kiki wrote:Every thought that references something from "your" past or projects into "your" future is part of that bundle. Every thought that labels something as "good" or "bad" or makes any kind of judgment is part of that bundle. Every thought that references something that "you" have learned or that "you" believe is part of that bundle. Every thought that defines "you" as a separate individual from everything and everyone else is part of that bundle - these kinds of thoughts could include thoughts concerning "my" emotions and "my" sensations. These are the most obvious ones, so take note of them as they arise because each of them helps to reweave your thought-based identity, the ego, and keeps it spinning away, and with that the illusion of "you" is maintained.
Yes, I notice these. I cannot, however, feel them together as a "bundle" or as a "cloud of thoughts" that "builds up my ego". But, I guess, it will come with practice, won't it?
kiki wrote:What happens to the "me" when those thoughts are no longer playing in the mind? Who/what are you then? The illusion of you is a mental phenomenon only, and without the thoughts that comprise the illusion what's left? What's left is what You really are. Find out what that is. It has to be seen directly for yourself. I won't use a word to define it right now otherwise a whole new thought based identity can get created based on that word, so see it for yourself and then I'll leave it up to you to try to define it.
Absolutely agree and I would love to find it out for myself.
I think I overcomplicate things. I have the gut feeling that main obstacle for me is that the whole thing is so simple. "Too" simple. And I just keep looking and looking not noticing it is right there in me, right there in the now.kiki wrote:I'd slip in and out, but very quickly I became alert and attuned to when that happened so that over "time" I would be more and more present. There was a period of time when I'd ask myself, "Is it still now?" LOL! And of course, it always was now; that could no longer be denied - the realization that it always was now seemed to blast a big hole into the whole struggle to "be in the now". It was so obvious that it was always now that thoughts of past or future seemed to dry up rather quickly, and with that drying up thought stream changed from a torrent to a trickle.
Thank you, this sounds wonderful! When your thoughts are gone, or they are "faint, subtle, and in the background of awareness", do you also feel something like "you are one with everything as everything is one with the formless" and that kind of "intensive joy of being and huge inner peace" that Eckhart talks about? Do you feel that big "inner space" or "intelligence" which is a lot larger than thoughts and actually includes thoughts, which are just a small part of this "inner space" or "intelligence"? Or being thoughtless or having thoughts "in the background" and the feeling of this "inner space" or "intelligence" are two different "things" (I don't know better word - maybe "phenomena"?)?kiki wrote:I still have thoughts, but they are quickly seen to be just thoughts and not "reality"; in other words, I seldom get caught up in identifying with thought. But for the most part thought stream has reduced tremendously. When needed they come, when not needed they are gone, or if not gone they are so faint, subtle, and in the background of awareness that they are no longer distracting me from just being present.
Yes, I keep asking these questions. What I am afraid is that my ego asks and answers these questions saying "my ego does" rather than my true self. Probably (I am guessing now) that is why I don't really feel the distance between the asker and the ego. Because in my case the asker is the ego... How can I ask these questions not through my ego?kiki wrote:"The compulsion to do something, to achieve something, to get somewhere else, to get to some other time other than now," - the root problem in the preceding quote of mine is solved by investigating directly as to "who" has a compulsion to do something, "who" is trying to achieve something, "who" is trying to get somewhere or looking to the past or future for something while ignoring the present moment. That's why this kind of question is frequently asked by me and by others on this board - it goes directly to the root of every problem by exposing the illusory nature of that "who".
So when I have a thought about past or the future (as I still too often have) is it enough to notice that "I am just having a thought about past/future" or "I just had a thought about past/future"? Because, as far as I understand, trying (=making efforts) to remain thoughtless won't really work.kiki wrote:The primary Tolle teaching is that this ego entity cannot spring up without "time" - that's the power of now. And the great revelation is that it is always now! Without the psychological mechanism of the mentally created time known as past and future there is no ego. In other words, if you are simply present fully to what is, thoughts of past and future don't arise and so ego doesn't either, and while abiding in what is the clarity of what you really are becomes more and more obvious...
Yes, I understand this with my mind and it certainly does make sense and it is logical. Now I would like to experience it. (I keep remembering Eckhart's example about the word honey (the pointer) and the thing that honey (the thing being pointed at by the pointer) really is.)kiki wrote:There is no ego as such; there is only the appearance of something that is called "ego" arising in the mind, and that ego has nothing to hold itself together without thoughts of past and future, without labels or judgment (which are based on thoughts rooted in the past or projected into an imagined future).
Kiki, thank you very much for all the help you have given me so far. I hope you don't mind my many questions and hope you will answer more when you have the time and mood