Looking/feeling for "I"

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Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby rachMiel » Tue Dec 06, 2016 5:38 pm

When I look for "I" there is no-thing there. It's like looking at "solid" matter: the deeper you look the more the solidity goes away and you're left with ... no-thing (except, perhaps, energy).

It's different if I *feel* for my self/I. It takes a while, but I usually end up feeling a sense of ground, home, rightness.

What do you see when you look and feel for "I" ... ?
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby rachMiel » Wed Dec 07, 2016 4:21 pm

Look for "I" ... and there is no-thing there.

And yet ... going about my daily life, "I" reveals itself in so many ways: thoughts, actions, fears, hopes.

What kind of a "thing" is this ... disappears on observation, yet drives the organism?
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby dijmart » Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:06 pm

To avoid any confusion, which "I" are you referring to? I-thought (ego) or "I" AM (awareness). I'm assume you mean ego, is that correct?
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby rachMiel » Wed Dec 07, 2016 7:19 pm

All of the above, the whole kit and kaboodle of identity, of who's at home ... approached not so much by rational thought or this or that set of teachings, more by personal subjective feeling. When you look/feel for who or what "presides over" the organism of you ... what comes up? For me, a multitude of competing internal voices/personalities becomes evident at first ... but if I stay with it, look beyond the hubbub something like "the ground" seems to appear.
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby dijmart » Wed Dec 07, 2016 11:29 pm

In general, I can not find the I-thought (ego) when attention is focused on finding/seeing it. However, when attention is not clearly focused and the chattering mind starts up, then a story arises. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I'm tired, I don't want to go to work, blah, blah, blah...lol. That is recognized as the ego, but it's just a thought. I can and do frequently negate it, then I'm left with plain, ordinary awareness just witnessing, as the mind often gives up at that point and silences itself. For awhile....
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby rachMiel » Thu Dec 08, 2016 12:41 am

And if you rely on feeling ... ? What does "I" feel like?
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby Onceler » Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:15 am

This exercise (asking how it feels to be me? Frequently) was my salvation and took away fear and anxiety. The feeling of life slowly seeps back to fill the void fear left. I feel absolutely plain. I suspect people overlook it, only seeing plainness, and an experience devoid of stimulation. There is almost no sensation other than the inate knowledge I am at the center of the world. The nadir. There is no deeper. There is no core to this core. It feels like solidity, home, where everything originates . Once there, there is no reason to stay. There is a fundamental identity recognition and then a resurfacing. It's stunning how close I am. I can go there in a second. Always there, never changing, can't be harmed, can't be helped.

When I am seen there is a great undoing......no need for philosophy, practice, yearning, seeking.
Last edited by Onceler on Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby rachMiel » Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:24 am

> Once there, there is no reason to stay. There is a fundamental identity recognition and then a resurfacing.

Yeah this is my experience too. I don't think I *could* stay with that feeling, even if I wanted to. For me the feeling is solid, but the getting there is fragile. It's like the moment you make an effort to capture or hold onto it ... it's gone.
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby dijmart » Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:31 am

I wrote this in another thread today-

"Personally, when attention is shifted inward (awareness channel) there is a feeling of diving in deeper and expanding aware focus and becoming the Witness, more so then usual. Where as outward (the "apparent" person channel) feels like a stepping out from center and with contracted focus, concentration and/or relaxed interest, in objects.

So, at any time my attention is on the " apparent person" channel, I can at will switch to the "awareness" channel for clarity, reprieve or to allow an emotion, thought or feeling to pass that doesn't need any action or further analysis."
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby Onceler » Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:33 am

Yeah, I agree there is fragility, especially at first and then security when returning often enough. Yes, too, about trying too hard. It is simply me. Anything that is not simple and easy is not me.
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Re: Looking/feeling for "I"

Postby dijmart » Thu Dec 08, 2016 1:45 am

Onceler wrote-

I feel absolutely plain. I suspect people overlook it, only seeing plainness, and an experience devoid of stimulation.


Yep! I would say, just aware.....all I really know is I exist and I'm aware. Everything else, comes and goes.
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