Firstly, my apologies for creating a new thread. But I feel like I need to draw a line under what I discussed in that one and update where I am at.
All my life up until January this year, I really enjoyed being alive. I enjoyed being human. I had everything I could ever really want, apart from a real loving relationship. I understood and recognised the harsh realities of life, but I plodded on relatively happily. I tried to make the best of every day.
Tolle speaks of how someone might set forth a train of negative thoughts upon realising that one morning it is raining outside. I never got down about things like that. I can't change the weather, so why worry. Plus, a rainy day for me is a chance to either have a refreshing walk or relax inside. I never really worried about anything that was out of my control. In short, I was happy to be alive and just enjoying the ride.
But something another poster on here said in my last thread has really worried me. And the science backs the claim up, too. At least I think it does. What am I if but a bunch of particles that are constantly coming and going. What makes me, 'me'? Is it my DNA? What is DNA if not another bunch of particles arranged in a certain way?
What worries me is that, weirdly, pretty much just after I became aware of Tolle and similar teachings, I met a girl. Over recent weeks, while I have been having a bit of inner turmoil, I have been seeing her a lot and we started a relationship. The times we spent together have been incredible, and I really looked forward to seeing her.
But now I keep wondering, is she real? We are having a bit of an issue at the moment, because she is worried about getting hurt again after coming out of another serious relationship. I want to fight for her, because I do love her. And I think that she loves me, she's just a bit scared and caught up in a bit of mental turmoil. All I've ever done is try and make her happy and feel comfortable. I had the words of WW in the back of my mind a lot of the time when he told me that all we have is our experience. Well, I wanted to try and make her experience as good as possible. In doing so, it made my mine bearable.
I guess, what I am saying is, I am worried about what makes me, 'me' and what makes her 'her'. Some of you will, of course say, there is no you! But on some level, there clearly is. If we aren't humans, then why am I attracted to the opposite sex? Why do I have eyes, ears, a nose and a mouth?
I know that if I had never come across Tolle, I'd have lived a more fulfilling life even if I was 'unconscious' as you might suggest. At least then everything would have seemed real and meaningful. I'd have gone to my last breathe loving this planet, because it is a gift. But if we aren't real, then everything loses its colour...
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