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Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2017 12:09 am
by athena777
I love silence. I love mindfulness. I love being in the house.

Whenever I got outside I have to do tons of talking. That leads to tons of negative mental chatter. I also just don't much like people.

I wish I could just not talk outside but if someone talks to me, I have to talk to not be rude. I'm considering spending most of my time indoors to resolve this.

What do you think?

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2017 9:15 pm
by Ntwarr76
Yes. So much this. When I am at home alone, I can easily get in a very peaceful mood. Then stupid life happens. I have to go to work and deal with people. Both are very stressful.

No one cares about spiritual stuff or character in the real world. All they care about is cars, money and status. Basically work is life for them. Can't they see how ridiculous it all is?! Their identities are all wrapped up in such tangible things.

/end rant

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 12:01 am
by turiya
Find the one that is undisturbable. :wink:

Mooji - Leave everybody, including yourself:

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2017 4:00 pm
by steve Davidson
You asked, what do I think? Well, I agree it is easier to stay inside rather than go outside and be in the world and interact with other humans. I agree it can be very stressful, annoying, time consuming, disturbing, chatterful, etc. However, I also see the danger to always staying inside and not experiencing interaction with others, isolating oneself too much.

It seems at times it is very helpful to stay in solitude and work on yourself, at least in the beginning or for a certain period of time. Also, it seems helpful to eventually go out there and put into practice what you learned from your solitude and aloneness. Without being tempted, temptations, testing it out, it is only theory and not real for you. A man or woman not tempted is not proved.

Most spiritual paths recommend spending some alone time to work on yourselves, but once we are further along in our development, they say whether one is alone at home or in the forest (metaphor for alone and quiet), or whether one is in the marketplace (metaphor for noise and crowds and people) it makes no difference, ones peace is not disturbed, for one has reached a level of peace that is not disturbed, inwardly or outwardly.

Here is a quote I found from Walt Whitman that might speak to you :

“I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contain’d, I stand and look at them long and long. They do not sweat and whine about their condition, They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins, They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God, Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of owning things, Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago, Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.”

And here is a exchange between Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi and a seeker that might speak to you:

Asked 'How does a grihastha (householder) fare in the scheme of Moksha (liberation)?' Bhagavan said, 'Why do you think you are a grihastha? If you go out as sanyasi (ascetic), a similar thought that you are a sanyasi will haunt you. Whether you continue in the household or renounce it and go to the forest, your mind goes with you. The ego is the source of all thought. It creates the body and the world and makes you think you are a grihastha . If you renounce the world it will only substitute the thought sanyasi for grihastha and the environments in the forest for those of the household. But the mental obstacles will still be there. They even increase in the new surroundings. There is no help in change of environment. The obstacle is the mind. It must be got over whether at home or in the forest. If you can do it in the forest, why not at home? Therefore, why change your environment? Your efforts can be made even now - in whatever environment you are now. The environment will never change according to your desire'.

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 2:17 am
by CaiHong
Thanks Steve for those quotes I found them most helpful. Like the previous 2 posters I find some social interaction unbearable. A week ago I was coerced into going to a live performance that I clearly did not want to attend but in the end went. I became the 6 year old child, a furry ball of resentment at having to be there, refusing food, drink not applauding or wearing the hat or following audience prompts. I couldn't even get to the space of being the observer and putting my self between the my emotions and reactions I was just one huge ball of negativity emmanting the most intense negative vibes. The performance managed to encompass everything I dislike about my country accompanied by incredibly loud music and strobe lighting. When I thought about how I ended up there in the first place, I allowed my self to be bullied into going, wanting to avoid any sort of confrontation as this person was taking me there to thank me for some work I had done for her. Big lesson, next time I will speak my mind and make my position very clear. Fortunately life gives us so much opportunity to practice.
Generally I can stand back and put the space between my emotions and reactions but still very much a work in progress. I need to actually be much more vigilant when I am around people and be really present with them instead of in a state of avoidance, I tested this a couple of times and it actually worked and the outcomes were way more positive. So much preconception goes on in my head.
I have just started a new job and have just discovered the boss is incompetent and likes to shift the blame onto others to try and hide her incompetencies, I was quite shocked and enraged by this, I can't play the game anymore and it just comes out, the ego games, I have no patience for. It's quite freeing knowing this and actually being honest and to hell with the consequences feel much better at the end of the day saying my piece on the matter. Now this may sound a bit dubious but Part of me is looking forward to the next interaction to observe myself before I get blindsided.

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 2:46 am
by painBody
Great discussion here, and nice post by Steve Davidson !

I don't have much to add other than saying I agree - "Hell is other people"

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 7:19 am
by Mystic
For me, other people are not hell but how my mind reacts to other people and the world can become hell :D

"Human interaction can be hell. Or it can be a great spiritual practice." ~ Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Mon Aug 07, 2017 10:28 pm
by CaiHong
Good point mystic,
In intense situations for example where the boss creates a lot of chaos and stress around her and I can see it clearly and I really don't want to react and get caught up in the madness but I eventually do. Any advice on how to prevent my reactions. Most of us switch off and take on a whatever, don't care attitude but this is not the real situation and there is a lot of seething resentment going on. I am looking for a more authentic, way of dealing with this, one that would help the situation overall but some people are not willing or able to have an open and honest dialog so it's really all on my plate.
The other day at work I had the best of experiences, so joyful I was nearly in tears with joy, I felt so close to my coworkers it was infectious, I think we all felt it. It was important to me in that it showed me there is a better way but these are people who are open,reasonable and kind, the challenge is people who are not but saying that I can see my defenses going up even before I'm challenged.

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 7:24 am
by Mystic
CaiHong wrote:
In intense situations for example where the boss creates a lot of chaos and stress around her and I can see it clearly and I really don't want to react and get caught up in the madness but I eventually do. Any advice on how to prevent my reactions.

In chapter 2 of The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle gives some helpful explanations on how to cease creating more pain and how to dissolve the pain-body.

The present moment is sometimes unacceptable, unpleasant, or awful.

It is as it is. Observe how the mind labels it and how this labeling process, this continuous sitting in judgment, creates pain and unhappiness. By watching the mechanics of the mind, you step out of its resistance patterns, and you can then allow the present moment to be. This will give you a taste of the state of inner freedom from external conditions, the state of true inner peace. Then see what happens, and take action if necessary or possible.

I have noticed that there is a deeper source of thought that can be available when the mind is quiet. This inner stillness.

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 5:08 pm
by athena777
Can I just stay away from people and just be perfunctory with them? Is that realistic?

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:47 pm
by CaiHong
Thanks Mystic for your reply,
One think I do observe within myself is how I become defensive to unfair criticism, I make a distinction between fair and unfair, I usually am aware when I am wrong and fess up but my emotions come heavily into play, its not just thoughts, anger is a biggie. When someone is being unjust and not just to me but also my co workers and comes from the Kim Ill Jong school of management, I want to be able to deal with them from the place of presence and stillness but do I just nod politely. I also see these interactions as very important as ET points out as a place of growth and learning. I have always avoided as much as possible confrontation to my detriment and I feel the fear very strongly in my body and mind.
Athena good question, I sometimes think people are put there for a purpose and if we avoid them another one will pop up somewhere down the road.

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 4:09 am
by DavidB
Can I just stay away from people and just be perfunctory with them? Is that realistic?

Yes, of course you can.

Do that until you figure out why you feel the way you do. Be interested in the feelings that emerge. Know that these emotions are yours, they emerge from you. Know that you are allowing your energy to be influenced by others, you are giving your power away to strangers. Love yourself enough to treat yourself with the kindness you deserve and then when you are ready, take that into the world, with your innate strength and fearlessness.

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 5:10 pm
by athena777
Thank you. I know why I feel that way. It's because I have dealt with a lot of low consciousness people and I'm cautious not to sucked into that again. I think better safe than sorry. I need to go forwards in life at this point, not backwards or in circles, which can happen when dealing with drama.

Re: Miserable when I Interact

PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 10:44 pm
by athena777
I get confused. Almost all of my friends hate people. They see them as mindless followers, approval needy, and quite cruel. I have intrusive thoughts about being harassed. The things my friends say about people are an exact mirror image of the characters in my intrusive thoughts. I have also dealt with plenty of cruel, merciless backstabbers.

But when I do interact with people, they seem perfectly good to each other.

Not sure how to proceed...