Done going around in circles

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bitbucket
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2018 7:27 pm

Done going around in circles

Post by bitbucket » Tue Aug 28, 2018 7:50 pm

I've witnessed the 'white light' wash over everything, I've experienced 'the dream' (that was unsettling!), I've followed the rabbit down every worthy hole. At best, there are many distinct truths, at worst, it's all chaos...just as I was told up front. Regardless, my life has slowed down to a lumbering fragment of what it used to be.

If this 'slowness' translated into peace, happiness, or even mere contentedness, I'd probably be fine. Instead, there's a part of me (you'll call it my ego) that just isn't convinced that all this weirdness will amount to anything and wants to get back to my normal stressed-out, hyper-motivated self. Every time that I think some bit of permanent peace is finally settling in, it just goes right past. It never seems to last more than a couple of days.

I really feel like I'm done with all of the teachings and games but I appear no closer to any real insight than when this all kicked into high gear. Eckhart's voice has been one of the more soothing presences in my life during all of this so it occurred to me that maybe someone here could identify with my situation and offer some thoughts. To be sure, I'm pretty jaded already. Even if someone can offer some sort of reassurance, the positive effects are likely to last a day or two and then I'll be back to what passes for normal anymore. Still, it's worth a try...

Thanks in advance.
-bitbucket

ThatAwareness
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:58 am

Re: Done going around in circles

Post by ThatAwareness » Tue Aug 28, 2018 10:30 pm

This is good that you notice your attention zipping past peace. Sit down with the contentedness, give it full attention. Know that the urge to be distracted from it is the ego's way of surviving.

What's left may be fear of losing the life and story your the ego has built. But don't be afraid, 'life' will still be there to be enjoyed and played with. Follow that peace, and be fully alert of its distractions, wish you the best :)

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Onceler
Posts: 2250
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: Done going around in circles

Post by Onceler » Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:35 am

Things started happening for me when I was in your shoes and quit the spiritual game for about a year. That was six years ago and I’ve never been happier.....or less “spiritual”.
Be present, be pleasant.

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rachMiel
Posts: 2483
Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2010 4:46 pm
Location: Pittsford

Re: Done going around in circles

Post by rachMiel » Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:54 pm

Been there! I'd wager pretty much all seekers have. You're in the middle of the river and have neither the joy of the other shore nor of the old familiar one. You could paddle back to where you started, but it just won't be the same. Things are worse than before you started seeking!
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...

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