Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

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bbgun
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Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

Post by bbgun » Tue Jul 26, 2011 6:27 pm

hey all

Around late march I had an intense awakening. I had listened to Tolles Books and experienced satori before...finally I had an awakening. My ego dissolved and I felt euphoric and at one with God. Crazy stuff started happening to me. However, an acute psychotic and manic episode was also triggered. I started having delusions of grandeur, knowing I was someone special. I experienced a wave of enthusiasm with my music and knew that music was I wanted to do with my life. Due to my mania and psychosis I have been hospitalized 3 times and am now forced to take medication. The meds dull me and now I am just a shell. All my feelings associated with being awakened are gone. I just feel flat and don't know what to do. I'm labelled mentally ill and told I need to be on meds. Does anybody have a similar experience? There is a definite link imo between "bipolar" and spiritual awakening. But now I'm asleep again and don't know how to get back to that feeling of aliveness, unity and euphoria. Any suggestions/insights you can offer?

surfingisfun
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Re: Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

Post by surfingisfun » Wed Jul 27, 2011 12:53 am

Do you feel in a void?

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Webwanderer
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Re: Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:19 am

It seems that ego didn't exactly dissolve. Don't be overly concerned, egos rarely dissolve. The best thing is to know ego for what it is and to know that you are not it. You are not what you think you are - no matter what it is that you think. What you are cannot be known with thought, it is solely an experiential realization. What ever you might use to define it simply limits your experience of being. Let the labels go and simply rest in clear awareness. Everything important in your true nature is there.
bbgun wrote:I started having delusions of grandeur, knowing I was someone special.
You are not so much special as you are unique. And that's okay as it's pretty much the same with the rest of us. Special has connotations of being better than those not so graced with specialness. Unique works for everyone - just different perspectives within the One Being.
There is a definite link imo between "bipolar" and spiritual awakening.
Well maybe, but there are a goodly number of awakened and awakening people who are not bipolar. And I'm not so sure there is a greater percentage of bipolars awakening as compared to the general populous. It's really unnecessary to make a link to bipolar when you can just focus on the awakening.

Resting in quiet clarity and watching for the thoughts that support egoic identity can do a great deal to free one from the entrapment of thought identification. Recognize thought identification in all its guises, and know that which is aware without the presence of thought. And you don't have to completely throw out the ego (not that you could do it anyway). Just know it for what it is, reconstruct it with new identifiers that you like if you wish, and use it as your interactive interface with all the other aware perspectives in your life experience.

The important thing is to know the distinction between thinking and being. You don't have to live empty of thought all the time, just know that you are not the thoughts. Thoughts are just another form of content within awareness - your true nature.

And don't worry that there is some back and forth with ego identification. It happens, especially early on. Simply go back to the recognition of being that is free of thought when the opportunity arises. It's okay even if it takes a lifetime. Learn from your experiences and love yourself and others as best you can, whenever you can. It's what your here for.

WW

randomguy
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Re: Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

Post by randomguy » Wed Jul 27, 2011 3:21 pm

But now I'm asleep again and don't know how to get back to that feeling of aliveness, unity and euphoria. Any suggestions/insights you can offer?
Come to notice the stillness that is present even in sleep. Let what goes go, so what if it is euphoria. What doesn't come and go?
Also fun to investigate (as WW suggested) is the source of and recognition of thought identification.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho

Pako Chubi
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Re: Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

Post by Pako Chubi » Wed Aug 03, 2011 7:32 am

I have experienced satoris and states of grace and love after reading tolle, and then little by little started to experience delusions of grandeur related to art and pretty much everything (I write, play music, dance, etc). It's like that delusions really stress me sometimes, luckily Im getting free of them and Im by now less identified with that thoughts of grandeur. So your situation really impacted and touched me. I don't have bipolar disorder and never took medication, but I had very strong periods of anxiety, wich I was considering to combat with medications but miraculously and in the right time I discovered eckhart teachings and spirituality.

Im not going to tell you "stop medication, it's not necessary!" becouse it may not be true. Medication might have helped you to win some time over the crazy-out-of-control mind, use that time to reflect and clear out the way to be intelligent for real.

But you should obvioussly find the way out of the psychosis and medications, and that way is always the same: the realization of the ilussion and of truth. You may have to notice lots of times the compulsive thoughts and the ilussions you are creating in your mind, you may have to pass through periods of suffering and also consciousness, until the mind understands it's mistake, until the brain understands itself and understands presence. It could be good for you to forgot a little about music (you can retake it at any time later), and contemplate the possibility of being present and not identificated with what you do and what you can do, while you are playing music. But you have to know that your problem is not with music or with your capacities, your problem is that you are looking for a sense of aliveness in things that can never give you that, playing music can never give you that sense of being alive, neither fame or greatness can, neither nothing. Becouse YOU are that aliveness you are seeking, YOU ARE LIFE, you are what you seek in external things.

You first experienced that aliveness from inside, from the core of your being, but when music got up into your head you started to seek that aliveness in music and forgot that you are it and don't need to seek it nowhere.

Is not about saying to yourself "I am this or that, I don't need this and don't need that, this or that is not important"

Is about realizing that if you are not present you will find much more suffering than satisfaction in the world NOT MATTER WHAT YOU DO. So being present is essential, and being present is feeling that aliveness that is in yourself here and now and always.

Also inspiration is true when you are not seeking an image of yourself, but when you are trying only to communicate that aliveness that you feel to transmit that feeling to everyone. THAT'S ART, and I think that that should be the first intention of every artist when using their creativity (and every person?)

Well, it's late, if you want you can send me a private message or write here :)

saludoooos!!!

SirNikalot
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Re: Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

Post by SirNikalot » Thu Aug 04, 2011 9:12 am

It seems that many of the spiritual leaders/teachings of the past have exhibited some symptoms associated with mania, including: High levels of empathy ("love thy neighbor"), visualizations or hallucinations ("I saw god"), feeling of a deeper level of understanding or realization (...pretty much every spiritual leader), and heightened acuity of the senses (mindfulness).

I think it interesting to see how if someone like Jesus were to exist today he would in all likelihood be sent to a psychiatric ward, and put on mood stabilizers. I haven't been diagnosed with Bipolar nor do I think a psychiatrist would deem my circumstances extreme enough to consider giving me the diagnoses. However, I do feel that there is something here, and I feel that I have, to a perhaps milder degree, experienced some form of bipolar disorder as well. So I'm curious too, is there anyone else here that can possibly see a link between bipolar disorder (especially the manic side of it) and spiritual awakening?

alex
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Re: Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

Post by alex » Thu Aug 04, 2011 10:14 am

I too went through a stage of wondering if I had bi-polar. It was during a very very stressful dark time, I was so so low but managed to feel better at times with a lot of meditation, this would sometimes spark a manic episode where I felt absolutely europhic, like all of existence was one big orgasm. Now I think my brain chemicals where just all a bit wacko and as soon as the meditation released happy endorphins it would just get a bit out of hand.
Ultimately, when you truly recognize your true nature life becomes like the opposite of bi-polar. There is a lot of stillness and just feeling very normal and ordinary. Bi-polar is all about extreme highs and lows and a pretty wild monkey mind... maybe elements of the spiritual path/seeker could seem like bi-polar as in spiritual highs and lows. If you're still in that place though, you've got a bit more suffering to go until you get absolutely fed up with the pendulum and just be still. Until you absolutely exhaust yourself and realise there was no-where to go!

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far_eastofwest
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Re: Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

Post by far_eastofwest » Thu Aug 04, 2011 12:11 pm

hi, you can pm me if you wish (anyone can, i am nearly done with my counselling course so may be able to give some helpful ideas).
have my opinion but prefer not to post it, though i will say that Eckhart had years of studying psychology, philosophy and worked as a counselor prior to his 'awakening' so had a the tools/education/knowledge to deal with his spiritual and emotional problems prior to him relaxing and kicking back for a couple years before writing his book. Most readers do not have this background so the outcome can be quite different for other people as compared to his experience.
There is nothing harder to find than a black cat in a dark room
Especially when there is no cat....

soren008
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Re: Lost my Awakening/Bipolar?

Post by soren008 » Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:49 pm

that sounds like your Bi-Winning

LOL

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