It all feels like an excuse sometimes

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It all feels like an excuse sometimes

Postby Admiral Akmir » Thu Apr 21, 2016 6:45 am

Sometimes it all feels like a huge lie... I've been very uncomfortable with my past self for as long as I can remember, and it feels great to say "It's not me, it's not my fault, that isn't really who I am." Lately it's all felt like a big dream to me, something to make me feel better, but ultimately not true. What if I really am all of those things? What if everything is my fault? After all, it's just a way of thinking isn't it? Why should it be any more right or wrong than the way I've viewed the world and myself up until this point?
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Re: It all feels like an excuse sometimes

Postby Webwanderer » Thu Apr 21, 2016 2:09 pm

Admiral Akmir wrote:What if everything is my fault?

It's interesting how the word 'fault' is inherent with blame and judgment. Is that really the best take on the decisions we've made based on the conditioned beliefs we hold? Beliefs that we made with the limited understanding of a child? How about instead of the pejorative 'blame' we characterize it as our 'creation' or our 'manifestation'? Taking the guilt out of our life conditions offers us a far better relationship with our life experience. One that makes the decision for change to something we might prefer an easier and more pleasant task.

WW
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Re: It all feels like an excuse sometimes

Postby sardinelover » Fri Apr 22, 2016 2:21 am

Thinking is the problem here. More specifically, time(past and future) thrive in thought - thought(most of which is unconscious) sustains past and future.

Awareness is the key.

You end time by being present. How? By being aware of your thoughts. The thoughts will quickly subside, and past and future will cease to exist in your mind.

If the thoughts generate a negative emotion in your body, put your awareness into your body and feel the emotion(s). The emotions will quickly subside.

Unconscious thinking generates a lot of negativity.
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Re: It all feels like an excuse sometimes

Postby Admiral Akmir » Fri Apr 22, 2016 5:17 am

Webwanderer wrote:
Admiral Akmir wrote:What if everything is my fault?

It's interesting how the word 'fault' is inherent with blame and judgment. Is that really the best take on the decisions we've made based on the conditioned beliefs we hold? Beliefs that we made with the limited understanding of a child? How about instead of the pejorative 'blame' we characterize it as our 'creation' or our 'manifestation'? Taking the guilt out of our life conditions offers us a far better relationship with our life experience. One that makes the decision for change to something we might prefer an easier and more pleasant task.

WW


I think what it boils down to is that I've never been comfortable with the way I acted as a kid. I feel incredibly ashamed, and as I type this I'm actually having a revelation.

Why do I want to feel guilty? Why does it feel wrong to learn a different way? Why do I feel like I'm just shifting the blame? It's almost as if some part of me wants to stay guilty and ashamed. Why? I guess I've never really thought about it before. It would feel better to let go of the pain, but for some reason I don't want to...

I know about being present, but honestly, I've been there, and found it exhausting. Adyashanti said that you can't ride the coattails of a teacher into enlightenment, and for me that's been very true. Years ago I wanted a change so bad, I tried to be present all the time and it just turned into denial in disguise. ET warns about it, all of the teachers warn about the ego taking on the role of "the enlightened one".

"I'm different now, I'm enlightened, I don't get angry anymore, I don't have anymore pain."

I'm glad that I saw it for what it was and quit trying. Not to say the teachings are wrong, they're just not something that I've really been able to apply, they're just a sign pointing in a general direction.
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Re: It all feels like an excuse sometimes

Postby smiileyjen101 » Fri Apr 22, 2016 9:17 am

I think what it boils down to is that I've never been comfortable with the way I acted as a kid. I feel incredibly ashamed, and as I type this I'm actually having a revelation.

Why do I want to feel guilty? Why does it feel wrong to learn a different way? Why do I feel like I'm just shifting the blame? It's almost as if some part of me wants to stay guilty and ashamed. Why? I guess I've never really thought about it before. It would feel better to let go of the pain, but for some reason I don't want to...

Interesting questions - what do you think you would lose if you let go of the 'pain'?

Is the pain (guilt and shame) holding up the building blocks of a bigger story - a story of the bigger you?

You are responding exactly as the character you are creating in your mind, would act.


The child-you knew no better. What would you say to the child-you?
What would love (gratitude & generosity) say to the child?
And then to the bigger you?
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
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Re: It all feels like an excuse sometimes

Postby Admiral Akmir » Sat Apr 23, 2016 7:01 am

Interesting questions - what do you think you would lose if you let go of the 'pain'?

Is the pain (guilt and shame) holding up the building blocks of a bigger story - a story of the bigger you?

You are responding exactly as the character you are creating in your mind, would act.


The child-you knew no better. What would you say to the child-you?
What would love (gratitude & generosity) say to the child?
And then to the bigger you?


I don't know. The answers feel distant and inaccessible to me at this time.
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Re: It all feels like an excuse sometimes

Postby DavidB » Sat Apr 23, 2016 5:00 pm

Admiral Akmir wrote:Sometimes it all feels like a huge lie... I've been very uncomfortable with my past self for as long as I can remember, and it feels great to say "It's not me, it's not my fault, that isn't really who I am." Lately it's all felt like a big dream to me, something to make me feel better, but ultimately not true. What if I really am all of those things? What if everything is my fault? After all, it's just a way of thinking isn't it? Why should it be any more right or wrong than the way I've viewed the world and myself up until this point?


Jiddu Krishnamurti once said (according to sources),

'Do you want to know what my secret is?' " (There are several accounts of this event; details vary.) Krishnamurti rarely spoke in such personal terms, and the audience was electrified, Dreaver recalls. "Almost as though we were one body we sat up… I could see people all around me lean forward, their ears straining and their mouths slowly opening in hushed anticipation." Then Krishnamurti, "in a soft, almost shy voice", said: "You see, I don't mind what happens."

Transcendence is all about acceptance.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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