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Sweden calling.

Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2012 11:08 am
by jan-sandahl
Hi all!

I already made a post, but I thought I would introduce myself a bit too.

My ego, Jan Sandahl, lives in Gothenburg in Sweden (Canada and Sweden are quite similar I´ve heard, but since I´ve never been to Canada I´ll leave it at that). Currently 47 years old, in a relationship and we have a son, 9 years old. He´s in a catholic school because of his mother who also went to a catholic school. I approved, but at the time I was more geared towards agnosticism and since then I´ve been forced to go deeper into the whole matter. I find it both positive as it has accelerated the need for my own investigations, and negative as I find myself increasingly opposed to all the unnecessary layers of rigid ceremonies and traditions that has very little to do with transformative experiences. Some statements from the pope has also made me very angry. All in all, it makes for a pretty interesting period for my son I think.

Long standing different painful circumstances (self created of course) in my life led me to eventually try zen meditation, and dive into the vast area of spirituality through the internet. There I mix different flavours of speakers on the subject of enlightenment and "what is". As of now I turn to Alan Watts, who I find greatly entertaining after more focused periods with the more dry taste of Mr. Eckharts two audiobooks "TPON" and "A New Earth". I throw in a little Mooji, Osho and others. I´m curious about Jed McKennas take on the whole thing, but beeing very short on money he will have to wait.

I find it rewarding to mix in this way, since it keeps me from getting caught up in one specific point of view. That´s how I regard life as, a position somewhat like a leaf on a tree. I also meditate and I do somewhat regular formal (private) sessions, and more imortantly, try to keep and return to a meditative state, or awareness, through the whole day. I have no idea where I am in terms of "progress", and I don´t really care. I suspect progress is an illusion too. Sometimes I question the whole enlightenment business all together, and at other times I find myself in very rewarding states of mind. The only thing I´m sure of is the feeling of change. I have never experienced connection with the big self, oneness and have not been successful in stopping my thoughts fully either. I suspect this can come gradually, or as a leap in insight. However, I don´t want to expect anything particular, just trying to be aware of what arises.

I have been between jobs for a long time now. It does not depend on lack of skills beacause I do image retouch and graphic design well. It´s the motivation that is missing and I feel as I´m in the middle of a long fall or descending phase - not necessarily negative though. Actually this "in between"-state describes my whole adult life so far. It is only more accute - or envigorating now.

I´m also a musician, in the phase of incorporating these new attitudes to life into music making, but it will possibly take a while before it manifests. Music have been important to me in different ways through my whole life though. Perhaps I´m closest to the now, when playing an instrument.

I find the movie "Groundhog day" one of the funniest spiritual movies out there. :)

Well, that´s all for now.


Re: Sweden calling.

Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2012 9:25 pm
by smiileyjen101
Welcome Jan, look forward to reading your posts.

You'll still be having 'long' days up there? (she says in the middle of a southern hemisphere sub tropical 'winter')

Re: Sweden calling.

Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2012 12:22 am
by kiki
Welcome to the board, Jan.

Re: Sweden calling.

Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2012 6:10 am
by RCharles
Hi Jan--Really nice to hear from you. Your post is wonderfully open and honest; I enjoyed reading it very much. I'm in Northern California, and I still marvel at posts from people all over the world. When I was a kid, you had to be an amateur radio operator to talk to people on other continents, so that left most of us out. Now it's commonplace for people all over the world to converse, as we're doing now. Still amazes me. Anyway, it's so nice to have you here. I'm interested in whether you have any questions for others on the forum or just joined for the general spiritual dialog.

Take care,

Re: Sweden calling.

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 8:11 pm
by jan-sandahl

I´ve been AFK (away from keyboard) for a few days.

smilyjen101: Days are getting shorter now, but that´s how it is. :)

kiki; Thanks!

RCharles: It makes me really glad that you got something out of my post. I remember in the early days of the internets how I was stunned at getting in contact with someone from the other side of the globe. Thanks for reminding me of this little wonder. What you say also reminds me of the lovely movie "Contact" and Jodie Fosters "Ellie".

I´m not sure what to do with this forum (or rather myself that is...). I´m having a lots of ups and downs, hope and mistrust. But my fundamental question/inquiry boils down to my nagging suspiscion that this whole enlightenment thing is some form of mass hypnosis or wishful thinking and self-deception, powered by minds open to suggestion and the promise of enlightenment. I´m sure I can rephrase that in a way that´s more accurate and makes more sense later on, but something like that. However, the enlightenment promise is too great not to explore first hand, and so I find myself looking all around for leads, critics, methods, "unmethods" and what-not. Despite my suspicions I truly want to go down this road, because I can´t let go of it. I´m sure you can see how I´m standing in my own way. Nothing new there... :)

So... I have an urgent inner dialog about this, and that is what brought me here. Let´s see what´s down this road, paved with failures and small success.

Re: Sweden calling.

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 9:20 pm
by smiileyjen101
Some might say we already are enlightened, we just need to get out of our own way to realise/notice it.

You may be in for a trip down the yellow brick road and then realise you had the answer all the time. It's all good though you meet interesting characters along the way (and some even sing whacky songs :lol: )

Re: Sweden calling.

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 9:39 pm
by jan-sandahl
Yeah, I know that deal... :) Damn you, intellectual knowledge! I just seem to have have no use for you.

*Tucking myself in (21:38 in Sweden), meditating on that tonight*

Re: Sweden calling.

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 9:40 pm
by kiki
But my fundamental question/inquiry boils down to my nagging suspiscion that this whole enlightenment thing is some form of mass hypnosis or wishful thinking and self-deception, powered by minds open to suggestion and the promise of enlightenment.
It's the enlightened who have been de-hypnotized, hence, the word "awakened"; everyone else is in some sort of trance state without even realizing it. That's why the historical Buddha answered the question "Are you a god?" with "No, I am awake."

Awake to what? Awake to what is present when wishful thinking and self-deception are absent, and knowing that that is what you are. That is free of trance, free of wishful thinking, free of past, free of future, and free of self-deception.

Re: Sweden calling.

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 10:15 pm
by jan-sandahl
Yes, but I´m suspicious against all things ultimate. No doubt such insights, or realizations have their perks. But I´m humble enough to acknowledge that I would have absolutely no way of knowing (even if I was in an über-enlightened state, next to the last final stop) that I was truly close to the final stop: an ultimate truth, or the reason for which there exists no other reason. Given this is the way it works, who knows what awaits those who left us in the wheel of rebirth? I´m suspecting some form of natural endlessness to it all, even enlightenment. We are only small humans with a flare for self deception, and we have misused profound insights before. Why stop now? How can we know that we are not deceiving ourselves, when deceiving ourselves makes it impossible to realise just that? However I feel that there ought to be a natural way, through introspection/meditation/awareness et c, to a deeper connection with, or rather share the feelings with, that which grew us in this universe.