Magnificence vs Knowing Why

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Magnificence vs Knowing Why

Postby kiki » Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:45 pm

A number of years ago I was at a family gathering at my sister's house when all of a sudden my sister pointed to a scene acrosss the street which was quite unusual. Everybody looked and fell silent, for all of us were seeing something that had never been seen before. Little did I know then that we all were swept up in the subtle beauty of the present moment, sharing a vision of unitary awe, untethered from our individual identities.

A half a block down were a row of maple trees, the tops of which were glowing in a way which seemed etherial somehow. I just stared in silent stillness, an inexplicable bliss filling me entirely. Then, in my case, the mind kicked in and tried to figure out just why they were glowing in the way that they did. I just had to know, so I started walking around the trees and viewing them from different angles. And wouldn't you know, that was the end of the mystery and that was the end of the silent awe that I had felt.

I wasn't satisfied with what was presenting itself before my eyes, for I had to figure out just why those trees were glowing in the manner that they were. I had taken this pristine moment and distorted that glorious scene with the egoic need to know. And with that need met that magical vision was destroyed. The silent awe vanished, only to be replaced by the mundane knowledge of how it happened. That knowledge of how it happened was a poor replacement for the experience itself.

At the time this happened I knew nothing of the reality of the present moment and how the ego's persistent need to know distorts what is. It was a lesson, when reflected on now, that was well learned. But there is also a lingering sadness that I couldn't at the time be content to have left alone such magnificence. I know better now.

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Postby lakeswimr » Sun Aug 21, 2005 5:03 pm

I have had moments like that, too. There was one which I especially remember when my son was only a few days old and he fell asleep contentedly on my chest while I was on the rocking chair. My husband came in the room and I said, "look" and we both soaked in the beauty of the moment and then I said, "I only wish I didn't have so many things to do." My husband said, "you don't have to do anything. Just sit here and enjoy this." I thought I was increadibly busy. I thought I would have plenty of times like that one. I didn't realize how unique that very moment was. (My son just never did fall asleep on me quite that same way, never again was it so increadibly sweet like that one time.) I thought my husband didn't understand what was important and I got up and put my son down and did things that now I can't remember but I will probably always remember how sweet my son was laying on my chest totally content.

The trick now is accepting that I did that and not have any regrets. ;)
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