Thank you for your comments! I'm sure that they contributed on some level to my realisation. I knew my ego was my sticky point, so I was watching a video from some guy who was talking about the matter. And he said that we were all born with self-esteem but somewhere along the line we got wounded by our social conditioning.
When we see an addvertisement it says "By buying this, you'll be more happy, and more individual, bla bla" - which sub-communicates that we are not happy were we are at, and that their is glory to be found in being "special".
And as kids we are sponges. Pure, innocent, sponges that ABSORD anything we come accross. And the message that we often get through media and other people (e.i. => social conditioning) is that we are not good enough where we are at right now, nor are we special enough.
And isn't that what the ego is all about? Does it not try to make us "special" (this includes the victim identity: e.i. I'm so much more UNLUCKY than anybody else!). And the ego then tells us that by being special we will be fulfilled, and happy - in fact ET's tells us that by believing what he says we will be fulfilled and happy.
And so you grow a whole new identity about "I'm happy where I'm at right now... I am my god essence." I've heard about many people that were still waiting for "enlightenement" after months and years of practice. But I'm very respectful of ET as I know it isn't easy to describe being in the "Now". And it must be even harder trying to teach it -his stask is far from easy. Telling people that they are "God's essence" is only bad in my eyes in the sense where they aren't identified with their problems anymore, but their now identified with something else. The ego changes identity, it doesn't die.
What I'm trying to say is that although you aren't identifying yourself to your old egoic self anymore, you are still identified with something else than yourself. It may not be your problems anymore. But you are still something else than YOURSELF. This is why I had such a hard time understanding ET.
My internal dialogue would go as such:
Me: "I am my god Essence. I am not you!" (You refering to me old egoic self)
Then the voice of my old egoic self you comes in and sais "Look at you, you're becoming totally schizophrenic. You should really drop ET and get real again."
Me: "I can see YOU, I now I'm in my "thinking mode" and I know you are just the ego. Therefore I have brought into the light like ET said. I know totally accept you as you are. Why won't you dissolve?"
Anyway... I got really confused sometimes. My brain would just keep on going and gain momentum.
But I think I now understand what was going on. I wasn't accepting my egoic self, I was trying to escape it by identifying to the "god essence". Which was basilcally creating another egoic self, and also creating a great deal of resistance along the way.
So was what worked for me (and I hope a people can get insight out of this):
Don't deny yourself. Don't try to change yourself.
Accept your goods sides, as much as your bad sides. Accept yourself as you are right NOW.
I find that to be the key to authenticity, self-esteem and wholeness.
I hope this was comprehensible