I found tonight that when I see this activity at work and see that I am doing it, I also automatically drop the activity. When you do the activity and are aware of it, you realize how painful it is to maintain this activity, this separate sense of self.
So what I'm saying is that a totally unconscious activity was made conscious this evening by reading this:
And then I sat still for awhile and saw for myself what it was I was doing to maintain this separate sense of self. It gave me much greater understanding in how the ego works.Quote:
Full Awakening from the dream also requires self-understanding — understanding of the activity that is the ego.
Furthermore, from the Awakened Viewpoint, it is also clear that the reason “me” seems and feels in every way to be an absolute reality — despite the fact that it is not — is because of a primal activity of separation that each of us is doing unconsciously all the time. Literally, we are re-creating our “self” in every moment through an activity of “contraction” that is something like making a fist. Whatever else you may want to say about the occasional pleasures that can be experienced within the “me” capsule, they are nothing compared to the “open hand”, the Bliss felt when the sense of separation is transcended. The primal self-contraction also creates secondary “knots” throughout the body, some of which are directly recognizable by many people, such as the “vital shock” or knot near the navel or solar plexus.
So understanding of self is a matter of observing the “self” in feeling (not merely intellectually) to the degree that the primal act, the self-contraction, is discovered as one’s activity. That discovery, which Avatar Adi Da Samraj calls hearing, then becomes one’s capability from that point on. In any moment, one can directly locate this activity and feel beyond it, transcending the sense of being a separate self.
It should be noted that the self-contraction doesn't just stop forever after hearing. The self-contraction is a deeply ingrained habit. Hearing simply gives one the capability to not enact the self-contraction in every moment. But one must still remember and choose to do so in every moment. It's an easy choice to make though, because after hearing, the self-contraction is obvious, only painful, and easy to not do.
Penetrating to the core of the ego and discovering the sensation that is the self-contraction (the sense of being a separate self) is the same as discovering that the self-contraction is one's own activity. The moment of discovery is the moment of freedom, because the instant one discovers that the self-contraction is one's own activity, one can (and will spontaneously) stop doing it. But how do I discover that the sense of separation is my own activity? I have to consciously be the one doing that activity. It can’t be something I am “looking at” from the outside.
The quote, by the way is from Adidam.