Wonderings around sexuality

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Wonderings around sexuality

Post by GosiaTheGreat » Tue Aug 30, 2016 12:53 am

Moderator's note: I add paragraph breaks to make this post more readable.

Hi guys :) I want to share with you my last insights about sexuality. It was my very long struggle and I would like to come up with some conclusions. I'm really curious what expierience you do have and how you see that issue.

Last year I've met my boyfriend. And it was litterally like meeting for the first time someone who already is with me... it was so obvious that we should be togheter. He came from another city and after forty minutes we were cuddling and kissing on a bench, like it was most sensible thing to do. But there never were 'butterflies in the belly', furious passion... I would even say that there was no typical attraction between us. It was just what it was. We spend togheter first four days in my city and they were just "flawless" as he named that. But after a while of being in relationship, my struggles started. Is that how it should be? Why am I not crazy about him like I was for other guys before? Why I don't die for sex with him? And so on and so on... traditional ego talking. Because it was going on and on, I became really tired.

Couldn't stop the voices though. I've shared every single thought with Zack (my boyfriend of course) but it became so expansive in a while, that he addmitted he is overhelmed by my presence. We did not break up, I just gave space to myself and him - I'm sleeping in my mother's house and we meet when we want to :) It's much easier. But even being alone now, in presence and connection with spirit seems hard - questions of the mind are coming back. They are basicly focused on sex.

From the beggining I stepped into this relationship with enormous amout of expectations, unconciously of course. And nothing were as I expected. For last year all this wanting of more were cutting me of the real expierience of my beloved boyfriend and took a lot of hard work to open to "what is". I still catch myself in giant stress sometimes, thinking compulsivley "what if that's not the one that universe meant for me? what if I come fully present and my inner voice would tell my to dump him? what if we are just not sexually compatible?"

Here comes my question to you wonderful people: do you think that something like sexual compatibility even exists?

I can tell from my expierience, that it seems like a whole, intense projection of the ego. You see... before I met Zack my most intensive sexual expierience happend with boy who was sooooooo far away from my interest. I was already on my "spiritual path" and I've met my old friend. We never ever were 'compatible' in any way - different ideas of life, different interests and frankly I always found him way to strenuous. He was trying to get intimate in the beggining of meeting and I just put everything clearly, in very caring and gentle way, that I don't want to get too close anymore with somebody I don't love fully, trust deeply and want to make a connection with. He was so deeply touched with my words, he cried.

We were chatting whole night at my house. Not in romantic way, just about all silly stuff that are around. In the morning however, I certainly was physiclly tired (we talked whole night long) and felt arising sexual tension within. I knew I don't want to do anything, but it was getting stronger and stronger. He sensed it and... well, things went their way. I was like "alrighty then. let's see what will happen. no judgement". That was so... interesting. I didn't feel like that is something real, deep, meaningful... I didn't want to make the connection - I just wanted to have some pleasure, if opportunity already arised. But... I could't let him kiss me, caress me... It felt not ok. Anyway... I had 3 orgasms that day. It was so intense.

And I had a conslusion afterwards: if I can have that kind of physical expieriences with this guy, I definetly could have them with anybody else. Any other guy. I can't imagine that someone could be less "attractive" to me than him. So... what's with that whole compatibility? Isn't a good sexual life just based on well working hormones within two bodies? I was thinking laslty so much, if my boyfriend is "the one", cause I wasn't for very long time ( btw, problem is not longer a problem actually, if you know what I mean ;) ) feeling that pleasure... but it wasn't a thing of compatibility - it was a thing of my huge expectations and not being present like I used to be before.

I guess that this focusing on sexual compatibility is very very egotic. Person who finally find "the one" can say "we are so compatible in every possible way...", but it's nothing more than right working hormones and some good communication. That's all. I'm finding out that what we love to call "chemistry" is also a thing you can conciously achieve with anybody of opposite gender (if you're hetero), not a thing that just happens with one and will never happen with another. You are the one who creates your chemistry. You can just turn on somebody, when you feel tension within you.

Of course, there are people you might aknowledge as too attached to their bodies or those who energy isn't the one you'd like to get... but the rest is, according to my opinion, just egoic wanting of more and more. I know so many stories like "we are together for 8 years, we've engadged, he is so kind, so generous, so good man, but I feel not attracted sexually to him... omg I dump him and find this true love out there"... so popular pattern. But I don't believe anymore that wonderful sex is based on something that just comes itself. If you don't feel attraction to opposite sex in general, not particular people, consider this being just something come out of fear of closeness or cultural pattern, rather than your real wisdom and energy of your body. At least, when I am truly present, I relise I could relive my sexual tension with anybody and it will be pleasurable any time. And if so, going into more meaningful, tantric sexuality is also not really a big deal. You can focuss freely on just finding somebody 'compatible' to you on other levels (what is very important when you want a long lasting relationship, not one night stand) and let you sexual energy flow in the present moment :)

Any thoughts? Any other expieriences? :) I'm very very curious!

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Re: Wonderings around sexuality

Post by meetjoeblack » Sun Sep 25, 2016 2:21 am

You sound like you are over analyzing.

If things are great, why fix what isn't broken? Sexual compatibility is important. Some girls like a huge horn. Same way some guys like big boobs. Its all ego but, I suspect there is some trigger there be it environmental or from another life. It could be as simple as guys are told they like big boobs the way girls are told they like a big dick. I think there is something anatomical, mental, and physical to all the above.

From my experience, chemistry is very rare, and all the more special because of that. Desire is natural. Attraction and sexual lust is normal but, after that initial situation, it dissolves. Everything does. It starts out beautiful and then, it runs its course. Its the nature of things.

If you are passionate about a special hobby or traveling, too much, and you lose interest. If you have a hobby and you make it a job, your interest will dwindle seeing it as work. The same can happen with a relationship, with sex with the same person, and even just losing interest. Its something you constantly have to appreciate and be thankful for everyday.

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