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Postby Someone » Sat May 26, 2012 2:57 pm

Ive been following Tolles work for a few years now. I got the Power Of Now in maybe around 2006, and at first I didnt think too much of it as it was a present, but it blew me away and has had a huge impact on my life. I read all the other books, seen several videos. Lately I have been going to Tolle groups weekly and we do 10 minutes silence, 45 min of watching a video and then 10 min silence.

Ive had some definite big moments. Ive woken in the middle of the night in amazement that I exist, like Ive never realised it before. Ive had moments recently that are very profound, and I can sense the feeling of I am which I think has been growing. But at the same time I have a feeling of fear and terror in the way.

I have always suffered from night terrors and panic attacks from a young age. Whenever I would have these, I would be pondering overwhelming thoughts about time and infinity etc. So when I listen to Eckhart, I have simultaneous feelings of absolute terror and a feeling of waking up, remembering maybe. I feel like I am a little bit on the edge.

When I stop and think about it, the concept of being one consciousness is a very confusing one. It can be lonely, terrifying, claustrophobic, deeply inspiring and profound and I dont know what to think. There is also a paranoid fear, as if Im being enticed into nothingness in an evil way. All these kind of crazy things going on. But its a very intense concept.

I dont know if the words Im using are the best and how much Im contradicting myself. Be good to talk to people about it.

~
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Re: hi

Postby goldieflower » Sat May 26, 2012 8:17 pm

Hello and welcome! :)

When I stop and think about it ...


I was watching a Mooji video where his response to anything the person was asking was, "That's just a thought."

Once it's noticed a thought is causing upset, a quick, "That's only a thought." releases it to Silence.

At least for goldie. :D
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Re: hi

Postby Someone » Mon May 28, 2012 8:57 am

Thanks for the reply.

So Im just wondering how I approach now, because I feel like Im quite close. Terror is not very easy to ignore.
When I meditate, I immediately see how anxious and terrible I feel because I slow my thinking a bit and pay attention to my body. It generally feels like my head is being squashed internally, my body feels like concrete. I find it extremely difficult to stay there, and the more I pay attention to the fear feeling and 'just move through it', the more it seems to feedback and grow with intensity. Most times I have to open my eyes to stop it. It is a horrible feeling. Words really cant decribe it, but it might just be the effect of adrenaline. Normally i would expect adrenaline to just be a feeling of high intensity, ready to jump or run, this isnt that kind of feeling. Im sure its all brain chemistry.

However there was a time when I was suffering from intense panic disorder, and just existing was terrifying. The world and the experience of being alive and existing was too intense, and I felt like I was forver trapped in time.

I think in order to better understand the concept I need to move past this, and I need to think about things in order to finally move bneyond thought. I need to have these thoughts that point beyond thought.

But at the same time, Im not sure if I want it. If essentially what I am is nothing, that I will always exist and time doesnt, Its very terrifying, lonely, boring, no big deal, all these things.

Is it pointless even trying to figure it out ? Maybe the universe is a game, but maybe I wasnt meant to find out. Maybe it was created to hide the reality because the reality is terrible ? Im not sure if im using the right words.

To summarise, I think I need to have a bit of faith that Im moving in the right direction, this fear is too strong.
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Re: hi

Postby Someone » Thu Jun 07, 2012 8:19 am

hmmm :/
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Re: hi

Postby goldieflower » Thu Jun 07, 2012 2:26 pm

I was hoping someone would reply to you; I have no answers.
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Re: hi

Postby Webwanderer » Fri Jun 08, 2012 6:50 am

Someone wrote:I think in order to better understand the concept I need to move past this, and I need to think about things in order to finally move bneyond thought. I need to have these thoughts that point beyond thought.

Thinking about 'these things' is good to an extent, but to really get a sense of them you will have to feel your way to understanding. That is the 'beyond thought' that you refer to. It takes time however, to get used to how your feelings/emotions act as guidance to the clarity of being that is available beyond thought.

But at the same time, Im not sure if I want it. If essentially what I am is nothing, that I will always exist and time doesnt, Its very terrifying, lonely, boring, no big deal, all these things.

Essentially, what you are is far beyond nothing in the way that you characterize it. If you mean no-thing, then there is some merit to the statement. However, you are not a thing in the more tangible understanding of things.

Consciousness is no-thing. Awareness is no-thing. Being is far more than a thing. It (you) are infinite potential. And while you may be no-thing, you have the capacity to experience any thing. Even in this physically limited body, there is still endless possibility for experience. Just look at the variety of the things people do. It only increases with the expansion and evolution of the conscious beingness that you are.

As far as existence being terrifying, lonely, boring and no big deal, how would you know enough to come to such conclusions? It sounds like an entrapping belief that is best discarded. Until you have made the transition from thought identification back to conscious being recognizing that thought and experience occur within, you will likely be subject to such misperceptions.

Tolle, and others, have shown us a way to recognize the distinction between thought and aware being, but it is just the beginning. Once awake to the nature of how thought can be perceived as identity, there is born a freedom to explore life from a more fundamental perspective. Who you are is known when thought is at rest. Clarity comes through silence where we can clearly feel our own conscious being.

Meditation can be helpful, but is unnecessary. Sometimes the mind becomes more active with our eyes closed than when open. Personally, I gave up the regular practice a few years ago. Adyashanti has a method he calls "True Meditation" that I highly recommend. It's an eyes open practice that can be entered about anywhere. Eventually if becomes a kind of default state of perceiving the world. The mind is quite but there is an enjoyable connection with the moment at hand that opens one up to a wonderful clarity of being. Most enjoyable.

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Re: hi

Postby karmarider » Fri Jun 08, 2012 7:41 am

Someone wrote:Thanks for the reply.

So Im just wondering how I approach now, because I feel like Im quite close. Terror is not very easy to ignore.
When I meditate, I immediately see how anxious and terrible I feel because I slow my thinking a bit and pay attention to my body...


I think you're doing fine. Keep exploring.

However there was a time when I was suffering from intense panic disorder, and just existing was terrifying. The world and the experience of being alive and existing was too intense, and I felt like I was forver trapped in time.


It's very possible to let go of this anxiety. After twenty years of anxiety for which I sometimes took medication, I have not felt it in the last few years. Check out release techniques.

But at the same time, Im not sure if I want it. ... Is it pointless even trying to figure it out ? ...To summarise, I think I need to have a bit of faith that Im moving in the right direction, this fear is too strong.


It can swing between doubt and confidence for a while. Stay open. You'll find that you can't stop even if you want to now.
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