Worst Pain body attack in a long time

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Worst Pain body attack in a long time

Postby meetjoeblack » Sun Oct 02, 2016 8:39 pm

Hi guys,

I am a bit lost at the moment and I am seeking a bit of guidance. Its a bit of a challenge and my ego is reacting. I don't know where to begin.

I lost family which set me into a dark spiral of depression. It was natural. I got over it. I moved forward. I went to school. I studied. I took drastic action to make a better life for myself. All I have come to find was a lack of fulfillment, suffering, and the realization that it wont ever be easy. I have been swinging a hammer for a long time. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I am drained. I have reached the end of the road with school and its like, "okay, now what?"

I get a job and I am constantly battling politics. I was on break and the group wanted to go on about the Trump debate. It was a series of mud slinging, tangents of complaints, and I couldn't relate to anybody. Now, I spend my time alone from the group. I am not wanted there to begin with which is made pretty obvious. People are rude, ignorant, condescending, berating me, and it has a lot to do with my character. I will read Eckhart Stillness Speaks and meditate by myself (usually in a car not openly for everyone to see me).

Its never going to be easy and I realize that. I think it is the old carrot on a string that I am chasing. I am doing my best but, the doors keep closing on me. It feels like a dark cloud that is following me despite my best efforts. I keep meditating or doing a body scan meditation. I am reading and taking a lot of action. I am not sure what move I should make next. I want a better life but this is all i know.

I am coming out of it by accepting what is. Its still seems futile at times without hope.
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Re: Worst Pain body attack in a long time

Postby Webwanderer » Mon Oct 03, 2016 6:50 am

That's a long list of problem issues. Here's what I have come to recognize. How we feel about the events and conditions of our life are a reflection of our alignment with our true nature. The more pain we feel, in all its variations, the greater the certitude that we are thinking and perceiving in ways that our true nature is not.

Pain comes not from just the events and conditions or our life, but more so from the meaning we apply to those events and conditions. In other words we create our own pain by making the stuff of life wrong and then resisting it. Look at the underlying meaning you hold of all those painful conditions you cite. Do you not believe them wrong in some way (judgment)? Wouldn't you prefer they not be that way (resistance)? I would suggest you apply a different meaning to the things that cause you pain. A different meaning will bring a different experience. You only need to experiment a few times to see the truth in this.

Feeling emotional pain is not a bad thing, it is a very good thing in that it tells us we are off track and out of alignment. There in lies the opportunity to apply new meanings, perceiving in such a way that feels better than what our condemnation of events has brought us. There is nothing wrong in what's happening to you. It's your very own creation by virtue of the meanings you give the conditions of your life. Give them better meanings and have a better experience. As your energy changes and improves your experience, the events themselves will begin to improve and better feeling events will naturally unfold in your life.

Consider, the meanings we apply affect the beliefs we hold and those beliefs are the blueprints for future experience. Again, our feelings and emotions are our fundamental guidance indicators telling us how our perceptions of events compare to that of our true nature. Appreciation of life and peace of mind, for example, indicate closer alignment. The more pain, anxiety and consternation we feel, the more afield we are from that alignment. It all has value of course. But we are natural creators of experience. One of the elements of awakening, is a recognition of this fundamental process of creation and beginning to apply that process consciously with intent and design.

WW
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Re: Worst Pain body attack in a long time

Postby meetjoeblack » Mon Oct 03, 2016 11:35 pm

Webwanderer wrote:That's a long list of problem issues. Here's what I have come to recognize. How we feel about the events and conditions of our life are a reflection of our alignment with our true nature. The more pain we feel, in all its variations, the greater the certitude that we are thinking and perceiving in ways that our true nature is not.


Thanks for the response.

I didn't want to get out of bed today. I just worked so hard and I have this reoccurring dream.
I am running away from this monster on a board (man or monster rotting). I am on a huge boat like the titanic. I am sprinting from the monster at full force. Still, the monster is walking slowly but, catching me.

Life feels like a dark cloud is catching me no matter how hard I push. No matter how difficult times are or no matter who dies and the challenges that are in front of me. Its very disheartening.

Pain comes not from just the events and conditions or our life, but more so from the meaning we apply to those events and conditions. In other words we create our own pain by making the stuff of life wrong and then resisting it. Look at the underlying meaning you hold of all those painful conditions you cite. Do you not believe them wrong in some way (judgment)? Wouldn't you prefer they not be that way (resistance)? I would suggest you apply a different meaning to the things that cause you pain. A different meaning will bring a different experience. You only need to experiment a few times to see the truth in this.


Well, I lost family. Instead of seeking sympathy, I found Tolle and took action to make for a better life. I finished school, weeks before my birthday, I was fired from my job. I posted about treachery and workplace issues. I had conflicts since some of those who I met at school and taught, they were in the field. They did not like me. I wouldn't supplicate or pander to pretentiousness. Instead of listen about Trump or silly debates, I would go to my car and meditate alone. Since I did not conform and be that, I was punished. People would be verbally abusive, comment about how I walk, talk or my clothes. It really sucks.

Feeling emotional pain is not a bad thing, it is a very good thing in that it tells us we are off track and out of alignment. There in lies the opportunity to apply new meanings, perceiving in such a way that feels better than what our condemnation of events has brought us. There is nothing wrong in what's happening to you. It's your very own creation by virtue of the meanings you give the conditions of your life. Give them better meanings and have a better experience. As your energy changes and improves your experience, the events themselves will begin to improve and better feeling events will naturally unfold in your life.


I know you are right. I felt the fabricate of ego being peeled apart. It was seeing a vision for my life and it ripped to shreds because of what reality is and the vision for my life do not align. I keep hitting the ground running. I keep pushing towards my dream and I fail over and over again. Despite circumstances, I keep pursuing my dreams. I keep watching motivation videos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc

I keep watching that. I keep failing over and over again and I keep chasing my dreams. It seems so elusive and disheartening. The video strikes emotion in me cause at my core, I give my all but I am being attacked verbally or circumstances do not align. Its so challenging.

Consider, the meanings we apply affect the beliefs we hold and those beliefs are the blueprints for future experience. Again, our feelings and emotions are our fundamental guidance indicators telling us how our perceptions of events compare to that of our true nature. Appreciation of life and peace of mind, for example, indicate closer alignment. The more pain, anxiety and consternation we feel, the more afield we are from that alignment. It all has value of course. But we are natural creators of experience. One of the elements of awakening, is a recognition of this fundamental process of creation and beginning to apply that process consciously with intent and design.

WW


Thanks. I don't know where to go from here. The feeling of emptiness is hard to stomach. I poured my heart and soul into something. I gave my gifts freely. I guess I was attached to the outcome. Now, I don't know what to do. Jobless and a student loan is a pretty shitty situation. I am taking care of my mom too. Its rough. I am looking at construction jobs. I never wanted to be a brick layer or manual laborer. At this point, i feel like my options are running out, and I can't pay the bills with visions or dreams. I keep praying. It hurts. I am aching at my core.

I wish at times like this I had my father to go to and talk about life. I can't do that. I was still fortunate to have a father. Life keeps knocking me down. I don't know what else to do but get up. It just sucks being on the floor all the time. I try to see the humor in it but, I guess I am just clumsy finding the floor so much. Sucker for punishment
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Re: Worst Pain body attack in a long time

Postby rachMiel » Tue Oct 04, 2016 2:17 am

If you are not already getting professional help for this, please consider it. A good therapist and perhaps some medication can work wonders for getting one out of a deep dark hole. I speak from experience and from knowing many with similar experiences.
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Re: Worst Pain body attack in a long time

Postby meetjoeblack » Fri Oct 07, 2016 3:07 am

rachMiel wrote:If you are not already getting professional help for this, please consider it. A good therapist and perhaps some medication can work wonders for getting one out of a deep dark hole. I speak from experience and from knowing many with similar experiences.


I don't want to numb myself to drugs be it prescription or molly. I would prefer to do yoga and meditate. Now, I have all this free time and I am doing what my dad told me. If ever I am out of work, my new job is searching for a job. I just feel quite a bit of ambivalence. I also feel like I am suffering because I followed the beaten path and it got me more suffering then I could have imagined. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am just not sure where to go from here or what moves to make. I just feel compelled and called to action.
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Re: Worst Pain body attack in a long time

Postby rachMiel » Fri Oct 07, 2016 5:41 pm

> I am just not sure where to go from here or what moves to make.

You could follow an approach that resonates with you -- traditional or neo Advaita, a Buddhist school, etc. This will provide you with a tried-and-true path to awakening, a set of teachings/teachers, a community of people taking the same path, etc.

Buddhists talk about "taking refuge" in the Buddha (our innate nature), the dharma (teachings), and the sangha (community).

You could also try asking the higher power that dwells in you for guidance. Let your mind come to rest, nice and quiet, then pose the question to your higher self: Where should I go from here? Don't force an answer, wait for it. (Might take a few sessions.) And when it comes ... if it feels right (trust your intuition) ... take it to heart and stick with it long enough to see whether it bears fruit.
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Re: Worst Pain body attack in a long time

Postby meetjoeblack » Sun Oct 09, 2016 2:13 pm

rachMiel wrote:> I am just not sure where to go from here or what moves to make.

You could follow an approach that resonates with you -- traditional or neo Advaita, a Buddhist school, etc. This will provide you with a tried-and-true path to awakening, a set of teachings/teachers, a community of people taking the same path, etc.

Buddhists talk about "taking refuge" in the Buddha (our innate nature), the dharma (teachings), and the sangha (community).

You could also try asking the higher power that dwells in you for guidance. Let your mind come to rest, nice and quiet, then pose the question to your higher self: Where should I go from here? Don't force an answer, wait for it. (Might take a few sessions.) And when it comes ... if it feels right (trust your intuition) ... take it to heart and stick with it long enough to see whether it bears fruit.


I have spent years reading self-help, ecky, robbins, millman, and a list of others. I think a lot of times its just an attempt to coop. Seek hope in some way or another but, its probably just more ego. It does not change and even if I am knocking down the obstacles that find their way on my path, more and more seem to come. Its in the form of conflict be it workplace politics, issues in school or personal life circumstances like death.

In theory, it sounds all great but, being jobless, I can't pay my bills or support family with buddhism or meditation. I am doing my best but, I am constantly bombarded with treachery. People being condescending, harassing me, verbally abusive, and just kicking up a shit storm. It would be passive aggressive or blatantly abusive. It would be psychological attacks. I have never seen anything like this before in my life and if somebody had said this, I would doubt it would happen in the workplace. Now, I am not sure where to go with my life or what to do. I am just looking at my next move.
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Re: Worst Pain body attack in a long time

Postby rachMiel » Sun Oct 09, 2016 4:16 pm

Now I get why you chose meetjoeblack as your forum name ... you are definitely going through a dark night of the soul.

Dark periods are opportunities for growth. To that end, this book might be helpful for you:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Dem ... 0316013137

Your demons are hungry ... feed them! :wink:
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Re: Worst Pain body attack in a long time

Postby meetjoeblack » Mon Oct 10, 2016 10:14 pm

rachMiel wrote:Now I get why you chose meetjoeblack as your forum name ... you are definitely going through a dark night of the soul.

Dark periods are opportunities for growth. To that end, this book might be helpful for you:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Dem ... 0316013137

Your demons are hungry ... feed them! :wink:


It is challenging. I know the importance of remaining here and now. Keep my awareness. The problem is that, I cannot pay my bills or better my socioeconomic status with buddhism or self help. I am feeling a great deal of ambivalence. In short, I have taken drastic action the past few years in hope of a better life. This is not any better then things were before. I make great strides. I set goals for myself and I reached many of them but, outside forces, people or other things set up obstacles for me.

Its been a few years now since i started coming on here. I have made quite a great deal of change personal, spiritual, intellectual, and other. I followed the beaten path. Its got me nowhere fast and worse, it created debt in the process. I need to think about my next move. I need a job being a good starter but, i do not know what to do next and where to go from here. I had quite a bit of issues come my way all of which were unfounded and unnecessary. I never did anything to bring it on myself. Its the same with some of the situations and circumstances that found me.

Its come to mind that, I do have a dream, and a purpose but, it is not where I am. I don't feel right here. Even the environment doesn't resonate. When i get to the library, i will look at the book you suggested.

Anybody know what to do to help find purpose?
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