself and others, is honest and loving, kind to the ignorant without being disrespectful to yourself?

This ^ is life - for ALL of us. These are the challenges of life for ALL of us.

These are the things that help us to learn to forgive before taking offence into ourselves, to see 'something happened' without jumping to conclusions that we know all the parts of it and all the things - all the awarenesses, capacities and willingnesses that fed into it.

These are the things that teach us how to live in our skin as if we weren't in it. To be in the world, but not of the world. To live as our eternal selves would have us live, within the confines and contrived difficulties that physical life bestows upon us.

These are the things that teach us about love - about the giving and the receiving.
These are the things that teach us about forgiveness being a gift to ourselves, and that we are as ignorant about others as they are about us.

These are the opportunities that you have chosen to grow with and through in order to know who you really are.

You can either fall to fear and confusion, or you can 'smile' and buckle up for the ride that it takes you on with your eyes and your heart wide open.

The key is to consciously 'notice' actions/reactions of your own, what hurts, what helps, and choose to employ more of what helps than what hurts.

I can give you a head start hint - wishing to be as others would have you ... is not helpful. BEing who you really are, allowing your light to shine may seem difficult, but the difficulty is only in your mind/ego, fearing that it is not 'enough'. - no less than the trees and the stars, YOU have a right to BE, here.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby the key master » Sun Dec 13, 2015 4:24 am

smiileyjen101 wrote:
its so complicated. My mother always wished I could just be a gay male, and I really didn't want to disappoint her, but she did accept me and she actually wished I can have the surgery so I can be "normal" in people's eyes, and in case I end up in the hospital, I wouldn't be treated like a freak of nature.

At this point, I am having the surgery partly because I would feel really vulnerable if I end up in the hospital.


mmm you cannot control how others treat you, or live up to what another would wish for you - you can only learn to respond in a way that ensures your own stability, peace, authenticity and honesty.

On the hospital issue - absolutely you would present administrative 'difficulties', which ward would you be best to be treated in/from - gender privacy issues etc etc that is administrative stuff - it's not personal. If anyone personally reacts that's their issue as above.

There will be just as many administrative and ignorance issues on display after the operation as there are before it - different ones, but issues to face nonetheless.

The work I did with the brilliant doctor mentioned above was in medical education. As well as working in gender reassignment, and gynaecology & obstetrics with women with a range of differences from physical and psychological genital deformity, fgm/female cutting/female circumcision. That doctor also works with and educates the medical fraternity about the social, physical, medical, psychological and cultural impacts of vulnerable people in their care presenting with these differences. We're all different, we're all unique.

Ignorance in the medical field is NOT your responsibility, (response-ability) people learn from their own ignorance and mis-takes.

So, the issue then is not what happens to you, or what others think or say about you. It's about how do you learn to live in harmony in the world. How do you develop a sense of self that is respectful to yourself and others, is honest and loving, kind to the ignorant without being disrespectful to yourself?

This ^ is life - for ALL of us. These are the challenges of life for ALL of us.

[/i]


Good stuff.

These are the things that help us to learn to forgive before taking offence into ourselves, to see 'something happened' without jumping to conclusions that we know all the parts of it and all the things - all the awarenesses, capacities and willingnesses that fed into it.



Ok I gotta get into word lawyer mode. You aren't really implying there are different awarenesses are you?

These are the opportunities that you have chosen to grow with and through in order to know who you really are.


Awareness being aware of thinking and feeling and conditions is what your experience is. It isn't your own personal awareness experience, but rather, awareness has the experience of being apparently limited to the personal self. Seeing through those limitations is not a choice of the apparent person trying to get to know what the person really is, because the person isn't really real, and didn't really have any choice.
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby missingmymama » Sun Dec 13, 2015 9:44 pm

the key master wrote:Hey mmm.

missingmymama wrote:
I was bullied all throughout highschool and I never felt like I fit in or had any friends when I was in highschool. I always wondered why I couldn't' have any friends, the guys called me gay or a fa_got. I would sometimes wish I was a girl , I would always want to be the "girl" in a relationship. I want acceptance the most from men. Maybe its because my dad was never emotionally available and I was also siding with my mother, she was my everything, she still is, even though she passed on. She played both the role of the father and the mother for me.


Maybe it is because your father wasn't emotionally available. How did Mom pass?

When I entered university, I start becoming more and more repulsed at being called a man, or even worst, "sir", I started rejecting the male identity more and more. I enjoyed being a girl, the social role fits me more. I also enjoy having a boyfriend who consider me to be his girlfriend.


The girl identity has limitations also, and most of what I do on this forum is point out those limitations so they can be noticed. You can notice a movement of becoming more conscious of your mind's rejection of the male identity. This isn't because you are a man or a woman, but because you are conscious of the limitations of being male, in the same way you can be conscious of the limitations of being human.

We notice the receipt of shame based projections in high school, coupled to a now conscious yearning for male acceptance. We see a link between that yearning and the absence of your father during developmental stages in life, which can open up your mind to the potential for what are sometimes called helicopter parents. The openings left by unhealed childhood wounds can leave your soul vulnerable to exploitation, and helicopter parents are here to ensure that doesn't happen prior to those wounds being made conscious and allowed the loving space for resolution.

If a male energy is in the midst of a transition to becoming female energy dominant, we notice the potential for that transition to be fueled by conscious and unconscious forces. Being more conscious of the forces that shaped you allows a deeper understanding of the personal self to come to light, and with that understanding clarity can inform decision making processes so they are less influenced by the subconscious irrational emotions, and thus less likely to lead to suffering experienced in the pursuit of split mind desires. Take a look at the tribes of your parents and grandparents.

In a perfect world, there would be a way for me to have my own kids and also a husband. Theres a part of me that doesn't believe I am transgender, after all, I never really thought I was a girl when I was a boy. I don't think I really had a problem with it until I started being picked on , and I was going through puberty and sexuality becomes something I should be ashamed of, and a reason kids picked on me for.


Ok.

its so complicated. My mother always wished I could just be a gay male, and I really didn't want to disappoint her, but she did accept me and she actually wished I can have the surgery so I can be "normal" in people's eyes, and in case I end up in the hospital, I wouldn't be treated like a freak of nature.


At this point, I am having the surgery partly because I would feel really vulnerable if I end up in the hospital.


What do you mean, in case you end up in the hospital? Otherwise, have you spoken with surgeons? What sort of vibes are you picking up from the medical community?



One time, i was at an emeregecy because I cut my finger. The chinese male nurse was very rude to me. He said louly to me, your health card is male. He seemed to have a problem with me looking so female and having a male health card. I wfelt very uncomfortable and embarassed. My mother was alive at the time and she stood up for me. I love her with all my heart and I miss her every moment of everyday.

But yes, i tried to avoid going to the emergency but I have a nice family doctor. As I said , i have been on female hormones for 8 years , originally, i saw a psychologist for only an hour and he diagnoised me with gender identity disorder , and he prescribed me hormones and he said i dont have to see him again. I wish i had more follow up with a psychologist but thats the limit of our public canadian health care system. The female hormones have changed me physically, but it has allowed me to cry more, and express my emotions , I was hoping it will give me more clarity on if i should have the surgery but so far i am not 100 percent sure of it still, even after so many years.

My mother didnt necessarily believe i was female, she believed its because i was treated badly by some of my family members and school mates that has changed me into rejecting the male identity. She loved me regardless if iw as a boy or a girl, but I always feel bad like i disappointed her and caused her to worry even during her last days. It is a very important chinese tradition to have grandchildren , although my mother didnt believe i should have a child given my depression and gender identity issue.

I feel the urge to have my own children so my mother can live on some how, this is partly why i am resisting the surgery to an extent, even though i cant see myself stopping female hormones and going back to my original form and "perserving my genetic information" at a bank; having the surgery will absolutely end my chance and I just can't let go of anything these days. I am also a hoarder it seems, i want to hold onto everything my mother ever worn and own.

I was hoping Eckhart tolle and other buddhist spirtuality teaching can teach me to let go.

I still feel like i dishonored my ancestors and my mom (even though she didnt care that i dont have children) and myself for not having any children of my own. I dont know how to get over it. At the same time, i have deep fear of not even taking my female hormones for one day, i feel like it has become some kind of a crutch. I feel like I can never go back now, not even for a short period of time to save my genetic information. I wouldnt know how to face myself or the outside world. I guess i always feel like i am in some sort of a limbo and i hate how i am always going to be relying on pills to live the rest of my life.

I was with my mom the whole time while she, a 56 year woman, was bed ridden and dying from cancer in the hosptial.I cant imagine laying on the bed and having that part still with me. I know some of the nurses would laughed behind my back. Its a fear that I have. I know it shouldnt matter but anyways, i am afraid of going to the hosptial.


My mother was very protective of me. I have always liked men and i am not going to blame my mother for the way i truend out. I read some Freud , I majored in psychology, but none of that matter now. I grew up hating my dad.

I dont know if i was supposed to be a female, but i know my life would be much better if i was born as one. I can have children that might look like my mother and a normal family.


Even with the surgery, i wont and cant have my own children and theres always a chance a man would not like me after they found out my past. And even with surgery, i guess they will still not take out the prostate, which would be one male characteristic they cant change.

I do think i would like having a female part down there, but i just wish i didnt have to make the choice myself. I dont want to be the one who is responsible for changing my form , a form my mother gave me.
Last edited by missingmymama on Sun Dec 13, 2015 10:27 pm, edited 5 times in total.
missingmymama
 
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Re: Sex reassignement surgery

Postby missingmymama » Sun Dec 13, 2015 9:48 pm

smiileyjen101 wrote:
its so complicated. My mother always wished I could just be a gay male, and I really didn't want to disappoint her, but she did accept me and she actually wished I can have the surgery so I can be "normal" in people's eyes, and in case I end up in the hospital, I wouldn't be treated like a freak of nature.

At this point, I am having the surgery partly because I would feel really vulnerable if I end up in the hospital.


mmm you cannot control how others treat you, or live up to what another would wish for you - you can only learn to respond in a way that ensures your own stability, peace, authenticity and honesty.

On the hospital issue - absolutely you would present administrative 'difficulties', which ward would you be best to be treated in/from - gender privacy issues etc etc that is administrative stuff - it's not personal. If anyone personally reacts that's their issue as above.

There will be just as many administrative and ignorance issues on display after the operation as there are before it - different ones, but issues to face nonetheless.

The work I did with the brilliant doctor mentioned above was in medical education. As well as working in gender reassignment, and gynaecology & obstetrics with women with a range of differences from physical and psychological genital deformity, fgm/female cutting/female circumcision. That doctor also works with and educates the medical fraternity about the social, physical, medical, psychological and cultural impacts of vulnerable people in their care presenting with these differences. We're all different, we're all unique.

Ignorance in the medical field is NOT your responsibility, (response-ability) people learn from their own ignorance and mis-takes.

So, the issue then is not what happens to you, or what others think or say about you. It's about how do you learn to live in harmony in the world. How do you develop a sense of self that is respectful to yourself and others, is honest and loving, kind to the ignorant without being disrespectful to yourself?

This ^ is life - for ALL of us. These are the challenges of life for ALL of us.

These are the things that help us to learn to forgive before taking offence into ourselves, to see 'something happened' without jumping to conclusions that we know all the parts of it and all the things - all the awarenesses, capacities and willingnesses that fed into it.

These are the things that teach us how to live in our skin as if we weren't in it. To be in the world, but not of the world. To live as our eternal selves would have us live, within the confines and contrived difficulties that physical life bestows upon us.

These are the things that teach us about love - about the giving and the receiving.
These are the things that teach us about forgiveness being a gift to ourselves, and that we are as ignorant about others as they are about us.

These are the opportunities that you have chosen to grow with and through in order to know who you really are.

You can either fall to fear and confusion, or you can 'smile' and buckle up for the ride that it takes you on with your eyes and your heart wide open.

The key is to consciously 'notice' actions/reactions of your own, what hurts, what helps, and choose to employ more of what helps than what hurts.

I can give you a head start hint - wishing to be as others would have you ... is not helpful. BEing who you really are, allowing your light to shine may seem difficult, but the difficulty is only in your mind/ego, fearing that it is not 'enough'. - no less than the trees and the stars, YOU have a right to BE, here.


Thank you for your response, it is true i shouldnt care what other people think, and that it is possible medical staff will be considerate to me or not and it shouldnt matter. I dont know. I just dont know. I feel so vulnerable being the way i am , in between.
I dont know who i am though.

I know i cant control how other treat me but the fact is, people do treat me like a woman unless i tell them otherwise. I do enjoy that everyday interaction, what i dont enjoy is feeling like i have something to hide and that if they really know me, they wont like me.

I have another trans friends who doesnt hide who she is and i always admire her authenticity. She does plan on having a surgery.

We hear alot about trans people who knew they were in the "wrong body" since they were little and they know for sure they must have the surgery. I wish i was as sure. It would make life easier.
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