Tips on maintaining presence?

[Epiphany87]

Hey all, my name is Nick, i'm from New York and I'm new to this forum.

I've been going through a tough last couple of weeks - my wife cheated on me and it's been a real burden.

However I have had Eckhart's words to keep me company through these real tough times and it's been really helping me through it.

First and foremost: I'm certain that I am not the content of my mind - I am the stillness in which the thoughts arise.
I've been practicing really hard to take deep breaths and watch the mind like a cat waits for a mouse to come out of it's hole. When I do this I realize that thoughts come into my mind much less then they used to. I tell myself to 'wake up' whenever a thought arises in my head and even though i'm going through an incredible difficult time with the divorce i'm going to be going through, I'm finding peace through finding the dimension of stillness within myself.

But I find it really hard to maintain that level of presence when i'm trying to live life. Thoughts always seem to enter my head, especially about my wife having sex with another man.. and then i'm sucked back into unconsciousness. Does anyone have any suggestions for maintaining your level of presence, especially when the thoughts carry an overwhelming negative emotional charge?
Thanks
Nick

[Webwanderer]

If there's children in the home then that is a consideration that must be included. As you did not mention any, I assume there is none.

Your wife made a decision that did not include you. You either accept that or make one that does not include her, that is saying good bye. Either way you must free her in order to free yourself. So long as you live with any degree of anger and judgment you will see through the eyes of ego. The only escape from such emotional turmoil is genuine forgiveness.

Consider, that Essence is not concerned with the fidelity of your wife, it is just another experience of interest. If you do not see this clearly then ego is playing a role. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just how things work when emotions and thought combine to make judgments of right and wrong. Don't blame her. That just another ego trap. She felt the need for another persons relationship, for whatever reason, and she acted on it. But like all things born of ego, there are consequences. It's okay to love her and let her go. It's your path to freedom.

WW

[Onceler]

Do what you need to do and pay attention to it. Chances are you can do no better than what you are actually doing. So don't sweat it.

Be open to grace. Be graceful.

[nathaniel1]

yeh, keep doing what you're doing. and don't be too hard on yourself if you can't maintain 'consciousness'. have acceptance of the situation, don't fight it.

this will possibly be the event in your life, that will lead you to lasting peace and consciousness. just get through this stage.

[Ananda]

Hello

Take a look here

http://eckhart-tolle-forum.inner-growth ... =10&t=6376

[Onceler]

I found the audio version of True Meditation by Adyashanti very helpful and continue to go back to it every day--every time I meditate or phase into awareness.

[heidi]

One of our members, GlowingFaceMan has written a lovely piece about that. You can read it here:
http://www.glowingfaceman.com/blog/ways ... e-present/

[Sighclone]

Nick -

You might make an appointment with the nondual psychologist Loch Kelly (lochkelly.org). He has an office in NYC. This is not an endorsement of him, and there are other nondual therapists (johnwelwood.com and others). But Adyashanti thinks highly of him, and I have reviewed some of his writings and seen a video.

Of course there will be grief and anger arising through you. You are not fully shifted, and therefore have egoic responses. Accept them. In fact, do not repress them. Their power over you will diminish -- more rapidly because you understand conceptually, and sometimes experientially who you really are.

Welcome to the forum.

Andy

[jackh]

I found the audio version of True Meditation by Adyashanti very helpful and continue to go back to it every day--every time I meditate or phase into awareness.

Agreed. I find his general reminder that "the most important part of meditation is to relax" to be very essential.

[Marcel Franke]

Hi Nick,

Somebody said something about relaxing…
That’s good.
Perhaps there is an unnecessary tension somewhere,
that you can let go of…?
A tension in the jaw, the hand, the neck, sitting uncomfortable…

A selection from Nick’s writing:
> watch the mind like a cat waits for a mouse
> the dimension of stillness

Yes, that dimension is beautiful.
And stillness is also elsewhere.
It is everywhere.
And stillness can also be seen.
When you look at an object on your table,
you can see and feel the stillness of it.

And you do not choose your thoughts, do you now ?
Otherwise there would be no need to watch them like a cat.
So these thoughts are not yours.
They just happen. Your brain has its loops.

Nick:
> when the thoughts carry an overwhelming negative emotional charge

Ok, so thoughts happen about somebody having sex with somebody.
These thoughts trigger an emotion,
( ET would say: they awaken a painbody)
the emotion triggers thoughts,
and it has an overwhelming sensation.

Still the thoughts and emotions are seen by you,
they do not make you disappear,
you still are.
You know that you are. Right ?
You know that, yes ?
You are here now,
and you need not do anything about that, it already is a fact.
Do you see that ?
You are here now ?
Please dont just accept my blah blah,.... but look.
Feel how that is....you are here now....
How is that ?

Now, these thoughts about somebody's sex just happen,
and the emotion is there.
Thoughts just race by with lightspeed.
But the emotion is there.
If you try to solve the "problem" with thinking,
the emotion will fuel these racing thoughts,
and the thoughts will fuel the emotion.
And then hell happens.

So you can just let those thoughts be.
Let them race by once in a while.
Don’t solve the emotion.
But go to the emotion.
Locate it in your body.
Where is it ?
In your little finger ? Or…?
What does it do ?
What is it really….without putting a negative label on it…?
Is it a lump, a vibration, a stretching, a shrinking, a humming, a……what is it ?
What is it really ?
Feel –it-.
Stay with it.
Give it some now.
Give it your attention.
Wait…see what happens…….wait….

[mistral]

You won't have to be mad at another when you find your Real Identity---You find your own Love and Beauty Is YOU and no one else can add to this Truth or make this One Truth any more than it is.

It just so happens that I was working on some pages that seem to be exactly in line with what might help you. Go see this essay written by my friend William Samuel---

http://www.williamsamuel.com/08-09-09-sd-liars.htm

When you read this, change the word "liars" to "cheaters" and read the story--- I think it will be bring some Light to the subject.

Mistral

[Max Power]

Does anyone have any suggestions for maintaining your level of presence, especially when the thoughts carry an overwhelming negative emotional charge?

I find it helpful to consider that the thought is just a thought, it's the emotion that makes it negative.

Emotion is the body's reaction to the thought. You can have a terrible thought, but without emotion it's just a thought like all the others.

Maintaining presence is best done without emotion.

Try it out.........have a really bad, evil thought, just think it, but don't add emotion........It's just a thought, you can observe it and understand it has no real power until you emotionalise it.

Of course you ego will hate this, because ego is strengthened by emotion.

Thoughts are just thoughts, the good and bad of them is defined by the reactive emotion added to them and other egos will aid in your reactive measure to them.

Max

[lucy]

Hi Nick,

Some very good pointers offered by members, I would just like to add that it is a good thing to remember that it is never the situation, event, or the person that causes the suffering, it is "our" thoughts about the situation, event or person. If you can remember that when you have the thoughts, you will soon see that they serve no purpose other than to trouble you, then it's easy to let them go.