Read all three books - feel much worse.

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Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby ozgoz79 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 12:27 pm

Hi all 

Like most of you I am sure, I’ve always pondered the big questions, even as a young kid I remember thinking that time wasn’t real.

I’ve always known I was mortal, and of course feared death – but didn’t give it excessive thought. My biggest fear was always an operation – loss of control going under the knife etc.

I don’t have that fear anymore since I have be learning about the fraud and fear system installed by the pharmaceutical industry etc.

My question is this – since reading all three of Eckhart’s books, and starting a course in miracles, it has put death on the forefront of my mind, and I feel a continual fear in me about it, often accompanied by physical feelings of dread.

I am not scared for myself, I am scared for my 3 and 1 year old children. They are so pure, innocent and vulnerable and the thought of mine and their consciousness ever separating from this realm is making me feel terrible.

It has gotten to the point where even when I am in the gym – I am a keen powerlifter/bodybuilder, I am under the bar squatting 315lbs and afterwards I don’t feel high on serotonin like everyone else, ripe with accomplishment, I feel utterly dreadful as the emotional fear is mixed in with physical pain from the exercise.

What is happening to me?
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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Jan 03, 2017 3:11 pm

Welcome to the forum.

What do you imagine happens at death? What is your perception of the larger reality? Get more clarity on this and it should help with your concerns.

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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby ozgoz79 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 7:28 pm

Thank you.

I am not sure exactly what I think happens at death - maybe terrible pain - or slipping into sleep (at best) or the loss of physical control (terrifying). Or perhaps a helpless sense of loss of 'I'll never see you again' to my children. I guess I am superimposing this fear onto them as they are now, 3 and 1. If they were 50 years old they would obviously handle it better.

I guess what is really happening to me, is since I've had children, it has evoked a powerful sense of fear and loss in me, which I would not be experiencing if I hadn't had them. I guess this really just reveals some deep psychological problems within myself, from my childhood. This is just exacerbated because I have started to immerse myself in spirituality.

My perception of the larger reality……… I now believe that the source birthed us so it can be aware of itself, and we are free to enjoy the world of form as a bonus. And then we return back to the source, if we have disidentified with form enough. However, because I don't know what will happen to my children's consciousness, and if I will feel their consciousness in the next realm, that is what I am afraid of.

Thank you.
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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby dijmart » Tue Jan 03, 2017 9:27 pm

I am not scared for myself, I am scared for my 3 and 1 year old children. They are so pure, innocent and vulnerable and the thought of mine and their consciousness ever separating from this realm is making me feel terrible.


Your consciousness is non-seperate from their consciousness, as there is only one conciousness (awareness). So, your referring to the seemingly separate body/minds, which arise within awareness.

Your children "seem" to be "your" children, however the same "higher power" (Isvara or God) that brought you into this world, brought them into this world also.

You are their caretaker, for sure, but they don't "belong" to you and if you were physically seperated by death, they would be fine. Getting out of your "fear" is by trusting that "they would be fine" without you.

I've had 2 nieces and 1 nephew (2 different families) all under the age of 3 years old, who had a parent die, (my sis-in-law, then my bro-in-law) after the initial adjustment and grief, they all were fine.
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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby Webwanderer » Wed Jan 04, 2017 2:37 am

ozgoz79 wrote:I guess what is really happening to me, is since I've had children, it has evoked a powerful sense of fear and loss in me, which I would not be experiencing if I hadn't had them. I guess this really just reveals some deep psychological problems within myself, from my childhood. This is just exacerbated because I have started to immerse myself in spirituality.


I suggest you do an in-depth study of near death experiences (NDE's). There are several threads in this forum if you wish to read some of the dialog's that we've had here. The value of the enhanced perspective gained from the study of these wonderfully freeing stories can't be over stated.

There are also several large groups dedicated to NDE studies. Here's two I highly recommend for their quality and depth.

http://www.near-death.com/

http://iands.org/home.html

There are several others I can recommend if you find it valuable.

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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby davemill » Wed Jan 11, 2017 3:21 am

There is no better way to return your focus to what is wonderful and joyful in life than to sit on the floor with your 1 year old or your 3 year old or both, and just be with them. Play, read, sleep, just do it where they are. Be with them. Don't talk at them, or tell them what to do, or even speak that much. Just be with them. Watch them, experience the world with them. Play.

Try it, today.

I wish mine was still one, or three, and I could do that again.
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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby ozgoz79 » Mon Jan 16, 2017 3:16 pm

Thanks guys..

I have read all the replies and taking a lot from each one.

I am feeling fine now. I think it was a regurgitation of **** by the ego as i start to work on diminishing it.

i hadn't considered that the source was one... i imagined it was still individual. and yes, i should stop imagning ;]

cheers.
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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby dijmart » Mon Jan 16, 2017 10:39 pm

I am feeling fine now. I think it was a regurgitation of **** by the ego as i start to work on diminishing it.


I'm glad your feeling better, however the ego itself isn't going to be diminished or destroyed, it can only be seen for what it is.... With understanding your true nature, as awareness, one's immature ego, can become a mature ego, which is more pleasant to tolerate, but it's still an ego.

Ego simply is the I-thought, it thinks it's real, but it's just a thought (object). On inquiry it vanishes and all that's left is spacious awareness. However, to transact normal business through out the day ego is necessary. So, it can not diminish, dissolve or be destroyed...if it could, we wouldnt be able to walk, talk or anything else.

When Tolle says he doesn't have an ego...he's referring to the psychological ego with its torturous, negative self talk that his ego use to do. It would be more accurate for him to say his ego is now "mature" and knows it place within the grand scheme of this nondual reality.

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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby sardinelover » Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:52 am

OP, I think that Tolle has written over 10 books. Which 3 did you read?
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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby borris83 » Fri Feb 03, 2017 6:21 pm

OP, I think that Tolle has written over 10 books. Which 3 did you read?


I can only see two books listed in his website... But to my knowledge, it is five books...It would be nice if there are 5 more books of him to read.. He could transcribe his discourses and publish them but I don't think it has been done yet..
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Re: Read all three books - feel much worse.

Postby maaref » Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:48 pm

Lift like you always have. Even if you don't feel you have the same energy. You would be surprised that how your strength would actually increase as you get accustomed with the new energy. If you are awakened, motivation, likes and dislikes would mean less to you. Thus, having a positive attitude/reason for training is a must. Let it be selfless, rather then egoistic reasons.

As of your fears of your children after death, I would say, would it help to fear one way or another? Its natural for parents to worry about their childen. They feel connected, attached and responsible. But most often parents get too attached and identify with their role, it kind of effects the child in ways they do not see. Better to provide children with love, support, guidance and security without investing too much emotionally not to be dependent and needy of them. It would allow for better judgement and farther foresight when making decisions that effects them. Oh and the love would be much more pure and natural too (since there would be no fear and expectations).

To be free of attachment, would also mean you are not attached to this life itself. Death would mean nothing big for you. No matter what you believe in. Because life is non-dual and you are one awareness with your kids as with everyone and everything. The fun part is that you can know that and still enjoy the experience of forms and objects as you pointed out in the earlier post. Just have good intentions in heart and follow the truth where ever it leads you.
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