What about when you don't agree

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SamiT
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2018 9:11 pm

What about when you don't agree

Post by SamiT » Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:28 pm

Hi

I'm very new to all this, what happens when you don't agree with something? And your angry? For example our rotas at work are all over the show an someone is taking liberties and I don't agree and feel I'm getting a bum end of the deal.my ego is continually complaining in my head.

Alicia
Posts: 48
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2019 2:07 pm

Re: What about when you don't agree

Post by Alicia » Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:58 pm

Well you've noticed all that, which is an excellent start and more than most people do!

But focus on the space between your breaths and pay attention to your immediate environment, something neutral like a plant outside the office window, and keep paying attention to your breaths.

You will start to feel calm and present if you are committed to doing this when you are triggered, but it will take some practice.

The thoughts and anger will pass if you don't 'feed' on them and get caught in a loop.

But like with any emotion or thought, you need to examine them from the point of awareness. What action needs to be taken? It may be that you need to calmly explain that you disagree, and the reasons why. You can do this without reacting from ego. Once you are calm and still, you can understand the situation better and know how to ACT rather than REACT. When you react with emotion, you are caught in ego, as you stated yourself. You need to train yourself to be calm and still in the midst of triggers, so you can act consciously and wisely. Easier said than done!

Just my take, I'm sure others here will have more clarity than I have.

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Fiona_W
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2019 6:43 pm

Re: What about when you don't agree

Post by Fiona_W » Tue Apr 30, 2019 9:48 pm

Alicia's right, Sami. The fact that you've observed your "ego complaining in your head" is a very good thing indeed! I also agree with all of her helpful suggestions.

If I were in your shoes, my next step would be to accept that ego and its noisy complaints, to make sure that I'm not fighting those thoughts and feelings. That's what Alicia means by "not 'feeding'" and getting "caught in a loop." It's perfectly reasonable for you to be thinking what you're thinking, feeling what you're feeling.

One way of putting that acceptance into practice is do a meditation. Start by relaxing your body and paying attention to your breathing. Then let your ego talk, let your anger have its voice in your head. You are not your ego. You are not your anger.

One image that works for me when I'm upset about something is to think of myself as an iron pot containing a hot soup of all different ingredients (meat, veggies, whatever). After witnessing my breathing for a bit, I work with my imagination to build the pot, the fire, the soup, all of it, vividly in my mind. The fire, the heat is my emotion; the ingredients are the thoughts that are stirring me up. Then I just sit still, keep my awareness focused on the image, hold over & over again the core truth that I am the pot, not the soup—as if I am containing my agitated mind, holding it. As I silently pay attention, the soup may or may not cool down; the ingredients may or may not fall apart. Whatever happens is OK. The point is to be the unchanging iron of the pot, not necessarily to alter the soup going on inside. Every time I lose the image and start getting upset again, I pull myself back to my breathing, then watch the pot of soup again. I do the meditation for as long as I want to, usually like 20-30 minutes. Then I repeat it, as needed, until I'm less upset, more accepting, more quietly able to move forward into action or non-action, depending on the situation.

Just an idea for you to consider... best wishes... I look forward to hearing more about how you're doing, Sami!

Fi

Alicia
Posts: 48
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2019 2:07 pm

Re: What about when you don't agree

Post by Alicia » Wed May 01, 2019 4:55 pm

Thanks Fiona for clarifying what I meant about being caught in the loop. I'm new to the forum and also to expressing these ideas to others so I may not translate very well.

Yes it's really important to honour the thoughts and feelings as part of the human experience - there's nothing wrong with them at all! In many instances anger is a natural emotion and might let us know we've been treated badly.

Being in stillness is also about accepting the thoughts and emotions without resistance. You are then best place to know what the thoughts and emotions are telling you, and what if any action should be taken.

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