Need Some Help... Professional Crisis and Presence

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Crisnelle88
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Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 6:57 pm

Need Some Help... Professional Crisis and Presence

Post by Crisnelle88 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 11:01 pm

Hello everybody!

You can call me Cris, I'm from Brazil, 31 years old and would really like to hear you all on this big questionings I'm facing.

(If you want to hear the story, it starts here. If not, the last paragraph is my question lol)


In 2013 I was struggling with dark and negative thoughts and recurring memories on child abuse. My mind was my torturer. Thankfully, I came across the Power of Now and it changed my life. I was able to find peace and joy and released myself from all that horrible suffering by surrendering.

After this surrender, I was immersed in a blissful state of peace and joy 24h a day. I was in a state of no desire at all. I continued to work in the office I was in just because I was there already (a job that, before this surrender, I got just to pay bills, was not related to my graduation course, I judged it as extremely boring and had low income) and I realized some things were lost: my will and ambition for a corporate career, the need for finding identity through objects and some other things.

About one month after the surrender someone found my resume on the internet and I was invited to apply for a job (team leader for a sales team that sell a marketing product by phone, in a call center) that gathered all things I wanted for a job before the surrender - team leadership, working with marketing, working for a company I admired - this, I believe, was Law of Attraction working. The income was more than the double I earned and I got the job 2 months after the surrender.

By that time, I thought the surrender that happened promoted a definitive change in my consciousness status to the awakened one - couldn't be more wrong! I was able to be present almost 24h/day for 2 months in the new job, then my consciousness state begin to lower to thought during the work hours… and I just couldn't be present at work (mostly because of the pressure for reaching targets). Since that job, a lot happened and I switched companies but worked in the same role - I was able to increase the level of presence in some activities, but was never able to maintain it for the majority of the day and the stress had reflections on my physical health.

Last year I was still underestimating the effects of not being present at work and still not being able to see that I just couldn't be present in certain situations. Some changes in the work environment made me decide to switch jobs - but, still, I just didn't know to what role to apply. I did a list of some things I wanted like in the new job like “I want an ethical manager that really want to work with me”, “I want it to be closer to my home and the place where I volunteer”, and a few days later a HR recruiter got in touch with me and invited me to apply for a job as manager of a new customer support call center. I thought this was the Universe's answer for my situation because it actually had many of the things I put in the list and I took the job (PS.: My future boss had a contact with my work a few years later and he was the one who referred me to the recruiter - I had not spoken with him for years before the interviews for the job).

Three and a half months later I quit that job on my decision after I realized I was developing panic syndrome and acute anxiety. These symptoms started to develop gradually as I had to the take a huge amount of pressure for results and had very little collaboration from the people that should do some essential tasks. Anyway, I was not able to be present at all in this role, my mind got hyper functional as I worked 10 to 12h a day in a hallucinated rhythm (it was common to forget to go to the bathroom) and my body suffered some health consequences again. As the anxiety grew and I was looking for answers on what to do, I found a ET video where he says that if you really cannot surrender at all regarding your work, it's a sign to leave (http://www.oprah.com/own-a-new-earth/wh ... ng-video_1). This helped me to take this decision on quitting and I don't regret it.

It's been almost a month since I quit the job and I had been doing my best to take care of myself, get healthy and rise my consciousness level again. I've been successful into reaching that great state of joy and peace and desirelessness - not 24h a day, but I can keep it for some hours. By the time being, I'm not searching for a new job yet, but the time for that will come very soon (I gave myself until the end of this month to take care of myself). It's clear to me now that it should be a job that I can perform in one of the states of “awakened action” as ET says in A New Earth (don't know the correct terms in English because I read it in Portuguese): acceptance, pleasure or enthusiasm. This last job helped me seeing which tasks I really enjoyed doing in the previous jobs (I could do them in a present state of consciousness) and which ones lead me to unconsciousness. But I still don't know what Life wants to create through me. Usually, the things I think with clarity manifests themselves really fast - I believe that due to the Law of Attraction - and I feel that if I set my mind for a new job, it will happen. Still, the question: which job? How do I figure out which path, which career and role? And how do I know that it's the will of Life and not of my ego?

I thank you all in advance :)

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Webwanderer
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Re: Need Some Help... Professional Crisis and Presence

Post by Webwanderer » Sun Jan 06, 2019 4:49 pm

Crisnelle88 wrote:
Sat Jan 05, 2019 11:01 pm
It's been almost a month since I quit the job and I had been doing my best to take care of myself, get healthy and rise my consciousness level again. I've been successful into reaching that great state of joy and peace and desirelessness - not 24h a day, but I can keep it for some hours... ...But I still don't know what Life wants to create through me. Usually, the things I think with clarity manifests themselves really fast - I believe that due to the Law of Attraction - and I feel that if I set my mind for a new job, it will happen. Still, the question: which job? How do I figure out which path, which career and role? And how do I know that it's the will of Life and not of my ego?
I don't see complete desirelessness as the best course to pursue in life - and really quite impossible. It seems to me a fools errand. After all, isn't reaching for desirelessness a desire in itself? How will you put your shoes on, or eat breakfast without following the desire to do so. And how will the insight for a new career path manifest itself if you suppress the very energy that will guide you to it? That you want a fulfilling job is healthy and worthy of your attention.

My suggestion is to look to those desires that feel like they serve your best interests. How they feel matters. Don't be afraid of them. They are here to serve you. Those feelings are the source of spiritual guidance. Just be discerning on how they serve. Desires are the path or our exploration of life and all its potential. I doubt you came here to sit in a cave. Tolle had the desire to share his insights with the world. Aren't we all glad he did.

WW

Crisnelle88
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Re: Need Some Help... Professional Crisis and Presence

Post by Crisnelle88 » Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:53 pm

Hey WW, thank you for the reply!!
Webwanderer wrote:
Sun Jan 06, 2019 4:49 pm
I don't see complete desirelessness as the best course to pursue in life - and really quite impossible. It seems to me a fools errand. After all, isn't reaching for desirelessness a desire in itself? How will you put your shoes on, or eat breakfast without following the desire to do so. And how will the insight for a new career path manifest itself if you suppress the very energy that will guide you to it? That you want a fulfilling job is healthy and worthy of your attention.

My suggestion is to look to those desires that feel like they serve your best interests. How they feel matters. Don't be afraid of them. They are here to serve you. Those feelings are the source of spiritual guidance. Just be discerning on how they serve. Desires are the path or our exploration of life and all its potential. I doubt you came here to sit in a cave. Tolle had the desire to share his insights with the world. Aren't we all glad he did.

WW

I guess I did not express myself correctly: I'm not pursuing desirelessness,it just happens when I'm in a deep state of presence. But maybe the word desirelessness is not the right one; by it I mean a state where I just want to be doing whatever I'm doing at the time or I just want to seat and meditate or I just want to contemplate the surroundings. It happens with it a deep peace and pleasure for just being present. But I don't feel like abandoning my life and going to an ashram or spending time in parks like Eckhart did - it doesn't feel right, like this is not the path for me. I just don't know which is my path. Where exactly should I fit in the world?

I really liked your suggestion on looking at the desires I have. I really enjoy helping people evolve and surpassing obstacles - I did this in my penultimate job as I helped them to achieve their goals. I also had the opportunity to help some people being present as I ministered some mindfulness classes, and I really enjoyed it - and I was able to be present effortlessly when I was doing that :)

Yesterday night I was at home, alone, some thoughts going on in my head and suddenly I was very quiet, silent inside. It happened without an effort from my side. From that silence I could “hear” a voice - or it could be more an understanding than a voice properly - whispering about getting a job in the training area. Did you ever had such an experience? Getting a job in the training area looks like a good idea for me.

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Re: Need Some Help... Professional Crisis and Presence

Post by Webwanderer » Mon Jan 07, 2019 8:40 pm

Crisnelle88 wrote:
Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:53 pm
But maybe the word desirelessness is not the right one; by it I mean a state where I just want to be doing whatever I'm doing at the time or I just want to seat and meditate or I just want to contemplate the surroundings.
That would be presence. There is a type of meditation called 'true meditation'. I believe this is what you describe. It's taking moments, open eyed, consciously aware and thought free. My favorite. It can be done most anytime and serves to connect consciousness to the content of the moment as it is. It seems you already know the experience. The term 'true meditation' was coined by Adyashanti and he has published a CD on it. Highly recommended.
...I could “hear” a voice - or it could be more an understanding than a voice properly - whispering about getting a job in the training area. Did you ever had such an experience? Getting a job in the training area looks like a good idea for me.
I don't hear voices. What I get are insights and clarity as I rest as best I can in clear presence awareness. My career path hasn't been much to talk about. I've been in the US Air Force, held jobs in law enforcement, security at the Cape Canaveral Space Center, and in sales of one type or another. Never made much money, but what was necessary to supply my needs always came around. It always felt some level of consciousness was looking out for me.

I think we all came to this human experience with some general goals in Mind while allowing for a good deal of freedom to explore life based on the experiences we have. It's not about successful careers, although that can be a part of it, rather it's about our growth in consciousness and what best serves those inherent goals. I'm not particularly proud of a lot of things I've done in life. But as I look at the environment I grew up in, it's not surprising I made the mistake I did. All I can do with them now is learn from them and hopefully evolve in consciousness for the effort. We'll see.

WW

sardinelover
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Re: Need Some Help... Professional Crisis and Presence

Post by sardinelover » Sat Jan 12, 2019 1:07 pm

Crisnelle88 wrote:
Sat Jan 05, 2019 11:01 pm
Still, the question: which job? How do I figure out which path, which career and role?
If you are truly present, then you will be at ease on any path, in any career and in any role.
Relax your face

Sayali
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 12:46 pm

Re: Need Some Help... Professional Crisis and Presence

Post by Sayali » Mon Aug 26, 2019 2:22 pm


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