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What is personality if you aren't based in ego?

Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2019 1:35 am
by tchest77
I have realized that my ego has developed my life's emotional reactions, and only through thinking with patience am I not based in ego. However, many times my ego just constantly takes over; when I'm aware, I can step back and just observe before saying/doing. I understand this is the process, and I'm not quite sure if I completely like being out of ego or how to find that healthy balance without loosing touch with who I am or what my personality is, or how to evolve in a healthy way.

I feel like my personality, with awareness and not based on ego, is very mature but lacks emotion. During interactions with others, I find difficulty just letting others be without judging if someone is or is not in ego, or if I am or not. At these moments I feel I am forcing myself to be someone I am not, and I go into these thoughts; maybe my ego is trying to get me to just be myself (based in ego) or it doesn't like the lack of control.

I felt that I could be fully myself, when I can just feel and not wonder if ego is present or not. I kind of loose my self (perhaps when I'm not based on my egoic state), when I can interact at neither the expense of others nor of myself, and allow patience as needed, but also allow myself to just laugh, cry, be emotional when I just need to react to what I feel. The later sounds more at peace, and I am and I am happy at these times, but I feel like I lack substance, like I'm lacking myself during these conscious states.

An example of loosing myself: Sometimes I will give a lighthearted joke, at the expense of a friend, and they may joke back or laugh it off, seems to be a rapport thing, but I get thinking, is my ego just getting attention or am I not feeling right so I joke at someone in a lighthearted way, or should I just be whoever I am and leave it up to the person who I joke about to either take it personal or not, or should I never joke like this as could get misunderstood, too many thoughts sometimes. Or another example is if someone asks me a question about my opinion about what we should do, I say, "whatever works for you," instead of giving my instinctive opinion or sharing how I feel.
I feel like in my conscious state I just loose using emotions and go into thought and it's like a little robotic, while genuine, just doesn't seem authentic and lacks feeling, lacks life.

There seems to be a struggle to just observe at times, perhaps I'm nervous or in a state of need for some reason, or my ego just wants to help to be noticed or accepted. I think my ego should have allowance to a degree, otherwise who am I without it, and an unemotional life seems bland which the ego does seem to be completely based on. Constantly thinking of if I am present, or trying to be, or noticing when I am, these are times that my emotions take the back seat, and many times I think they should be instinctive, included, and thrive as needed.

Any suggestions to allowing myself/others to just be, but also not be stuck in thought or trying to do what's right? How can I find a balance of emotion without allowing ego to be in full control?

Re: What is personality if you aren't based in ego?

Posted: Mon Oct 28, 2019 5:28 pm
by Webwanderer
Thanks for a most excellent post. These are natural questions and concerns that arise on the path of the growth in consciousness. It may be that the questions you have are more valuable than the answers that may come. Questions after all, open mind and consciousness to a greater understanding whereas perceived answers can often close off such openness for a time. After all, why ask questions that we believe we already have the answer to?
tchest77 wrote:
Mon Oct 28, 2019 1:35 am
An example of loosing myself: Sometimes I will give a lighthearted joke, at the expense of a friend, and they may joke back or laugh it off, seems to be a rapport thing, but I get thinking, is my ego just getting attention or am I not feeling right so I joke at someone in a lighthearted way, or should I just be whoever I am and leave it up to the person who I joke about to either take it personal or not, or should I never joke like this as could get misunderstood, too many thoughts sometimes. Or another example is if someone asks me a question about my opinion about what we should do, I say, "whatever works for you," instead of giving my instinctive opinion or sharing how I feel.
I highlight this paragraph to point out the risk in 'shoulds'. It's not about what we should or should not do. It's about learning from the experiences we have and the actions that we take. This human experience is a premium place where we figure out how different actions and thoughts affect the life energy that we are. That life energy is expressed in our emotions and feelings.

There seems to be a struggle to just observe at times, perhaps I'm nervous or in a state of need for some reason, or my ego just wants to help to be noticed or accepted. I think my ego should have allowance to a degree, otherwise who am I without it, and an unemotional life seems bland which the ego does seem to be completely based on. Constantly thinking of if I am present, or trying to be, or noticing when I am, these are times that my emotions take the back seat, and many times I think they should be instinctive, included, and thrive as needed.
There is much the mind can do to contribute to our understanding. It is best used as an organizing principle. But decisions are best made with a strong feeling component. We inherently know what is best. Not through logic and the mind but through how thoughts and events make us feel. That feeling nature is the language of our true nature, our larger beingness. I see it as counter productive to suppress our emotions. Rather, it is best to learn from them as guides to tell us when we are aligned with the greater consciousness that is the essence of who and what we are.

It is not uncommon when one first sets foot on the path of consciousness expansion to suppress emotions that have caused us pain. Things can get rather bland because of that suppression. That pain however, is simply a way for Consciousness to tell us there are better ways to perceive the events and conditions of our life. The path that I have found most productive and enjoyable is a path with a large component of appreciation.

The word appreciate itself means to grow in value. But in more practical terms it is the closest thing I have found to the expression of unconditional love - which is the heart of Source Being. Not that it's possible to stay in appreciation at all times in this world, but to make it a primary element in all my considerations. Appreciation is a felt commodity. To numb ourselves to our feelings and emotions also numbs us to this most valuable of sensations.

So, you are asking great questions and exploring in ways that will produce benefits over time. I encourage you to stay engaged with life and all its experiences. Don't avoid emotions, but rather embrace them for the wonderful messages that they are. And also be the observer in such a way as to find guidance in your feelings and emotions as they arise. Then such perceptions as appreciation, when made primary to all experience, will bring a joy to life that an emotionless state simply cannot do.

WW

Re: What is personality if you aren't based in ego?

Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2019 5:10 am
by tchest77
Hey thanks WW! Great guidance from you, I always appreciate it!

Take care.

Re: What is personality if you aren't based in ego?

Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2019 1:21 am
by smiileyjen101
Great questions, great response Webby :)
WW said: The word appreciate itself means to grow in value. But in more practical terms it is the closest thing I have found to the expression of unconditional love - which is the heart of Source Being. Not that it's possible to stay in appreciation at all times in this world, but to make it a primary element in all my considerations. Appreciation is a felt commodity. To numb ourselves to our feelings and emotions also numbs us to this most valuable of sensations.
Don Miguel Ruiz's notion of love might help here - he said, 'Love, is the equilibrium of gratitude and generosity'. (and at that point in his talk, I, disappeared in it.
So in taking your notion Webby, the state of appreciation - gratitude, is only half of unconditional love, and for that which appreciation is not fully enough, generosity can cover it.

The notion of equilibrium though means that all facets / elements (degrees, manifestations, what builds into it and comes forth from it) of them both, are balanced. And this state is not concerned with ego, or right/wrong, but just is with an amazing capacity to live/be fully and experience authentically.

For it is only when we lack gratitude and generosity that we can find fault with anything.

It is important to apply this love to self as well, and notice this just as much when we have fallen away from gratitude and generosity - we'll know this because we will be judging ourselves as we would also judge others.

The falling away of our egos when in love - gratitude and generosity - is anything but robotic or emotion or thought less, it's fully living in harmony with what is. (and, it's a ton of fun!). It's more childlike in wonder and immediacy, with the added benefit of knowledge borne of experience - wisdom.