resisting and sexual attraction

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BrahmanEternal
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resisting and sexual attraction

Post by BrahmanEternal » Fri Sep 07, 2007 8:32 am

i find it hard to accept the moment when faced with strong sexual desire, how can one accept the moment when he knows theres a place where greater happyness can be felt in this example sexual experience, or is the feeling of joy equal to pleasure of sex, i dont know because iv never experienced it, i m interested to hear what you people think.

ninjin

Post by ninjin » Fri Sep 07, 2007 10:39 am

If you gonna accept the moment I guess you would have to accept that your horny too. Denying it and not acting on instinct don't seem very Now embracing to me.

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Webwanderer
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Post by Webwanderer » Fri Sep 07, 2007 1:20 pm

It's no different than with pain. If your toe hurts do you find it hard to accept the moment when you know there is "a place", or some other moment, when your are free of pain? Acceptance and judgment are polar opposits. The presence of one is the absence of the other.

A day with a 100 degree heat and a scorching sun may seem less preferable than a temperature of 75 and a gentle breeze. One could ask the same judgmental question:
how can one accept the moment when he knows theres a place where greater happyness can be felt
Resist the present moment as it is, or make it wrong in some way from the egos viewpoint, and you separate yourself from the world (presence) in which you find your self. No experience will last indefinately. Find the essence of who and what you are and live in the space that all experience passes through.

Sexual energy is no different than any other experience. Awakening is not about what feels better, it's about knowing the truth of your own Being.

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Post by goatboy » Fri Sep 07, 2007 2:44 pm

sit just sit, walk just walk, masturbate just masturbate

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BrahmanEternal
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Post by BrahmanEternal » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:36 pm

I find this hard because of my past, i m 26 years old and i m still a virgin.
Its not that i m a spoiled child who wants everything to be perfect for him, but from a point of view most people can be labeled spoiled because most peoples limitations are far less then limitations of some other person he had to accept.
But ok lets say my limitations are out of ordinary, that i feel as 26 years old young male full of energy and desire to have fun my life seems that it was simply "cut away" from me. I see happy couples around me hugging and they seem happy. I know its important to accept and that you may see me as spoiled from your point of view but After so many years of limitations and waiting i m getting kinda crazy about it you know?

Its not the sexual pleasure i seek here, i can get this from masturbation, i want a connection with another person, i want to be hugged, you can say this is my ego craving for it. That egos want to feel loved, appreciated. But i think theres lot more to this then just that, its connection you feel, rapport, seeing other persons eyes looking at her soul, listening, sharing, empathy, so many things.

The problem is you know it can be better, pain can be gone, you can even feel good, and your stuck and stuck in this same position over and over again, and it hurts and theres always pain, and its just driving me nuts.

But again what are my limitations compared to other people?
And what are their limitations compared to some other people?

Ok i got it i need to accept this moment, does any good soul have some good pointers for this kind of situation? (i hate that word)

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Post by Seancho » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:12 pm

BrahmanEternal wrote:The problem is you know it can be better, pain can be gone, you can even feel good, and your stuck and stuck in this same position over and over again, its just driving me nuts.
There you go! You see the problem!

Look at this, look at what you are saying. Isnt your mind is creating an entirely separate mental reality? An imaginary world, something like a movie? A make-believe reality that is 'better' than your real life?

You have your real life, right here, right now, and your mind is making an imaginary 'better' life in some fuzzy future place and time. And the difference between the two is driving you crazy. You believe your real life 'should' be like the one the mind imagines.

Now which is driving you crazy, your real life or your mind? Is there anything wrong at all until the mind starts thinking up this mental picture and the insistance that it be real? Is there any pain before the 'should?'

What is your relationship to this mental reality? Could it be that you prefer the imaginary to the real? Is it possible that you believe the mental one to be worth more than the real one?

Maybe you think the mental movie to be more real than the life you are living.

Which reality do you actually exist in, the one you were born into, or the one your mind is making?
If you stop believing in fear, is it still scary?

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Post by heidi » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:43 pm

There you go, looking outside of yourself for completion, satisfaction, happiness, when all you really have to do is realize that the only place you'll be finding that is within your own being -- accepting you as you are.

I'm reminded of Woody Allen, who said:
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
:lol: Have fun, and good luck! :D
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Post by JD » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:51 pm

Seancho wrote: There you go! You see the problem!

Look at this, look at what you are saying. Isnt your mind is creating an entirely separate mental reality? An imaginary world, something like a movie? A make-believe reality that is 'better' than your real life?
I believe its called a sexual fantasy. :D
You have your real life, right here, right now, and your mind is making an imaginary 'better' life in some fuzzy future place and time. And the difference between the two is driving you crazy. You believe your real life 'should' be like the one the mind imagines.

Now which is driving you crazy, your real life or your mind? Is there anything wrong at all until the mind starts thinking up this mental picture and the insistance that it be real? Is there any pain before the 'should?'
That's all very well in theory, but I seriously doubt that you could have attained such lofty wisdom without having learned first-hand that relationships bring exquisite pain as well as exquisite pleasure - and no lasting satisfaction.

I can sympathize with BrahmanEternal's very natural desire for a relationship. It's part of our humanity and a very necessary stage for most people to experience.

But beware, BrahmanEternal, you may be disappointed! :D

The writer George Bernard Shaw didn't have a sexual relationship until he was in his thirties. He was very disappointed. He said that after so many years without sex his fantasies were so wild and intense that the real thing paled in comparison.

Perhaps this is not the place to discuss such things, but everytime I look for spiritual content on a bittorrent tracker like BitMe.org, I have to wade through dozens of "how to" audiobooks by "dating gurus", as I believe they're called. They might have a few good tips.

Try to identify the problem that stops you forming a relationship. There are a million web support forums dedicated to such matters.

Otherwise it's down to Seancho's rap, which is true enough from that lofty perspective. :)

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Post by Seancho » Fri Sep 07, 2007 7:19 pm

JD wrote:Otherwise it's down to Seancho's rap, which is true enough from that lofty perspective. :)
Ha! :D

Which is the lofty perspective, the natural 'real life' animal desire to find sex and companionship, or the tales that the mind starts spinning about how I 'must' find one to love, or my life 'shoudnt' be like this?

O Cruel fate! If only things were different! That is dreaming, and dreaming will make you miserable. See the dream, and you are awake. Then you dont have to worry anymore.

From a purely practical standpoint as a male creature seeking a mate my experience has taught me that the more I indulge my silly negative thinking and bemoan my lack of luck at love, the more desperate I become. And to women desperation is like garlic to a vampire.

The point I am making is that when you realize that things are just fine the way they are, even without a lover, then you can relax. You really dont give a shit what happens. And that, coincidentally, is just the vibration that attracts women.
If you stop believing in fear, is it still scary?

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Post by JD » Fri Sep 07, 2007 7:45 pm

Seancho wrote:The point I am making is that when you realize that things are just fine the way they are, even without a lover, then you can relax. You really dont give a shit what happens. And that, coincidentally, is just the vibration that attracts women.
Looks like BrahmanEternal's in luck.

Who would have suspected that we have our very own dating guru in the versatile babe-magnet, Seancho? :D

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Post by Seancho » Fri Sep 07, 2007 9:04 pm

JD wrote:Looks like BrahmanEternal's in luck.

Who would have suspected that we have our very own dating guru in the versatile babe-magnet, Seancho? :D
Thank you for that glowing endorsement JD. How silly, I forgot all about my previous incarnation as Love Guru! You are quite right, what our friend needs is some practical advice. Enough with the lofty nonsense!

Ok, BrahmanEternal, heres what you do: walk right up to the prettiest girl you see, fix your gaze on hers, and with a mischievous smile say,

"Im a 26 year old virgin, isnt that amazing? I am also a Seeker after Truth and Beauty. Would you like to take this opportunity to explore the Power of Now with me?"

This line cannot fail! :D

And if it does, so what? Try it on every attractive woman you meet for a week, and I guarantee that your life will never be the same. :lol:

The past is not real! Right now there is nothing holding you back.
If you stop believing in fear, is it still scary?

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Post by BrahmanEternal » Fri Sep 07, 2007 9:49 pm

I understand what you guys are saying, and its helping me feel better when i apply this way of thinking.
But lets look at it objectively, in conciousness there is a certain quality made of thoughts, feelings, sensations and moods (basically said), and lets face it certain sensations can be created only through objects, like making love to a beautiful women or beautiful object you can say. Looking at the beautiful object, experiencing it with all the senses.
Then you have moods ok this field is vague in psychology, but one can say with certainty material abundance has pretty good impact on ones mood.
Feelings, a beautiful experience to have too like when you make love to a woman and you make her happy and you feel so good - so loved, so these dual feelings can be responsible for lot of happyness but obviously for lot of unhappyness too.

Why m i writing this? To prove to you that the future ideal moment is part of human happyness, it simply cant be missed! How can i miss all that beauty? How can i just surrender to the lack of it?

What i seek and i think most of people too in this life is that perfect moment of happyness, perfect moment, what can fill my conciousness with positive energy the most?
Ok this sounds like a diary of a drug addict, but as someone put it perfectly Drugs are the problem not because of dealers and evil people who sell it to people problem is because people are unhappy, they want to find that moment of happyness, why else live ?

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Post by Seancho » Fri Sep 07, 2007 10:02 pm

Ok, so you have that perfect moment of love with that perfect woman. The ideal feeling of love and oneness. Its all perfect and beautiful in that future ideal moment.

That sounds great. Youve got it all. So what then is the problem?
If you stop believing in fear, is it still scary?

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Post by darren » Fri Sep 07, 2007 10:02 pm

So why don't you get out there and meet some women?

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Post by BrahmanEternal » Fri Sep 07, 2007 10:04 pm

Seancho wrote:
JD wrote:Looks like BrahmanEternal's in luck.

"Im a 26 year old virgin, isnt that amazing? I am also a Seeker after Truth and Beauty. Would you like to take this opportunity to explore the Power of Now with me?"

The past is not real! Right now there is nothing holding you back.
Ok and i also say "Hi i m Brahman the Eternal there is no me, no You, only The One, so how about a cup of coffee?? "lets go" look on my face..."

To tell you truth i dont care about women rejecting me , it hurts my little ego but its so slashed and thickened i dont feel a lot lately.

The problem is one big fear i think a lot of people have, its one of two basic fears, fear of insanity, fear of those inner thought forms collapsing.
Iv been alone for so long i developed these strange thought forms, i think i have some kind of schizophrenia actually i dont beleive in schizophrenia because its a myth i think, so you can say weird defense mechanism to avoid people and relationships which is a bit nicer label , so whenever i start a conversation with someone these strange though forms intrude. This is what i m resisting the most, when these thoughts come i feel some kind of strange feeling they bring (pressure) then frustrated, agitated somewhat, angry at it, angry at life.
I used to take some kind of anti psychotic for it but it only made the situation worse.

I m on psychotherapy twice a week, but somehow i hope by accepting the moment and going the path ET suggests will help me solve this problem.

But it could be chemical imbalance too in my mind i m really not too sure, because sometimes everything seems right the next moment symptoms reappear and almost always after realizing that i m not having any women any soon.

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