So she was looking at this piece of paper and then sat down, and I said, "Nosy, aren't we". And she said, "Yes, I'd love to know what is written on that piece of paper". Her eyesight is failing and couldn't read it. So I asked her if she would like me to read it to her and I did. This is what I read:
After I read it, she said the same thing she says every time I talk to her about this subject "I don't understand". And so I said "What it says in a nutshell is that when you know you are God, you should act accordingly". And she said "Sometimes I really don't understand you" and the subject was dropped at that point."The challenge of enlightenment is not simply to glimpse the awakened conditioned, nor even to continually experience it, but to be and express it as your self in the way you move in this world."
Later in evening, after I had driven her home, I was perusing the boards, reading different threads and posting, generally doing what I do every evening at that time.
Suddenly I realized something I had posted was egoic and I was stopped in my tracks by that realization. I wondered what to do next, I could change the post or just leave it, I decided to edit the post.
After I had done that, something else hit me. And it hit me really hard!
I remembered what I had told my mother that afternoon.
I told her I was God!!!
I had been identified with what I told her, and actually believed what I was saying.
I could not believe I had done that, I was really upset.
And that's when it happened, I stopped again in my tracks and said to myself. "Hey who is upset here?" and after I came to the realization that the answer was nobody, I also realized it was nobody who had told my mother that I was God.
The mind immediately shut down because it could not deal with this.
I went to bed later and woke up in early morning and was semi-conscious when I had the impression something was going in consciousness.
I had the peculiar sensation or thought that awareness was aware of itself for the first time.
This was confusing at first because I thought I had been aware of it for a long time now.
But then I started waking up a little more, became more aware of the situation and felt something was quite different.
Awareness aware of itself had an entirely different quality to it.
And I was deliberately thinking of something, like what is the formula for the circumference of a circle, that it's pie times the radius squared, or what is the formula for the radius etc.... Time and time again I wanted to think, because something was different and I wanted to put my finger on it.
And so I realized something is very different.
A shift has occured.
Instead of being the "little me" consciousness in the mind, a shift in identity seems to have taken place, I am now identified with the space that the mind is in.
So when I am thinking , I am actually aware of the "little me" consciousness that is contained within the space that I am.
This seems to be a really radical shift, and I like it!!!
I don't feel cramped in the "little me" consciousness that I had been complaining about the other day while I was walking in the mall.
Something else about this shift that I notice.
When I am focusing on thinking, on posting, it's as if I am focusing my consciousness in (drawing it into) the mind. When I stop thinking, I stop focusing, there is a natural expansion of consciousness back into "space" which I am, which feels like Home.
This is really new to me, feedback would be appreciated.