Hello and help

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Hello and help

Postby algl » Mon Mar 10, 2014 8:07 am

Hello everyone. This is the first time I write on a forum like this. I need some help. This is a question i made to Deepak Chopra just recently but it is very unlikely he will answer me. Im a bit desperate. Maybe you can help me. I hope you are all well. This is it:

Deepak hello, i need help. I made something horrible a year and a half ago. I made a suicide attempt (pills). I did not really want to end my life but the situation was critical and i needed to communicate my desperation. I was 23 at the time. When i was 21 i had a wonderful spiritual experience that showed me who i really was (thought/emotional detachment (awereness)). I had a couple of months of bliss but then it started to fade away in university. I didnt want to study anymore i found it useless. And as my frustration-sadness-confusion grew i did it. It broke me. I got into severe depression and went to some traumatic experiences. Now im stable thanks to a very good psychologist and to a lot of will power (i didnt use meds only magnesium), but im not as confident as i used to be. I cant forgive myself as i did it "knowing myself". I cant love me anymore and therefore cant love anything. I find it difficult because most people have crisis and then they find their spirituality but for me it was the other way around. I shouldve drop university and follow my feelings but i didnt and all of this happened. I gave myself a kind of permission to do it as i felt a very intelligent and spiritual person.I didnt seize the consequences specially on the relationship with my parents. They didnt deserve that. How can i recover a sense of integrity again? How can i truly forgive myself and therefore free myself? I could have end my life. Its difficult to get over that thought. Its also difficult as i did it knowing "who i am". Im desperate. i feel im wasting my life on this guilt. Im 25 now on my last semester of hell in university. Thank you Deepak.

Do you know if i can post this question to Eckhart somehow?? Thank you!
algl
 
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Re: Hello and help

Postby Webwanderer » Mon Mar 10, 2014 3:17 pm

algl wrote:I cant forgive myself as i did it "knowing myself".

Knowing your 'self' is not the same as 'being' your self. Your true self is not living in judgment of any particular act that you - the imagined separate self - has explored. Have you considered your purpose is, in being in this physical state? That purpose was not chosen from the human egoic perspective. It was chosen before you took on the physical form. That purpose is still intact.

Without being too specific as to the nuts and bolts of purpose, which only You can know, in general you are here to explore experience in all it's variety. An attempted suicide, regardless of the reasons or perspective at the moment, is just one more experience to grok. There are at least two levels to learn from any experience, especially strongly emotional ones. There is the greater perspective of your true nature, and there is the more limited perspective of your human personality. While your greater perspective will make the most of whatever experience you have, growing consciously as is its purpose, your human self may live in self judgment and a feeling of separation because of it.

But it is a choice. You can never change what happened. You can however, change your experience of it by changing how you perceive it. You did nothing wrong - except in the eyes of limited egoic perspective. And that perspective is out of alignment with your true nature if you are in self-judgmental pain over it.

Give yourself - your human experience - a break. You can grow from this experience. Make the choice to do so. Love who you are rather than judge what you've done. Your greater self loves you - it is you. Be that understanding and accept the life lessons it offers. It's only as big a deal as you make it. And it's only the quality of experience that you make it. Choose how your true nature would choose. Else, do you really know your Self? Realize, that your true nature awaits you - always - and forever free of judgment.

WW
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