Awakening

[NuanceOfSuchness]

I'm suddenly reminded of a part of a youtube video I saw recently... (the specific part is at 3:08 thru 3:40):

https://youtu.be/F1ZwaEzMtJw

Alongside the stunning aesthetic relevance of the video you shared, how poignant is the reading at that moment in the video:

"The universal dharma door is already open
The sound of the rising tide is heard clearly
The miracle happens: a beautiful child appears in the heart of a lotus flower
One single drop of this compassionate water is enough
To bring back the refreshing spring to our mountains and rivers."

Thank you for sharing.

[NuanceOfSuchness]

Not sure how clear this seeing is, but here's how I see it:

Thoughts are little energies that emerge from and play on the surface of the ocean of all Energy.

Intuitive "feel-izations" are larger, deeper energies that emerge from and play in the depths of that ocean.

That ocean emerges out of Awareness.

I've had a fair few moments where this wholesome bodily intuition occurred and to be critical of some of those moments seems futile because truth occurs in its rawest and most organic form. It happened a few days ago whilst travelling on the tube. I was watching myself and people with a curiosity which developed into an intense awareness. I had a whole-body knowing about the transient nature of our physical forms but knew that this was not the end of the journey. I somehow knew that we continued in some odd way as another type of energy. I can't possible 'know' that as a truth in itself and so, when mentioning the contrast in conscious thinking and pure consciousness a few posts earlier, I wanted to try to filter out the sediment using intellectual intervention. There's probably no impurities though.

Sometimes I feel like that kid from the film Flight of the Navigator. In one particular scene, he's hooked up to various monitors displaying a wealth of foreign and other-worldly information. I vaguely recall the kid in an anxious state saying something like "What's going on!? is that coming from me!?"

I figure that I'll just tune-in as my familiarity develops.

[turiya]

Sometimes I feel like that kid from the film Flight of the Navigator.

That was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid!

[Sione]

Hello All, I was wondering this morning. The Awareness that is aware of our breath and Aware of our Rising anger. Does it have a Voice? Can we build a relationship with it? If this awareness is Source Herself how do we distinguish that voice from the chatter in our mind?

[Webwanderer]

Hello All, I was wondering this morning. The Awareness that is aware of our breath and Aware of our Rising anger. Does it have a Voice? Can we build a relationship with it? If this awareness is Source Herself how do we distinguish that voice from the chatter in our mind?

Welcome to the forum Sione.

To wonder if we can build a relationship with awareness is a bit out of context. I would suggest that you begin to know Awareness as your very own self. That part of us which would endeavor to build a relationship with awareness is that perspective one holds that we are somehow separate from it. We are not - accept in the experience of the belief that we are.

Rather than a relationship, I suggest developing a 'familiarity' with awareness as your own essence. Frequent moments of presence awareness, free of thought, is key to that familiarity. In time with repeated experience, familiarity will grow. Feelings of wordless appreciation of most anything is indeed Divine.

The 'voice' of awareness is more our feeling nature. That voice comes as insight (sight from within) and inspiration (In spirit). Identification with concepts and thoughts are built upon beliefs we adopt as truths throughout our lifetimes. Awakening, in part, is the recognition of this thought identification which then frees us to consider the/our underlying awareness that holds all thoughts within it.

Identification however, is not without value. It is rather ubiquitous in this human species. Identification creates opportunities of experience that would not exist if we were always clear on the larger reality - and experience is the point of this human adventure. Of whatever we accumulate in this lifetime, it is only our experiences that we maintain once we leave these bodies.

WW

[Alicia]

This is my experience of becoming more awakened to the present moment, which I thought I would share.

I studied the experiences of Eckhart Tolle and other spiritual teachers for many years and meditated on them, but they largely remained just ideas and concepts to me until about six months ago when the depression I had struggled with for much of my life just fell away. It wasn't as dramatic or instant as Tolle's, as when I look back it was a long process of letting go of my attachment to the ego and its stories and desires. The depression was like the last ditch attempt to create an identity for itself because everything else had failed. I knew about mindfulness and tried to practice it but somehow the desire to be the depressed person was just too overwhelming and I always succumbed because it was familiar and comforting - it made the ego feel validated in the face of difficult experiences. It was a comfort blanket when the world seemed too scary to deal with.

But at Christmas, after another bout of bad depression, something changed. I'd been meditating for years and becoming mindful in my daily life so I (or the witness) could see what was happening, the losing in the depression and how ill and unhappy I was as a result. The decision was made to fully accept all experiences and just observe them without resistance. My heart opened to everything I was experiencing because there was understanding that it was okay to feel bad and even the depression was understandable because it served a purpose, even though that purpose was misguided.

Since then, although I've not resisted it, my depression has not returned. There is awareness of the witness most of the time apart from obviously when I get lost in thoughts, but that doesn't happen for long. I can see how I'm reacting to people and situtions, I observe without judgement, or I observe the judgement without added judgment. I open my heart to myself and other people and even if I have a so-called judgemental thought, I observe it with compassion and let it go without further comment. Again, even the judgement is arising for a reason, whether it's past conditioning or simply the need for the ego to feel better about itself. I notice this and let it go.

There are still times I lose myself in thought and emotion, but these don't last long because I very quickly realise it. I bring myself back to the breath, practicing open awareness of that and my surroundings, and focus on being mindful of what I'm experiencing whether it's anger, grief, fear, irritation or whatever else. I stay with it without resistence. If there is resistance, I accept the resistance.

I fully realise that who I am is beyond thought or any mental images of myself. In essence I am the same as everyone and everything else; human, animal, insect, fish or plant. I am the One Life that flows through it all. Thought is part of all that, as is the ego construct; none of it is bad or wrong, it's all part of the journey back to the realisation of the Self. In this knowing, everything can be embraced.

This is my experience and although I can only know that fully, I feel I understand more what Tolle and other teachers have described, with some limitations. I can't say there is deep bliss or awareness of deep eternal love like others say, so I'm sure there is more depth to be experienced. All I know is deep peace when I rest in awareness. Whilst this more than enough, I am open to more because life is naturally an ever-changing landscape!
I'm very interested in others' experience of their awakening or simply becoming more aware.

[kiki]

Thanks for sharing, Alicia. The account of your experience is good food for others to imbibe. Once one has a direct experience the teachings of others becomes clarified and deeply meaningful. Following my first foray into meditation in 1973 I came across the teachings of Jiddu Krishnamurti and a few others like Ramana Maharshi, but I had no idea what they were talking about though I intuitively felt it was profound.

It wasn't until my breakthrough came nearly 30 years later following my discovery of Tolle that I suddenly "got it" - the self I had believed to be "me" was entirely a mental creation. When that mentally created "bubble of me" popped I no longer was trapped by its magic spell and I could simply rest knowingly in my true nature, consciousness. And when the me returned I could see it for what it actually was, just an appearance arising in the mind that I was no longer compelled to follow. It became a tool to use when necessary and it would drop away when not needed.

So, it takes direct experience rather than intellectual understanding before meaningful change happens. Once that happens insights begin to spontaneously unfold. The prior understanding one had becomes undergirded by this direct realization which then brings clarity into a much sharper focus. And in my case, revisiting prior teachings that eluded understanding was like suddenly discovering a treasure chest beyond value, but the upshot of it is this: One no longer depends on anyone or anything outside your Self for peace- You become your own teacher, your own guide, your own guru. Self/consciousness/true nature/silence is the ever-present touchstone in your life.

[Alicia]

You're very welcome, many thanks for reading Kiki and sharing your experience too. Yes absolutely, it's a moment when you just suddenly get it. All those years I read all the spiritual books I could get my hands on and thought 'wow' from a mental perspective, but I wasn't living it. I was very much attached to ideas and belief systems. The IDEA of living in the now was fab, but I didn't know it in terms of BEING it. I was mindful at times and could see I'd been lost in thought/beliefs/emotions yet again, but then lost myself in some other form(s). At Christmas I suddenly knew the stillness as the true sense of Being, and like you said, the 'me' was simply a mental construct based on thoughts and beliefs being regurgitated over and over. I could let it all go. It's so freeing!!

I spent much of 'my' life looking for peace in other people and things. I suppose most of us do. For me it was mainly counsellors/therapists due to a troubled past, but also relationships and friendships. Now I have finally realised that I am the only one who can bring peace because I AM peace on a deep level. Again, I heard this many times over many years and couldn't grasp it, the idea even annoyed me, but now I understand.

I hope our stories give some people hope that even if you don't feel you're living the power or now or really understanding it, with a genuine intent one day it will come. I spent years in therapy to build a healthier ego after a horrible past and I can see that was important too. The life experiences are the guide and everyone is on their own path and timescale.

[Sighclone]

Thanks, Alicia! You mention "the witness" a couple of times, recalling my recent reading of Ram Dass' 2013 book "Polishing the Mirror." He talks about the witness at length in there, and it's re-affirming to hear another person speak of it. I think recognizing and, for a while, identifying with "the witness" is important, and is less commonly spoken of than other sadhanas. I also think the capacity to return to witnessing (perhaps better recognizied as a verb) is a handy tool when a wave of grief, anxiety or gloom arises. The simple act of "stepping back into the witness" (Tara Brach) is a powerful way of not "denying," but also not "identifying with or fearing" the moment. The witness is neutral, but a neutral observer post is a significant relief compared to wallowing in the suffering. While I've had an awakening similar to Kiki's, there are still moments when some powerfully negative event or experience happens (like the death of my stepson.) Grief is normal, and artificially banishing negative emotions is false and futile. But a few deep breaths and resting as The Witness is a refuge.

Please hang around - your input is valuable!!!

Andy

[Alicia]

Thanks Andy I really appreciate that.

Tara Brach is great, I've listened to quite a few of her meditations on insight timer. I love Ram Dass's work but haven't read that particular book. Yes I see great value in using the term witnessing and it's helpful to my own experience. It reinforces the sense of stillness and all-embracing openness that is always there even in the face of grief or other intense emotions. Part of the process for me has always been to fully experience the emotion without getting caught up in a mental story about it, i.e sadness might lead to thoughts such as 'My life is terrible and always will be.' By the same token I can have that thought but be aware of that (as the witnessing of it) without getting drawn back into the story constructed by the egoic identity.

It's definitely good to be aware of any sense of resisting emotions and/or having thoughts such as ' I am not this emotion so I can let it go' and not actually feeling the emotion. Or using thoughts to build a whole new spiritual self and unconsciously avoiding emotions that are believed to be detrimental to that self. It's suble, but the ego can slip in through the back door in this way. I think it's what some term spiritual bypassing? Using these and similar ideas to actually avoid one's experience. Being aware and deeply honest with oneself is key. What I've realised is nothing like this is bad or wrong- it's simply the human condition. We want to avoid pain quite naturally, but it's just learning new ways that will ultimately free us from our own prisons.

[Alicia]

Wanted to add I'm sorry for what you're going through regarding your stepson. A relative of mine is only young and she's terminally ill with less than 6 months to live so I understand what it's like to experience intense grief. It's very tough.

[runstrails]

Great posts Alicia. I agree with Andy that your input is very valued.
In traditional Vedanta the witness even has a name: Sakshi. Ultimately, when we want to live from the perspective of the true self, then the only way to do it is to be the witness.

Alicia wrote: What I've realised is nothing like this is bad or wrong- it's simply the human condition. We want to avoid pain quite naturally, but it's just learning new ways that will ultimately free us from our own prisons.

Nicely put and totally agree.

I was listening to a talk the other day and the Swami mentioned an interesting story. In one of the great epics of India (Mahabharata) one of the characters (a women who has seen tremendous suffering) asks to suffer in future lives so that she can stay close to God (her true nature). I found this very interesting. Even though our natural tendency is to avoid suffering, it is suffering that allows us to awaken. As you say, its the human condition.

[turiya]

I fully realise that who I am is beyond thought or any mental images of myself. In essence I am the same as everyone and everything else; human, animal, insect, fish or plant. I am the One Life that flows through it all. Thought is part of all that, as is the ego construct; none of it is bad or wrong, it's all part of the journey back to the realisation of the Self. In this knowing, everything can be embraced.

Beautiful

[Alicia]

Great posts Alicia. I agree with Andy that your input is very valued.
In traditional Vedanta the witness even has a name: Sakshi. Ultimately, when we want to live from the perspective of the true self, then the only way to do it is to be the witness.

Alicia wrote: What I've realised is nothing like this is bad or wrong- it's simply the human condition. We want to avoid pain quite naturally, but it's just learning new ways that will ultimately free us from our own prisons.

Nicely put and totally agree.

I was listening to a talk the other day and the Swami mentioned an interesting story. In one of the great epics of India (Mahabharata) one of the characters (a women who has seen tremendous suffering) asks to suffer in future lives so that she can stay close to God (her true nature). I found this very interesting. Even though our natural tendency is to avoid suffering, it is suffering that allows us to awaken. As you say, its the human condition.

That woman shows great humility, I'm not sure if I could do that! I've suffered a lot in this life, one really big thing after another, and I've had my share of 'why me's along the way. It is only now I can really see how this pain has strengthened me and ultimately led me to this awakening. I've often said to people 'my life has been a process of letting goes'. Of course, the same is true for everyone, but not many are aware of it. There has been much loss in my life, but I am finding my self under it all.

[runstrails]

Alicia said: I've often said to people 'my life has been a process of letting goes'. Of course, the same is true for everyone, but not many are aware of it. There has been much loss in my life, but I am finding my self under it all.

Lovely and so true. Unless we suffer, we don't really surrender or become vulnerable or let go. And unless we do all that, we don't have the impetus to find our true nature.

Even after self-realization (i.e., finding out who you truly are, i.e., awareness), that knowledge may not become 'real' without some suffering because suffering focuses the mind like nothing else can!

Glad you are here Alicia. And thanks for sharing your valuable insights and experiences.