Depersonalisation / Derealisation

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Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby Midnight » Fri Jan 01, 2016 3:40 am

Hi.
I used to post here many moons ago, back in 2010-2012 mostly.

In 2010 I was doing self-inquiry, and ended up, for some reason (which I still don't know), having an intense panic attack, followed by another several days after.

After that panic attack took place I slipped into a constant state of what I believe to be Depersonalisation & Derealization.

It has been consistent throughout the last 5 years, and as such I have tried my best to live as normal a life as possible given these difficult and sometimes paralysing psychological circumstances.

http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Dep ... ation.html

Parallels have been drawn by authors, teachers etc, between spirituality and states like this. Shinzen Young mentions it here for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zIKQCwDXsA

Though I cannot prove it, I cannot help but feel like my psychological experience is somehow linked to that night when I practiced self-inquiry. My life has been forever changed and my sensory experience of the world is very different, I feel like nothing really exists and that I am in a dream-state, which causes me a profound anxiety, the likes of which I've never known before. It has radically altered my personality and behaviours as well.

I made this thread because I realized that it was around this time 5 years ago when I first contracted this condition, and I suddenly panicked. I don't want it to steal away another 5 years of my life.

I wondered if anyone else here had experienced similar symptoms to this, especially memory loss (Short & long term) and could offer any advice or experience on the topic.

Thanks and happy new year.
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Re: Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby dijmart » Fri Jan 01, 2016 5:39 am

Hi midnight, I do remember you! Sorry this issue never resolved itself. I don't know what you've tried in terms of treatment if any, but there are depersonalization clinics that have specialists i think. Not saying there is always a cure, but it's possible, however since it's persisted this long I'm not sure what the success rate would be. I had depersonalization of a sort many years ago brought on by the psychological stress of my brother in law dying from cancer and a few other major stressors around the same time. A psychotherapist brought me out of it. Good luck to you dear.
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Re: Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby the key master » Sat Jan 02, 2016 5:46 am

Midnight wrote:Hi.
I used to post here many moons ago, back in 2010-2012 mostly.

In 2010 I was doing self-inquiry, and ended up, for some reason (which I still don't know), having an intense panic attack, followed by another several days after.

After that panic attack took place I slipped into a constant state of what I believe to be Depersonalisation & Derealization.

It has been consistent throughout the last 5 years, and as such I have tried my best to live as normal a life as possible given these difficult and sometimes paralysing psychological circumstances.

http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Dep ... ation.html

Parallels have been drawn by authors, teachers etc, between spirituality and states like this. Shinzen Young mentions it here for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zIKQCwDXsA

Though I cannot prove it, I cannot help but feel like my psychological experience is somehow linked to that night when I practiced self-inquiry. My life has been forever changed and my sensory experience of the world is very different, I feel like nothing really exists and that I am in a dream-state, which causes me a profound anxiety, the likes of which I've never known before. It has radically altered my personality and behaviours as well.

I made this thread because I realized that it was around this time 5 years ago when I first contracted this condition, and I suddenly panicked. I don't want it to steal away another 5 years of my life.

I wondered if anyone else here had experienced similar symptoms to this, especially memory loss (Short & long term) and could offer any advice or experience on the topic.

Thanks and happy new year.


Yea I can relate to short and long term memory loss, but I am more inclined to talk of it as the assertion of the identity rejection function, which catapults from the collective engine as much as it might from your own inability to remember things. I spent much of the last year piecing together my life not so much because I thought it was a good idea, but more because it was the only idea left.

What you can notice on the surface level is a split mind around your recall function. If you felt like remembering stuff you would do so quite effortlessly, so my only suggestion there is to be conscious of how the recall function operates. What's better, walking around in a depersonalized mind state or being a WWII veteran suffering from flashbacks and imagining that unresolved conflicts from the battle field are actually happening everywhere at all times when in reality it's just a projection overlay.

I can't speak for the rest of the website but I found a piece a while back on reverse engineering and maybe it might get things moving for you. Some of the stuff toward the end is poorly written where he's talking about desire and good and bad relativity, but the other stuff is gold. I have a book I'm finishing up where I address a lot of the issues you're talking about in a more experiential and tangible way, as opposed to just bare bones dynamics that I post on here. I think you'll find it entertaining. I'll have it up in a couple weeks. But in the book I talk about my son here and the new baby on the way and the delusional dynamics of our slowly becoming more functional family in an effort to bring greater consciousness to paths of least resistance to better dreams.

Anyway here is a link to something I found helpful on my journey,

http://www.rainbowbody.net/Ongwhehonwhe/traumaSam.htm
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Re: Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby dijmart » Sat Jan 02, 2016 6:46 am

Regarding memory loss.... if you experience this definitely get your vitamin D level checked! I was having horrible short term memory loss several months ago it was caused by an almost non existent vitamin D level. This is my public announcement for the day! Lol
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Re: Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby the key master » Sat Jan 02, 2016 9:09 am

dijmart wrote:Regarding memory loss.... if you experience this definitely get your vitamin D level checked! I was having horrible short term memory loss several months ago it was caused by an almost non existent vitamin D level. This is my public announcement for the day! Lol


And now, back to your originally scheduled program :mrgreen:
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Re: Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby dijmart » Sat Jan 02, 2016 5:40 pm

the key master wrote:
dijmart wrote:Regarding memory loss.... if you experience this definitely get your vitamin D level checked! I was having horrible short term memory loss several months ago it was caused by an almost non existent vitamin D level. This is my public announcement for the day! Lol


And now, back to your originally scheduled program :mrgreen:


:lol: right!
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Re: Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby Onceler » Sun Jan 03, 2016 2:51 am

Vit D may be useful for fighting depression as well.
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Re: Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby Midnight » Mon Jan 04, 2016 2:32 am

the key master wrote:
Midnight wrote:Hi.
I used to post here many moons ago, back in 2010-2012 mostly.

In 2010 I was doing self-inquiry, and ended up, for some reason (which I still don't know), having an intense panic attack, followed by another several days after.

After that panic attack took place I slipped into a constant state of what I believe to be Depersonalisation & Derealization.

It has been consistent throughout the last 5 years, and as such I have tried my best to live as normal a life as possible given these difficult and sometimes paralysing psychological circumstances.

http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Dep ... ation.html

Parallels have been drawn by authors, teachers etc, between spirituality and states like this. Shinzen Young mentions it here for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zIKQCwDXsA

Though I cannot prove it, I cannot help but feel like my psychological experience is somehow linked to that night when I practiced self-inquiry. My life has been forever changed and my sensory experience of the world is very different, I feel like nothing really exists and that I am in a dream-state, which causes me a profound anxiety, the likes of which I've never known before. It has radically altered my personality and behaviours as well.

I made this thread because I realized that it was around this time 5 years ago when I first contracted this condition, and I suddenly panicked. I don't want it to steal away another 5 years of my life.

I wondered if anyone else here had experienced similar symptoms to this, especially memory loss (Short & long term) and could offer any advice or experience on the topic.

Thanks and happy new year.


Yea I can relate to short and long term memory loss, but I am more inclined to talk of it as the assertion of the identity rejection function, which catapults from the collective engine as much as it might from your own inability to remember things. I spent much of the last year piecing together my life not so much because I thought it was a good idea, but more because it was the only idea left.

What you can notice on the surface level is a split mind around your recall function. If you felt like remembering stuff you would do so quite effortlessly, so my only suggestion there is to be conscious of how the recall function operates. What's better, walking around in a depersonalized mind state or being a WWII veteran suffering from flashbacks and imagining that unresolved conflicts from the battle field are actually happening everywhere at all times when in reality it's just a projection overlay.

I can't speak for the rest of the website but I found a piece a while back on reverse engineering and maybe it might get things moving for you. Some of the stuff toward the end is poorly written where he's talking about desire and good and bad relativity, but the other stuff is gold. I have a book I'm finishing up where I address a lot of the issues you're talking about in a more experiential and tangible way, as opposed to just bare bones dynamics that I post on here. I think you'll find it entertaining. I'll have it up in a couple weeks. But in the book I talk about my son here and the new baby on the way and the delusional dynamics of our slowly becoming more functional family in an effort to bring greater consciousness to paths of least resistance to better dreams.

Anyway here is a link to something I found helpful on my journey,

http://www.rainbowbody.net/Ongwhehonwhe/traumaSam.htm


I dont understand. How can you be confident that if I wanted to remember something I'd just 'do it'? My mind is impaired through no will of my own, I would not willingly inflict this on myself, I am not a masochist.

Infact, I really try hard to recall events and moments from my youth on a daily basis, throughout the day I'm constantly scanning my brain trying to 'fish out' some memories, anything that makes me feel non-dissociated and makes me feel like I really am ME. But to no avail, I struggle with it tbh.

I'll give that a read but over the last 5 years I've not been able to locate any 'trauma' that could account for my DP/DR.. I've had a pretty good life overall.

What you say about identity rejection I can get with, because I still have self loathing about my appearance, which I'm attempting to fix surgically, but I doubt that will fix the internal pain thats amassed over the last few years.
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Re: Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby the key master » Mon Jan 04, 2016 1:04 pm

I dont understand. How can you be confident that if I wanted to remember something I'd just 'do it'? My mind is impaired through no will of my own, I would not willingly inflict this on myself, I am not a masochist.


I was pointing to the automatic nature of your thought processes, of which memory function is an intricate part. I'm not saying that people don't actually want to remember where they put their car keys. Being able to read a book and recall every word would be a cool trick that almost no one can do, and the reason for that is not because your memory isn't photographic, but that the recall function of your mind operates automatically according to certain principles that can either allow or disallow that recall. One reason why recall is disallowed is because of the identity rejection function and the energetic implications of what it means to be who you appear to be.

Infact, I really try hard to recall events and moments from my youth on a daily basis, throughout the day I'm constantly scanning my brain trying to 'fish out' some memories, anything that makes me feel non-dissociated and makes me feel like I really am ME. But to no avail, I struggle with it tbh.

I'll give that a read but over the last 5 years I've not been able to locate any 'trauma' that could account for my DP/DR.. I've had a pretty good life overall.


Yea I never located trauma by looking for it, and I wouldn't suggest trying to recall anything with regard to accessing the unconscious or deprogramming yourself. I'm not saying regressive hypnotherapy is always a bad idea, and that from a certain angle that might seem like trying to recall things, but in reality it's a process of allowance brought about through surrender of the personal will, and not trying to remember things. Not only that, such memories can come out as incredibly distorted and provide a false picture of how conditioned experience actually unfolded, which is why I don't recommend going to a psychologist that imagines regression is always a good idea. The split mind issue is that there is something wrong with how your mind is functioning, and this may well stem from the idea that there is something wrong with you. My point is that's not true.

What you say about identity rejection I can get with, because I still have self loathing about my appearance, which I'm attempting to fix surgically, but I doubt that will fix the internal pain thats amassed over the last few years.


Ah there we are. I'm responding as I'm reading which I don't normally do. Yea if there's internal pain that has amassed, that's due to the identity rejection function which is as much about feeling as it is about some imagined identity. Noticing the rejection of pain can allow that pain to express itself. If the pain isn't conscious, it may seem like it's bubbling up from the inside, and can be experienced as a war with your surroundings and in the case of an introvert as a battle with your own mind. If you think surgery might help with your appearance or self acceptance, maybe it might. If you think your lack of self acceptance stems from unresolved conflict that you aren't conscious of, making that conscious would give more space for resolution. Of course you don't really make things conscious, you literally are consciousness.
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Re: Depersonalisation / Derealisation

Postby Midnight » Wed May 11, 2016 8:38 pm

Bump

I still haven't recovered from this. nearly 6 years and counting.
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