Bad Day...

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jackc
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Bad Day...

Post by jackc » Tue Dec 29, 2009 7:08 pm

You ever have one of these days? I'm having one now.

The Pain Body is just too heavy. The pain is outweighing the coping mechanisms. Yeah, you know it's ego. You know to sit an observe it. But the pain is just too heavy. Sick of all this self-help psychobabble cognitive horseshat. Just... negativity. Venom. Why go on? What's so beautiful about life? It's a crock. Nothing ever works out. Temporary tricks to get your mind on track... for what? Tired of compromise. Tired of accepting. I know what happiness feels like. But "this too shall pass" is a double edged sword, and I ALWAYS end up right back here. Drained. Miserable. Stranded in the waters, crying out for help, nobody listens. I've been called the most negative person on the planet, OCD, ADD, Obsessive, Manic, Depressive, Bi-polar. I don't believe any of it. I'm just a guy with simple needs and realistic expectations. It's been like this for 35 years, what makes me think anything will change? All the books & therapy, now I'm right back here. I don't even have the energy to psychobabble my way out of this. And I am feeling sorry for myself. Nobody else will. It doesnt matter. Not like it's a choice. This is just the way I am. And I guess I'm suppose to sit on some stupid rock, listen to yani, breath and feel the wind in my f-n hair? All I really want to do is just disappear, die. If this is what life is, I really don't feel like sitting around waiting for the next disappointment. I think back to a week ago when I was on the up & up, doing all this Power of Now junk. I just feel stupid about it. Fool. Who was I to think I could find peace? I can't stand this crap.

Anyway... sorry to dump. Just didn't know if anybody else here falls back in to these dark ruts. Curious to know what you do in these situations. I obviously don't want to live like this. It just seems pointless though. Ambition only leads to disappointment. Where's the good stuff? Why is it so elusive? I would give all four limbs for inner-peace.

steph H
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by steph H » Tue Dec 29, 2009 7:57 pm

hello jackc!
um... well I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear any of the stuff your therapists and other people have told you repeated here. so im not going to repeat it.
well, sounds like you've basically given up.
Ask yourself: what do I want? What do I really want? Why do I think like this?
It sounds like the mind is crowding up all your space--
Hm.. I don't really know what to say here-- I'm sorry. But I'd advise you to do some meditation-- yes you'll feel complete and total resistance at first-- it's normal. Bare with it ok? through some time you'll feel better and you'll feel that you're mind will tone down a bit, not a whole lot, but a bit :)
and exercising. maybe you should read the thread about exercise that kiki started. It really lets you get in touch with your inner soul and you will feel better.
Exercise may seem frustrating at first and stuff-- but just don't keep on thinking negative thoughts. clear your mind when you're running or biking or swimming or whatever. take a long jog or power walk or something. When I'm feeling tired or down I exercise. You don't even have to be athletic or anything--- just exerise-- keep moving. eventually your neg thoughts will quiet down and you'll be fully present. But try not to resist exercising when you're exercising. Just do it. :)
This might be really cliche for you but you know that it's just your mind. Don't let it control you. It's not supposed to be easy! It's supposed to be extremely difficult. A lot of forum members have spent 30 some years trying and still this ego comes back. It's not supposed to go away. You're just supposed to learn HOW TO CONTROL IT SO THAT IT DOESN'T STAY AND TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED DISAPPEAR. Even ET himself will have trouble at times. It's the journey-- the journey is rough. embrace it and move on. it will come back..you ask: well what's the point? well, if this path to awakening isn't worth it then what is? no one wants to be ignorant-- but then a lot of people are.
Have you seen the matrix? if you haven't you should watch it.
You don't want to live in the matrix, jack (the made up world) what you said in your post is focusing on the past and the future. If you're in the present you're only in the state of your Being-- the most pure and essential state of YOU. try to focus on THAT. don't focus on the illusions that aren't even here. Life is spontaneous and there's no use in focusing on the future or the past. saying that it won't work= future. It never worked= past. focus on the present-- as much as you've tried before--just continue. Read some of the Personal Experiences in the forum of being in the present and the rush of energy flowing through the body-- it's the oneness with yourself you're supposed to feel. Don't let your mind hinder you from these spiritual experiences.

all the best jackc!!!!!!! good luck!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Ralph
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by Ralph » Tue Dec 29, 2009 9:41 pm

Hey jackc, I know what you mean. I'm also having one of those bad days that you speak of but 'so what '. Having a bad day is 'what is' at the moment. The problem lies when you try to change 'what is' which is a bad day into a good day. As I'm sure you have heard many times before 'this too shall pass'. In truth, all you truly have is this moment and it's appearing as having a bad day. Accept the bad days as you accept the good days. You live in the world of duality but the good news is that who you truly are is beyond that. The problem is not the bad day but your interpretation of it. What is IS and trying to change what is brings you suffering and prolongs the bad day. Why make the storm into a tornado.

It all come down to acceptance of what is. The good news is who you truly are is the observant of having a bad day or a good day. When you see the world with god's eyes (your true nature) instead of your eyes (ego mind), this will become clear.

Anyway, I hope this helps. It helped me.

P.S. the problem with seekers is that all they want is good days. :D

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Hand
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by Hand » Wed Dec 30, 2009 7:37 am

Hi jackc

Good post and good replies!

Just wanted to pick up on what Ralph said
In truth, all you truly have is this moment and it's appearing as having a bad day
- very true!!!

i.e. the 'bad' day is just a series of 'bad' moments throughout the day which are probably mixed with 'good' moments too but the 'bad' ones seem more energetic so they are shouting the loudest.

This reminds me that the next moment (or the moment you are in now) is ALWAYS an opportunity to 'turn things around' and / or to 'accept' what is happening - once you realise what is happening, you can do something about it - it is often when we DON'T realise - i.e. we just go along with it - that is when depression happens - you just get 'sucked' in and it seems like a 'rock gathering moss on a downward slope' - BUT in truth it is not like that - you can choose to stop at ANY time - you can automatically cheer up when you realise that this moment might be 'bad' but the next moment doesn't have to be.
Life is. Accept Life. Peace reigns.

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Marcel Franke
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by Marcel Franke » Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:54 am

> I would give all four limbs for inner-peace.

You don’t need to.
You are.
Right now.
You are here right now, are you not ?
Please have a look at that…
Is there anything you have to do for that ?
Is any effort needed ?
Anything at all ?
Can you deny that you are here ?
Isnt that the most simple fact…
How is it for you…please look now… what is it…this “I am here right now”…
How is it ?
Please tell…
---ooOoo---

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Onceler
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by Onceler » Wed Dec 30, 2009 4:02 pm

I have similar bad days and periods of time when the pain body is powerful and seems to take over. In fact, I am going through such a period now. Here is what I have learned so far from this, and it is a lesson.

There is a point of strength and steadiness inside me that is always there and can be depended on no matter what. This is the real me. The part that is looking for this strength and steadiness is not the real me, but an amazingly realistic compilation, artifact of a personality.

Trying to make your thoughts and emotions just so with the power of this proxy "person" is like moving fog with smoke. A ghost playing with fog. Actually this identity seems to have just enough mass to make it seem real and that is the trick. We try to support ourselves on this thin ice of thought and emotions, that will never quite bear our weight and will always break through at some point and we sink into the negativity....

There is a point of strength and steadiness that is always there. It is actually what you are using to find It. It is the looker, not what is looked at or the looking itself. Find this awareness, it is the nose on your face. It is in your head and eyes, but then it is somehow in your body as well, and beyond. It is a field that, when attuned by attention, will meet these negative thoughts and feelings and bring them into the field, into itself.

There is no set point of "enlightenment". Give that up. There is only attunement of this awareness of knowing deeply the strength and steadiness inside yourself. Think rather of one point, one step of awareness at a time. Of looking and being in this awareness. Don't try to walk on that thin ice of emotions and thoughts. It will never support you or who you think you are. The ice will never be strong enough and you will never be light enough. Just let the accumulated mass of who you think you are break through and sink. Be aware that emotions and beliefs can't touch the strength and steadiness of awareness. We believe the gurus and the "enlightened" have found a way to walk on this ice, to float above it all. They haven't. They simply don't fight it or try to change what they are thinking or feeling. They reabsorb the pain, the emotions, the thoughts into awareness from which it came, adding to their power and awareness.

Find awareness for one second. Let it go. Find it again. let the pain wash through it, it can't be harmed. It will use the energy of the pain to add to itself, in fact awareness is the pain and everything else.

Best of luck. I am right there with you. We are on the right path and doing what we need to do, finding our awareness in our pain. There are moments of clarity and moments of fog, they all seem necessary.
Be present, be pleasant.

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kiki
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by kiki » Wed Dec 30, 2009 6:34 pm

What a great post, Onceler. I really enjoy the way you write - wonderful stuff. I especially enjoyed this:
Trying to make your thoughts and emotions just so with the power of this proxy "person" is like moving fog with smoke. A ghost playing with fog. Actually this identity seems to have just enough mass to make it seem real and that is the trick. We try to support ourselves on this thin ice of thought and emotions, that will never quite bear our weight and will always break through at some point and we sink into the negativity...
I am so glad to have your contributions here.

kiki
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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Webwanderer
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:39 pm

Agreed Onceler, very well put. I sense an experiencial familiarity with "short moments".

Jackc, I was listening to an interview with Nanci Danison the other day and gleaned a useful perspective from something she said. Danison, if you don't know, is an NDE'r who had one of the two most profoundly deep experiences of life beyond death that I have ever read. (The other was Mellon-Thomas Benedict). In her dialog she was answering a question about whether she was presently conscious, in her physical form, of her normal state in the after life environment. She answered (I paraphrase) fortunately not.

This struck me odd. Why would she prefer not to remember? She went on to say that she saw that the primary purpose of living as physical form is to experience physical sensations first hand. Clear awareness from our "soul" consciousness limits the sensual nature of direct experience. In the realm of soul consciousness, every experience is mental. It takes a physical embodiment to truly feel physical sensations.

From Danison's perspective she would prefer not to remember her soul perspective while in physical form simply to increase the appearance of reality and thereby the richness of her experience - even if it meant the experience might be more painful as a result of the memory loss. Really? It seems the nature of a given physical experience is less significant than its uniqueness in isolation. Accordingly, whether experience is pleasant or painful, the best we can do for our own greater being is to embrace what's here.

It seems from a creative standpoint all experience is equally valid. She went on to say that that there is an inherent curiosity as it relates to our physical life as to just how things are going to turn out. This curiousity is one reason she chose to return to her body rather than to abandon her life as Danison.

For those who have recognized the clarity of presence beyond the identity with thought, it is possible to truly appreciate pain and pleasure whether it be physical, emotional or mental. What causes suffering is identification with, and resistance to, the experiences we have.

If you are interested in the link to the interview I refer to it is below. It's an hour long broken into 6 parts. Her comments I mentioned are in the last two segments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxrSAnpo ... re=related

Best wishes for clarity and presence.

WW

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kiki
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by kiki » Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:46 pm

Thanks for the link, WW.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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Onceler
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by Onceler » Thu Dec 31, 2009 5:35 am

Thanks Kiki and WW. I don't feel I can take credit for my writing. That post occurred to me in fragments during my morning "devotions". I had an urging, as the Quakers say, to go type it out. I represents me loosely at best. But thanks for the encouragement and for all you do as moderators.
Be present, be pleasant.

jackc
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by jackc » Thu Dec 31, 2009 6:40 pm

Wow... Thank You, each and everyone of you. Yeah, my bad day turned in to a bad week, but I'm better now. I read your replies over the week and it really helped.

I'm going out of town for NYE, about to leave now. If I had time I'd write a more proper response. But... THANKS for now! Happy New Year!

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Sighclone
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by Sighclone » Sun Jan 03, 2010 9:18 am

Onceler -

This thread has the best of your many fine posts -- thanks for being here!

With all respect to Nanci Danison, her topics of choice are only incidentally nondual. Please do not hear in this comment anything negative about Nanci. I love her and her work. She occasionally talks about her merging with Source, but much of her writing is spent discussing the "Source" out there, as opposed to the Source she experiences every day (such as we heard from our old friend Hermit Loon). She firmly distinguishes five Light Beings, even though they interpenetrate. She talks at length about powers of manifesting and things we should and should not do and expect. Her reference point is pretty much always the self, the Cartesian egoic identity which is very often subject to exposure as an illusion in our forum. She talks about "our intention in Manifesting" and how important it is. That is the egoic self, albeit the Light Being form of our separate self. With the exception of merging with Source, the rest of her experience was dualistic, and most of her seminars and videos and books have been about concepts.

She has made a large difference in my life, but tha vast majority of her writing is about messages from the Soul Plane.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Onceler
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by Onceler » Mon Jan 04, 2010 1:53 am

Thanks Sighclone. And that clarifies some things for me about Danison's work. You're right, it is about self, a self that continues beyond death...but if it continues beyond death, where does it end? It seems the message is that we experience after death what we believe in life, along with an incredible download of information somewhat tailored to our beliefs, but also meant to expand. If we die with a minimal self or ego, what happens? Straight to the source? Is the ego possible outside the human body? She says there was no fear. Robert Monroe, an experienced out of body explorer, when not dead, talks about incredible fear the first times he left his body. It seems the ego is linked to a living body somehow.

Many questions....
Be present, be pleasant.

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Webwanderer
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Re: Bad Day...

Post by Webwanderer » Mon Jan 04, 2010 2:14 am

In some ways we are defined by the quality of our questions. Bruce Moen, one of Robert Monroe's original fellow OBE explorers, spoke in depth about the value of curiosity. He even wrote a book "Voyage to Curiosity's Father", which is a very good read.

WW

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Re: Bad Day...

Post by goldenbirdies » Thu Jan 14, 2010 11:53 pm

Don't fight the negativity, accept it and live it!

I remember reading a book on watercolour painting in which I remember the line "if your painting is a failure, make it a glorious failure!"

Acceptance of the bad day or week should go some way towards finding inner peace...
David

Steal Softly through Sunshine, Steal Softly through Snow - Don Van Vliet

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