Greetings good people,
I’d just like to explain what’s happened to me and, hopefully, somebody may be able to help me with some sort of advice or insight.
10 years ago, at the age of 25, I read ‘the Power of Now’ and ‘a New Earth’ and definitely had some sort of awakening. ‘The Power of Now’ chapter ‘Portals in to the Un-manifested’ released me deeply in to the now, it seemed all problems went away and I was washed with elation! Wow! What a feeling!
I was trying to convince friends and family to read it around this time, as I wanted them to experience this amazing feeling, but I never managed to get anyone to follow. I got involved in making music (likely I found an ego identity and purpose through this) and somehow I lost my desire, getting wrapped up in life (slipping back in to time) Not to say my life has been bad, it’s been good, just not entirely present.
Now at 35, my life situation has changed considerably. I now work harder, have a mortgage and a lovely daughter with my best friend/partner of 10 years. Perhaps, with the slight turning up of the responsibility this has convinced me to take up the spiritual path again. When I began reading again, I couldn’t believe I ever stopped. Just recently, I’ve started to increase the reading and began meditating twice daily.
Then last week, after more reading and more meditation, I felt it again, the feeling in which all problems seems to go away and the mind is free from useless thought, I became present. This time I had it for a couple of days but it was more manageable almost like I may be able to live my life this way from now on. I looked at flowers and tree’s differently, playing toys with my daughter was amazing, I felt so good! So relieved!. I then began to think about all the things I could achieve and the confidence I can have if I just stayed alert and present. All the people I could help in my life. Perhaps, due to me having these aspirations....I started to feel completely un-present again.
I guess what I’m doing is projecting the now in to something it’s not (in the non-existing future) and am therefore losing it! Is there anyone else that has done this? Is this common?
After this came a period of intense disappointment, I was definitely back in time again. Thinking about the past and concerned about the future. It slipped without me even noticing....
Perhaps this is a long journey of discovery, of trying and failing to stay present until one day it sticks for good? ....is this even the purpose at all?
If somebody could please share a similar experience or some advice on this, I’d be very grateful. I’m sure there are many stories.
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