Spirituality Jokes

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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby Rick » Wed Jun 08, 2011 3:34 am

:D
Daily life IS spiritual exercise.
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby Rick » Wed Jun 08, 2011 8:34 pm

Image
Daily life IS spiritual exercise.
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby Rick » Mon Jun 13, 2011 7:17 pm

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. (Incorrect spelling has been left in)

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

3. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

4. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

5. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

6. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

7. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

8. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, race of people who lived in Biblical times.

9. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

10. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

11. When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

12. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

13. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

14. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

15. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

16. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

17. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

18. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
Daily life IS spiritual exercise.
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby kiki » Mon Jun 13, 2011 7:33 pm

Thanks for the laugh. :lol:
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby xkatex » Wed Jun 15, 2011 6:46 pm

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-13782645

I don't think Dalai Lama got the joke :( I love his laugh!! :)
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby autumnsphere » Thu Jun 16, 2011 1:08 am

awesome!
Forget spiritual practice - just do drugs!
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby randomguy » Thu Jun 16, 2011 5:43 am

Those are great, Rick.

Here are some "Zen Thoughts":

    Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me alone.

    The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

    It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

    Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

    Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

    If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby alex » Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:02 am

:lol: Man they got me giggling, thanks for sharing.

An old drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am."

The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."

The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby walken » Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:19 am

Haha. Nice one. Thanks for the laugh alex.
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby autumnsphere » Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:48 am

alex wrote::lol: Man they got me giggling, thanks for sharing.


Me too!
Forget spiritual practice - just do drugs!
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby the key master » Fri Jun 17, 2011 12:57 am

Some not so typical wake up calls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1bPWHQkD4E

The second one with the deer, too much.

Thanks for your time :wink:
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby snowheight » Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:30 am

the key master wrote:Some not so typical wake up calls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1bPWHQkD4E

The second one with the deer, too much.

Thanks for your time :wink:


That was a good laugh, why is terror so amusing to us? I vote for the reaction to the voodoo Halloween mask!
Stop talking. Hear every sound as background. Look straight ahead and focus. Take one deep breath. This is you. This is Now.
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby Rick » Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:44 am

That video was funny...and so was Alex and randomguys posts too.

This next video is funny on the surface too but look carefully...right before your eyes you will see how fear turns to anger, as happens often when people are taken by surprise like when a car suddenly cuts in front them in traffic or something similar. Fear and anger, one out of the other.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtm5zXPvyeM&feature=related
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby the key master » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:41 am

That was pretty good rick. :lol:

snowey said,
That was a good laugh, why is terror so amusing to us?


It just is! I cant help but imagine what's going on in the people's minds, and laughing at the fact that I'm not them, or am I :shock:
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Re: Spirituality Jokes

Postby autumnsphere » Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:35 am

No, you're not. ;)
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