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Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:05 pm
by Alicia
A young relative of mine (early 30s) is dying of cancer. In the last couple of weeks she has gone from talking quite normally to me in the grounds of her hospice while she was sitting in her wheelchair, to becoming completely bedridden and in a state of horrendous delirium consisting of aggression, screaming, confused about where she is, who people are etc. She is now in a state of semi-consciousness, suddenly opening her eyes at random times but mostly sleeping. She is totally unresponsive. I said to another relative that she is now 'transitioning.' I said this intuitively, but hopefully I am right.

I've sat through another relative's death from cancer just a few years ago, but his was quite different (as are people I guess). Despite my understanding from Tolle's and other teachings, I am still trying to get my head around the way our human forms deteroriate and die. How someone can appear reasonably ok (albeit ill) one day, and the next the essence of them is gone.

I suppose it's the experience of our mortality and the fragility of life. It's not an issue we in the western world talk about much is it? No one wants to think we are dying. But we all are, every second of every day. It's just more obvious when the body finally packs up.

It's a learning curve. A tough one.

Not sure the reason for my post, but just needed to put my thoughts out.

Re: Mortality

Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 9:10 pm
by runstrails
Hi Alicia,

Sorry to hear about your relative. I can highly recommend this hour long video by Dr. Peter Fenwick a neuorpsychiatrist who talks about the dying (transitioning) process from a spiritual (Tollean) perspective. It really demystifies the dying process and how we approach it. ... N4-w0GESXY

My own perspective is that the essence of your relative (and all of us) is the one divine consciousness. Nothing affects that essence. However, the body and the brain deteriorate (which causes the change in personality).

Re: Mortality

Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 9:21 pm
by Alicia
Thanks for the link Runstrails, it sounds just the thing for me at the moment so I will have a listen tomorrow. There is some likelihood that tomorrow or Thursday will be when she passes, so it should be a reassuring listen.

Yes, that is my understanding as well, that the essence is what is within us all. I guess I was speaking out of my emotions/weirdness at having a normal conversation so recently, only to see her sadly reach this stage. It is as if 'she' is gone, but I know she hasn't because what 'she was is the Consciousness that we all are.

Re: Mortality

Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 9:32 pm
by runstrails
Yes, that 'cognitive dissonance' of having a normal conversation one day and then hearing that a person has passed away another day is very strange indeed.

To quote the Bhagvad Gita (Chapter 2):

"This (self/essence) is never born, nor does it die...It is unborn eternal, undergoes no change and is ever new. When the body is destroyed this (self/essence) is not destroyed.

Just as a person gives up old clothes and takes up new ones, so does the (self/essence), the one that dwells in the body, gives up old bodies and takes others which are new.

This (self/essence) cannot be slain, burnt, drowned or dried. It is changeless, all pervading, stable, immovable and eternal.

The (self/essence) is said to be unmanifest, not an object of thought, and not subject to change. Therefore, knowing this you ought not to grieve."

Hope you enjoy the video. Dr. Fenwick himself is quite the entertaining, crusty Englishman :D.

Re: Mortality

Posted: Wed Jun 05, 2019 9:21 am
by smiileyjen101
That's beautiful 'trails. Alicia hugs in your journey through this too. My mum passed from cancer last September, she did really well until the last days too, but even knowing all that we do, it still hurts to adjust. Be kind to you. Xx

Re: Mortality

Posted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 9:27 pm
by runstrails
Good to hear from you Smiley. Sorry to hear about your mom. Yes, we are human and cannot/should not deny that aspect of ourselves.

Re: Mortality

Posted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 11:47 pm
by Alicia
Thank you Smileyjen and Runstrails, I really appreciate your understanding.

My relative died this morning and yes, like you say SmileyJen, despite knowing it what we know, it is an incredibly painful experience. Much of it for me is the fact she was young and was finally happy and settled in her life (she'd had a very unhappy childhood and many unhappy adult years too) with a loving husband. I have no idea how her husband and children will cope, and my heart breaks for them. And for her mother and for all of us as we try to process and come to some acceptance of what has happened, in our different ways.

I haven't watched the video yet (need to be in the place to do so) but I will as soon as I am able.

Re: Mortality

Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2019 1:10 am
by smiileyjen101
Heartfelt condolences Alicia, for me, the energy in the world shifts with a departure, and arrivals too. The same occurs inside us, and what we flow into the world, as you've already noticed.
How someone can appear reasonably ok (albeit ill) one day, and the next the essence of them is gone.
As well as coming to terms with the dying process, which we culturally don't talk about a lot, there is also the grieving process, which for the most part we understandably, don't seek to understand deeply, unless we are taken there many times or deeply.

What we fill that void of energy with 'matters', becomes our thoughts, our emotions, our responses to them, which creates our own energetic experience and connects in our relationships with others. The depth of emotion can totally scare us, leaving us vulnerable to wanting to fill the void with reason.

I've gone beyond 'reason' ( ;) as many here would attest lol - apologies :oops: ) and have come to notice that as in many life situations, the distance between expectation and reality is the journey we travel in grief. And as with other difficult situations the pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional. By recognising an unconscious expectation arising (usually in the 'should/s' 'should not/s' or 'I thought that....' energies) we can raise our awareness that we are at the crossroad of allowing ego to interpret and respond, or to brave raising our awareness, capacity and willingness to non-judgmentally, and compassion for ourselves, and non-judgmentally for others. As ET says, making an enemy, obstacle or means to an end of a thing, person or situation, meaning ego is creating unnecessary suffering, for ourselves and for others. Whereas acceptance - in this moment this is what is required of me (even if that is just remembering to breathe through it and honour the present moment) is the beginning of the path in consciousness.

It's interesting that somehow, sometimes, suffering (twisting natural emotions and creating avoidance, dulling, denial etc.) is preferable to nakedly standing in the raw pain, as if it coats us, in the beginning this is very normal as our bodies and brains deal with the shock. I wonder in some ways (just momentarily curious) if this is an integral and helpful purpose of our egos, giving us a beneficial break from reality.

As the protective fog dissolves we have the choice whether to, and how much to let our ego relax, recognise and dissolve the unconscious expectations, and how deeply to acknowledge, and honour, the reality both within our own life experience and without judging the journeys of others. This, imho, can be really, really tricky, and it was the most enlightening learning I had in an nde, seeing my seriously outrageous mis-take over an intense expectation-reality disconnect in my teens, and the impact it had on my choices and experiences. (although, no choice is wrong, it just brings a different experience)

My most helpful guide in understanding and becoming aware of my own reactions, now responses, in grief has been Dr Elisabeth Kubler Ross, who opened the door to exploring and understanding the death and grief journeys when everyone else begged it be kept closed, hidden, out of sight. She was a pioneer in her studies and sharing (and a seriously bad-ass psychiatrist and woman), from On death and dying, and many books to On grief and grieving - written with a co-writer as she was approaching her own death. The wisdom and sharing, particularly about natural emotions and how we distort them, in her book Death is of vital importance has increased my awareness, which feeds into capacity, which for me, ultimately becomes willingness.

This is probably too much right now, but you may like to revisit it later. Namaste Alicia.