Conquering a life-long low level constant discontent

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Conquering a life-long low level constant discontent

Postby Krisalys » Sun Sep 09, 2012 3:31 am

Hello all,
I have recently discovered Tolle's writing and I am hooked. What he says in podcasts and on paper are really speaking to me and I am hoping to have discussions with people who may have some similar issues regarding finding enlightenment and incorporating into daily life.
So a little about myself. I am 53 years old, single mother of 3 nearly grown children (only one still home). I am an artist/graphic designer as well as a classical singer. The music in my life is more at the level of beloved hobby, although I occasionally have been paid for performing.
I have experienced a low level of discontent for as long as I can remember as well as some more serious depressive and anxiety states as most people have when relationships crash and burn or getting fired from a job etc.
What has sent me seriously searching for answers now, is that I know I have a pretty good life and things are not that bad....yet every morning I wake with this feeling of being unhappy and the constant egoic chatter that "I am a loser and getting old and ugly" "I will never do anything great, I might as well just get out the rocking chair and give up "etc. ( btw. I am in very good health, on no medications and go to the gym 4-5 times a week and most people think I am in my early 40's, so my self talk about being old and useless is crazy really)
This negative self talk has dogged me in my singing as well and I am hoping I may meet some other singers or musicians who also feel the negative effects of the overly talkative ego that results in a poor performance or audition, which then results in the pain body going into overdrive for days or even weeks.

This next few months I have a break from work since a big contract just ended and I have decided to focus on getting my head on straight. I hope to find some answers for myself as well as perhaps helping others by talking about specific situations and what Tolle techniques and ideas people have used successfully.

Also in my first few attempts to be still and present have been only moderately successful. The voice in my head keeps telling me I wont be able to do it.

Kris :D
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Re: Conquering a life-long low level constant discontent

Postby runstrails » Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:14 am

Welcome, Kris. I think you'll enjoy the forum.
We all have that voice in our heads and for the most part it tends to be negative. Its important to recognize (and looks like you already do) that there is no 'truth' there. Just recursive, repetitive conditioned thinking. Once you recognize it for what it is, it becomes easier to ignore it. You might enjoy reading this link that goldie posted: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=10813.
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Re: Conquering a life-long low level constant discontent

Postby karmarider » Wed Sep 12, 2012 7:29 am

Kris, the way I see it, I am actually astonished that every human being does not feel this constant discontent, or anxiety or depression. It's seems to me this feeling is a very logical consequence of the context of fear the mind lives in. Possibly, everyone feels it, and some people have devised defenses to ignore it.

Here, you will find various experiences on the problems and solutions of the human condition.

Welcome!
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Re: Conquering a life-long low level constant discontent

Postby ashley72 » Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:15 am

Krisalys wrote:Hello all,
I have recently discovered Tolle's writing and I am hooked. What he says in podcasts and on paper are really speaking to me and I am hoping to have discussions with people who may have some similar issues regarding finding enlightenment and incorporating into daily life.


You'll find many people resonating with Tolle's message and pointers on this forum. Welcome. :D

Krisalys wrote:So a little about myself. I am 53 years old, single mother of 3 nearly grown children (only one still home). I am an artist/graphic designer as well as a classical singer. The music in my life is more at the level of beloved hobby, although I occasionally have been paid for performing.
I have experienced a low level of discontent for as long as I can remember as well as some more serious depressive and anxiety states as most people have when relationships crash and burn or getting fired from a job etc.
What has sent me seriously searching for answers now, is that I know I have a pretty good life and things are not that bad....yet every morning I wake with this feeling of being unhappy and the constant egoic chatter that "I am a loser and getting old and ugly" "I will never do anything great, I might as well just get out the rocking chair and give up "etc. ( btw. I am in very good health, on no medications and go to the gym 4-5 times a week and most people think I am in my early 40's, so my self talk about being old and useless is crazy really)
This negative self talk has dogged me in my singing as well and I am hoping I may meet some other singers or musicians who also feel the negative effects of the overly talkative ego that results in a poor performance or audition, which then results in the pain body going into overdrive for days or even weeks.


I can certainly relate to this. In my case, I suffered from an acute form of anxiety... called agoraphobia almost 5 years ago. I'm a recovering agoraphobic these days. Its taken me along time to overcome certain conditioned fears which were holding me back from enjoying and participating fully in life. Tolle & others certainly gave me the tools to overcome the fear of life. :D

Krisalys wrote:This next few months I have a break from work since a big contract just ended and I have decided to focus on getting my head on straight. I hope to find some answers for myself as well as perhaps helping others by talking about specific situations and what Tolle techniques and ideas people have used successfully.

Also in my first few attempts to be still and present have been only moderately successful. The voice in my head keeps telling me I wont be able to do it.


I've read a mountain of spiritual teachings and tried many practices & techniques..... like many other contributors to this forum.

The only practice, which is more a habit these days..... is to look attentively inward.... and attend to the sense of "me" as often as you care to remember. This steady habit can dissolve the fear of life. Eckhart Tolle refer's to this practice as inner-body awareness.

Barry Long a mentor to Eckhart Tolle in the early days also recommend inner body awareness. He explains it quite well in this article called "Moment of Stillness"
http://www.barrylong.org/statements/momentofstillness.shtml
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Re: Conquering a life-long low level constant discontent

Postby Krisalys » Sat Sep 15, 2012 11:53 pm

Thanks all for the welcoming remarks. It is good to know I am not the only one and I will be checking out links and other writers and teachers.
Ashley, thanks for telling me about your agoraphobia. I have a close friend who also has agoraphobia and even though I know you can't really tell people what they need. I am hoping my hints about my feeling better about my issues will nudge him to ask me a little more about how I am coping and then I can point him towards Tolle and other people who could help. His pain-body is very dense and he is suffering quite badly, as are other members of his family.

For me as i read more and look into it, I find some days I am just feeling great and other I feel myself slipping back into believing the mind chatter. A lifetime of habits are hard to break. ( I quit smoking 15 years ago, so I know difficult things are possible)

One thing I have realized, which i didn't expect, was that I was able to stay " present" when doing a tough cardio class. I just focused on the moves, breathing and my screaming muscles! Even though the class is a tough one, which often leaves me really drained. this time I felt exhilarated. All the energy I didn't spend thinking about other stuff and being distracted by random thoughts ( like " I will never last until the end" "I am wasting time trying to get fit" etc :roll: ) went to being in the moment.

From now on that's how I have been approaching the gym. Not as a necessary routine, but with focused attention and enjoying it more! :D
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