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Post by Tulip54 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:00 am

Hello everyone.
I would like to ask a question to all you clever spiritual people out there.
After watching a YouTube video about a 35 year old women being single and without children I thought it was a good video. I then read the comments and the women got trashed for being single. Not just from a few but from 98 percent of the comments.
I appreciate we should look beyond form and the need to be with a partner but at the same time biologically it's harder for women to have children past the age of 35. How can there be no time and yet us women do run out of 'time
We live in a society where being single and in your 30s is really frowned upon.
I don't want to run out of time. I have been listening to spiritual teachers for a few years and am still feeling lost in this world.
I try to surrender to what is but it seems everywhere I turn there are constant reminders and I fear I cannot except being single and childless forever.
I hope anyone in the same situation as me understands what I am trying to say and has some comforting words.
Much love and thanks in advance

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Re: Single

Post by turiya » Thu Nov 30, 2017 8:35 am

Hi, Tulip54

Here is an Eckhart video clip that might interest you:

“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

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Re: Single

Post by Tulip54 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 4:04 pm

Thank you :D

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Re: Single

Post by tomtom1 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:32 pm

Hi Tulip!
I am in my 30’s and single (a guy though) and I know lots of people of both sexes in their 30’s who are still single. It’s really not that uncommon these days (although I do sympathise with your views).

1st thing I find useful is to ask myself; why do I want a partner and kids? Is this to fill a gap in your life? Is it so you can finally feel complete? Because guess what!? You’re already complete.... and if you don’t believe that now, then having a partner and kids isn’t going to persuade you of it either (although it may distract you for a while).

Secondly - do you really have any control over when or whether you meet the right person who will be your life partner and even then if you produce children? That is up to the universe/life/God (whatever you want to call it). All you can do is be open to life and to meeting people, put yourself in positions where you may meet someone. Beyond that the rest is up to life. And I’m sure Mr (or Mrs) Right will turn up just at the right time. Put your mind at rest and just trust... you have done all you can. :D

Although it may appear that your ‘lost in this life’, you really aren’t at all. In fact you are very lucky because you have woken up to the fact that there may be something else to life (most people don’t).

In regards to surrendering, things can get a bit tricky :lol:
I think most spiritual teachers put the cart before the horse in this respect. They say well the solution is to surrender and then everything will be ok. But they don’t realise that the reason they are surrendered is because they already know who they are and are totally secure in that knowledge. So surrender is almost like a side affect of that knowledge. This leaves all their devotees desperately trying to surrender. But of course the whole idea of trying and working at surrender is the opposite of what surrender is!

Why don’t you try and surrender the surrender! Surrender the fact that you can’t surrender. Accept the fact that you can’t surrender the idea of wanting a family. You may find this takes things up a level (or maybe not). Be kind and gentle to yourself. Practice relaxation and meditation. Learn to love yourself. Cultivate a peaceful mind. The rest will come :)

Sorry that ended up being a lot longer than expected!!

P.s. Find a spiritual teaching you can trust. Most of it is just like the blind leading the blind!

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Re: Single

Post by Tulip54 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 2:58 pm

Thank you Tomtom1. I have only just read your response and it has come at a much needed time. You are very sweet to reply. I was meditating but lost my way over the last few months. I do believe this will help.
You are right in what you say. I am looking for a relationship and children one because I feel that's what I should have by now and two because on one level I feel once this is achieved I will be happier.
As we know this will not make me happier. There will always be some thing else. The things of sadness and depression come and go and as Mooji says you are not the coming and going of emotions but the one who observes the coming and going.
It's always comforting to communicate with like minded people.
Would love to be free of my mind sometimes as it can be a nasty, angre and jealous enterty that drives me up the wall lol.
I also feel love and compassion so it's not all bad.
I have had glimpses of what life could be but that was a long time ago and it seems the more time has past the more I beat myself up about it
Thank you again you are very kind.

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