How A Witch Taught Me Love

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Rick
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How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by Rick » Fri Apr 22, 2011 7:35 pm

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When I began meditating a number of years ago, I did so because I was locked into living in my house with a witch of a woman, who could control my emotions, and make me angry and upset with her oft times incessant nonsensical bitching and badgering. She could make me want to knock her out. Her regular "fits" of rage were so bad that I had to put a lock on the inside of my bedroom door to keep her out. At first I could not resist arguing angrily with her, even through a closed door. Later I resorted to wearing headphones while watching TV in my bedroom to tune out her haranguing until she wore herself out and went to sleep in her room. But it was the painful awareness of not being able to deal with this situation properly that eventually made me realize that until I got control of myself, and my angry thoughts and emotions, I could never hope to become a real man...nor find the solution to this miserable living situation I brought upon myself. So one day I began to meditate with the idea that I must learn the art of separating from my thoughts and emotions, and find the means to gain control over myself.

Although I did not like my lack of emotional control, the awareness of my lack would eventually morph into a longing for the ability to remain unmoved in the face of torment. What other alternative was there? So every morning I would awake to observe my thoughts. Soon I would grow in increasing ability to put on the armor of objectivity...and prepare myself to deal with whatever awaited me "out there" in the world beyond my waking meditation and bedroom door.

At first I only seemed to get worse but realized that I was only seeing more clearly what I was already doing wrong. This lead to tears and the deep realization that I needed Gods help. But I persisted in my meditation and began to develop a palpable growing immunity to this womans angry, jealous, possessive and hateful words and games...so that gradually they disturbed me less and less as I grew calmer and calmer. I learned to stop resenting her out-of-control behavior and began to use her antics as daily practice in remaining detached; within and without. During this time I also relearned how to speak to her, sternly at times, fatherly other times, but at all times with less and less angry emotion.

My progress did not escape her notice. The hysteria, tantrums, and taciturns she would take in reaction to my growing "calm and unemotional resolve" served to test and strengthen me because only that which is exercised grows stronger. I continued to get better at enduring her outlandishness and soon my growing `calm' had unexpected results. First, in spite of herself, I saw that she found it increasingly difficult to react badly for long...her bouts of rage became less intense, and less long lasting. She would retreat to her room faster, more often and for longer periods of time, leaving me with more and more peace. I could see that she was discovering the feedback of "pain and fear" that emotional non-reaction can wreak, and it wasn't long before she was actually compelled, of her own volition, to move out of my home and thus resolving the issue for me without effort on my part.

What I have learned through this woman was the means to stop the outside world from getting inside me; to grow an increasing immunity to emotional reactions from the outside world, and from things I can not change. This, gratefully, has left me progressively freer to put the focus within myself...to see clearer where I am and have been wrong...allowing me to passively work with God to uncover and heal the damage my early conditioning and sin have done within.

Presently, I am intently "watching" my conscious mind and yearning to understand, all the way down, "what makes me tick". I am glimpsing the origins of my compulsions and appetites...while appreciating that as long as the mind remains in the dark we can not hope to be free of it. At the same time, I am experiencing the liberation from things willingly observed in the light of reality.

I came to understand the tyranny of ALL the voices in the head...especially the ones once thought of as good. I am learning that freedom does not mean we shall never be tempted with old impulses and desires, but that temptations and impulses of some kind will always be there to test where our loyalty lay. I am learning that when it comes to temptations and impulses, we have the means within to overcome with a quiet loyalty to what we know in our heart to be right, and that simply watching temptation objectively has the power to dissolve it.

But most of all, I am discovering that living in the current moment is the most liberating thing of all. For to the degree that we are objective to, and separated from our thoughts and emotions, we live in the ever present moment where also lives Power and Grace. It is here that we become transformed, and grow in ability to successfully meet whatever adversity and trials life throws at us...leaving us free to take the most remarkable journey.
Daily life IS spiritual exercise.

braveheart
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by braveheart » Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:49 am

Nice story.
You brought some peace into this world.
Thank you

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smiileyjen101
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by smiileyjen101 » Sat Apr 23, 2011 2:25 am

I have to admit a 'niggle'.

Why would you label another human being a witch for these expressions of their being?

And, how can this be proof that she taught you love? -
What I have learned through this woman was the means to stop the outside world from getting inside me; to grow an increasing immunity to emotional reactions from the outside world, and from things I can not change.
I must also admit, your 'headline' created an 'expectation' in me that turned out not to be the reality of your post, the disappointment is mine, not yours.

I have to also admit, 'witch' is a label that I likely do not see as you do, having an ancestor so called and burned at the stake as such for her powers of insight and healing.

I wonder if you could express the 'love' you learned for and through this fellow human being.
Do you feel oneness with her, rather than separation?
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com

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Rick
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by Rick » Sat Apr 23, 2011 3:30 am

The title really speaks of how I saw her before she became the object of my meditation.

She was a witch only until I realized that she was God in disguise.
Daily life IS spiritual exercise.

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smiileyjen101
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by smiileyjen101 » Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:30 am

She was a witch only until I realized that she was God in disguise
:shock: now that, I feel, is love expressed.

Does she know this? That she is God in your heart now? Forgive me if I'm intruding.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com

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Rick
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by Rick » Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:43 am

Last time I spoke to her was over 2 years ago. I spoke meaningfully to her. She seemed to understand some things. I've married since then and have not had contact with her. I hope and pray she finds the purpose for which she was born.
Daily life IS spiritual exercise.

snowheight
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by snowheight » Sat Apr 23, 2011 6:55 am

Rick,

The lead up to your practice must have been harder than describing it, but I recognize that relating that did take some courage.

There are many who've written here about how it is the relationships in their lives that seem to draw them out of presence, also many here relate how a horrendous episode of suffering presaged their discovery and use of Tolle's teachings.

Just out of curiosity, since she left have you every tried to empathize with her position, no matter how outrageous it might have and still might seem to you .. have you ever tried to put yourself in her shoes?

I wish you well on your journey of self-enquiry.

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smiileyjen101 wrote:I must also admit, your 'headline' created an 'expectation' in me that turned out not to be the reality of your post, the disappointment is mine, not yours.
:lol: ... dude 'jen saw that headline and thought you were a like Wiccan or sumthin' ... :lol:
Stop talking. Hear every sound as background. Look straight ahead and focus. Take one deep breath. This is you. This is Now.

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ashley72
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by ashley72 » Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:10 pm

Rick, thanks for sharing your story...it will be a source of inspiration for many.

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Rick
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by Rick » Sat Apr 23, 2011 6:09 pm

snowheight wrote:
Just out of curiosity, since she left have you every tried to empathize with her position, no matter how outrageous it might have and still might seem to you .. have you ever tried to put yourself in her shoes?
Yes indeed. I clearly see that she knew not what she was doing. That she was controlled by forces beyond her control at that point. Through her I have been able to grow in my understanding that unconscious people are helpless victims of a mind gone wild and are in need of compassion. Resentment and anger do nothing to help the other. In fact, it only feeds their dysfunction. Patient, non-reaction gives them the opportunity to experience love perhaps for the first time. And love touches a cord of recognition in even the deepest dysfunction and offers a way out.
Daily life IS spiritual exercise.

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ashley72
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by ashley72 » Sat Apr 23, 2011 9:54 pm

"It takes two to tango"...

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Rick
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Re: How A Witch Taught Me Love

Post by Rick » Sat Apr 23, 2011 10:48 pm

ashley72 wrote:"It takes two to tango"...
Hi Ashley, I'm not sure I follow you. Are you speaking of love recognizing love?
Daily life IS spiritual exercise.

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