Surrender vs control

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Surrender vs control

Postby Gazreth » Sun Jun 19, 2016 10:50 pm

So I've learned that we should surrender to life and whatever it throws our way. Accept whatever 'is', welcome and embrace it.

But here's the thing. What if you are being bullied by somebody? Should you simply surrender to it, since this is what's happening in the moment. Wouldn't surrendering to such a thing make way for further bullying.
Or, perhaps you are in a home where violence occurs. Should you allow it to happen and learn to accept it? Wouldn't this be ultimate surrender to what is happening now?

I feel like I'm missing something in my understanding because these example just don't seem right.
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Re: Surrender vs control

Postby Webwanderer » Mon Jun 20, 2016 6:10 am

The distinction is subtle but significant. Surrender and acceptance refer to the experience of the moment, not necessarily to allowing painful conditions to continue. It's wise for one to recognize that he or she might be being bullied - not in terms of it being right or wrong, but that it is genuinely happening. Then clear choices may be made on how to deal with it. It's the same with any experience, pleasant or painful, accept that it is your experience of the moment and make choices with clarity.

Any action you take (even the action of no action), has its own effect in further experience. Accept that experience too and respond with what feels best. In this way you will move ever more toward clear alignment and insightful solutions will flow your way.

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Re: Surrender vs control

Postby ashley72 » Thu Jun 23, 2016 3:50 am

Tolle says many wise things, however, at times his quotes can be too "black and white". Take for example this quote.

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”
― Eckhart Tolle


Even Tolle is prone to "All or Nothing" thinking.

Nothing is 100%, and that goes for acceptance too! You do not need to accept every moment. Every moment is different
from the last one.... the scale from acceptance to unacceptable is shades of grey... if you're seeking calmness you follow
the middle ground as much as possible... but it will always have some undulation to it... which is fine. ;)

I think a better quote from Tolle is one like this...

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”
― Eckhart Tolle


It is calmer language as it uses "sometimes" rather than "always". We all need to be mindful of language that favours extremities... otherwise we evoke the primitive part of our brain that relies
too heavily on the "fight or flight" response.
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